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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being mean?

117 replies

Rollercoasteride · 17/04/2020 18:08

So its DH birthday in 2 weeks. He wants to spend £380 on a present himself (watch).

I think this is way too much, am I being unreasonable?

We 'could' afford it, although after lockdown ends we need lots of urgent jobs need doing in the house.

Also i am still feeling abit miffed he didn't get me anything for mothers day...due to CV...but he went shopping twice a few days before.

OP posts:

LoveIslandVirgin · 17/04/2020 21:02

You know what you need to do for your next birthday - sort it yourself.

Apart from food, we haven’t been buying anything recently. I’m due a big spending spree when this is over. Watches aren’t my thing but they are for my DH.

Don’t waste precious time being resentful. It’s not an extravagant amount for a decent watch.

Crimsonnightlotus · 17/04/2020 21:04

380 on a watch really isn't. Same as 380 on a ring isn't. It's not £3800. It's way better than spending £10 a packet of cigarettes and booze on a daily/weekly basis.

Ragwort · 17/04/2020 21:04

You have no savings and a credit card debt .... are you mad? I hope you are both in decent jobs, many people are facing the fact that they will lose their job or at the very least, have a significant drop in income.

Supersimkin2 · 17/04/2020 21:10

Be careful OP - mean with money, mean with love.

BrooHaHa · 17/04/2020 21:11

£380 on watch is not that expensive, if, like you say, you can afford it.

They can't afford it. They have debt and no savings. Responsible adults would pay off the debt sooner, rather than blowing the excess now and waiting until the end of the year to pay off the debt. They'd also make damn sure they'd got the recommended 3 months of income saved as a buffer against the unexpected before they started prattling about with expensive jewellery.

fuckinghellthisshit · 17/04/2020 21:14

I am so sick of reading about selfish men!!!! No, of course he is being unfair. What a knob head.

Batmanandbobbin · 17/04/2020 21:16

I have one of those smart watches I wouldn’t be without it now. I have not upgraded my phone though and gone to sim only to justify it.

BrooHaHa · 17/04/2020 21:21

I have one of those smart watches blush I wouldn’t be without it now.

You probably would, given the right stimulus. What good is a smartphone without a roof over your head? These are financially uncertain times- not the time to be spending on frivolity at the expense of necessity not that there's ever a good time to do that.

Crimsonnightlotus · 17/04/2020 21:22

Yes of course responsible adults pay debt first. Or they don't have any in the first place. But from OP, she doesn't sound like she is in a huge debt, she said she can pay off by the end of year. Seriously, £380 for a watch isn't that expensive. Think about the things us women spend not so expensive compared to that one off, but way more expensive long term like make up, cream, etc.

BunnytheHoneyBee · 17/04/2020 21:25

I don’t think this is about what you got for your birthday and what he wants for his, is it? You have a joint account so it’s joint money. You had a treat for your birthday that you could afford at the time and it sounds like you didn’t ask for something and he told you that you couldn’t have it. He now wants something and you can afford it. You’ve also said he wouldn’t stop you spending that amount of money on yourself. You would just prefer to spend the money on the house!

Healthyandhappy · 17/04/2020 21:29

How old will he be. I had a 300 quid watch for my 30th birthday. Husband paid cash. If hes working then yes he should have the watch if your nasty and saying he cant etc can lead to relationship issues and divorce etc. Buy the watch as long as not on visa

ZoeandChandon · 17/04/2020 21:31

Debt and no savings? As others have said, not really a position that says blow money on a luxury item.

Original poster

Rollercoasteride · 17/04/2020 21:35

Thanks for all the comments everyone. I am having trouble tagging people.
With Regards to the debt, we took out a huge loan for ivf (it didn't work), which looking back we couldn't afford. So at the end of the month we would use credit cards.
Loan now has been paid off so we are able to clear credit card completely by the end of the year.
We both have good jobs, we are both keyworkers so still working.
There are other issues with the mothers day and birthday present, petty I know, it was the first one without my mum so thought he make an effort. I duno maybe I am resentful.

OP posts:

Healthyandhappy · 17/04/2020 21:37

How much debt u got
I paid my hol deposit on intereet free visa currently 225 on their.
Are you on the bread line what's your earnings between you as this makes a massive difference I also believe in seperate accounts so I have my own money but we share Bill's so much easier and less arguments.

Healthyandhappy · 17/04/2020 21:39

Do u have any children unsure about the mothers day scenario. My kids picked me flowers and made me a card at school lol xx

Original poster

Rollercoasteride · 17/04/2020 21:45

I owe about 2.5k at the moment, paying as much as I can to clear it by the end of the year.
We have a DS nearly 10 x

OP posts:

BunnytheHoneyBee · 17/04/2020 21:46

Do u have any children unsure about the mothers day scenario

OP said it was her first Mother’s Day without her mum so regardless of whether she had kids she might have hoped for some attention from DH on a tough day.

Healthyandhappy · 17/04/2020 21:46

Then yes I'd say watch out of price range unless it's a big birthday and hes gonna maybe get money from family towards it. My hubby got 100 quid from family for his birthday xx

Crimsonnightlotus · 17/04/2020 21:46

It really depend on what you wanted for your birthday. If you have said you wanted £380 ring or whatever and he didn't get you because it was too expensive and he would rather spend it on the house, you have a point. But if you said nothing, and got flowers and chocolate because money was tight back then, you were expecting too much? Did you get mad if your dh bought you a ring worth £380, because he thought he can afford it?

Durgasarrow · 17/04/2020 21:47

he is ridiculous

Original poster

Rollercoasteride · 17/04/2020 21:57

The flowers and chocolates annoyed me because he left it until 9.30pm the night before to get them, to me it was like any old thing will do.
I think if he got me a ring that much now, I wouldn't want it, like previous poster said, he wants to spend money on a watch and I'd rather spend it on the house.

OP posts:

Daftodil · 17/04/2020 21:58

The birthday present is from you so you choose how much to spend on it. If he buys himself a watch, that isn't a "birthday present", that's just him spending £380 on himself. If he is spending £380 on himself from your joint finances, you should get £380 to spend on something for you too.

Mlou32 · 17/04/2020 22:05

Jeez this puts me off getting married if I have to justify my purchases!

BrooHaHa · 17/04/2020 22:10

Jeez this puts me off getting married if I have to justify my purchases!

In all seriousness, I'd say don't start a family if you feel like that. When you've got a family to cater for, you don't buy luxury items just because you feel like it at the expense of your family and financial security. If you're still at the stage of life where you put yourself first all the time you probably shouldn't start a family tbh.

Crimsonnightlotus · 17/04/2020 22:19

It's really not a luxury item. The watch last for years. I would really be put off, if I had to choose between the watch that cost £380 and something for the house, maybe a table, curtain, whatever.

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