Am I being mean?

[Rollercoasteride]

So its DH birthday in 2 weeks. He wants to spend £380 on a present himself (watch).

I think this is way too much, am I being unreasonable?

We 'could' afford it, although after lockdown ends we need lots of urgent jobs need doing in the house.

Also i am still feeling abit miffed he didn't get me anything for mothers day...due to CV...but he went shopping twice a few days before.

I know he wouldn't stop me from buying anything etc, but so much needs doing to the house because we couldn't afford it at the time. I cant justify it.

He wants one of those smart watches x

Lol no way he can have a bottle of wine and chocolates which he must share. I'd be seriously pissed and if he's sulking now that's a huge turn off.

No way should a family with 0 savings spend that much on a luxury.

Build up a bit of a nest egg & get it for Christmas

What did you want for your birthday?

Do really people do same amounts? Like one my birthday I got gift worth much more than what dh got on his that year, simply because what we wanted...

He's a greedy sod. Don't let him get you in to debt again!

It didn't bother me what I had for my birthday, due to the lack of money...its the lack of effort, going to Tesco the night before

Let him buy his wanky watch, then ask him the time every 20 seconds till he takes it back

Let him buy his watch, make sure you buy something you want of similar value.
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Hmm I think if your circumstances have changed it’s a little bit unfair to compare but I would suggest that maybe he gets something of similar value to your birthday while you clear your debts by the end of the year then you both get the same amount to spend at Xmas? Then going forward agree a budget for birthdays?

If he is buying his own present, why didn't you buy yourself something for yours?

the only question is if you can afford it.

I think it depends. DH generally always gets me less than I get him - I spend usually at least double. But the difference is he never gets himself anything all year, so I like to spoil him on his birthday/Christmas. Also my birthday is just before Christmas so less disposable income. Plus I love to get gifts for people, definitely my love language.

So I'd say it's fine, as long as on your next birthday you can get something a bit extravagant that you want. (We've got a lot more money this year than ever before so I've been sending a lot of designer shoe hints )

Buy a gnomon & stick it up his ....

Sounds rubbish you didn't have much money when it was your birthday but there is suddenly £380 for a toy for him

"Also my birthday is just before Christmas so less disposable income."

Why-does his wage suddenly change??

Any reason why when your finances improved that he didnt buy you ANOTHER gift? Or was it just tough luck - you have to wait till your bday comes round again?!

He has it sewn up with the luck doesnt he

Oh I’m torn if the issue is lack of effort as I think he’s offered to buy the watch himself which means zero effort from you...

Wow, do people really buy ,themselves birthday gifts out of their own money, not even gifted money?

Do really people do same amounts?

It's not that exactly. If I spend £20 on a really thoughtful gift and DH spends £200 no problem. He bought her a bottle of wine and some chocs. in my opinion that's not even a proper gift and certainly not personal to her. He wants a very special very expensive item, its not a tradition in their family to do this for birthdays and they don't have the money to do it, so NO.

Also no mother's day present of any kind is lazy. If this happened to me (covid meaning you can't buy anything) I would have made a 'voucher" for DH to have some lie ins or not have to do a particular job all week and made sure the DC drew a pic or something.

@diddl less overtime cause everyone's trying to get extra Christmas money plus spending extra money on Christmas.

Its a bit expensive for 1 item

If you let him buy it then tell him it will be his birthday and Christmas present all in

Just because there is a bit of money spare doesn't mean you shouldn't still be frugal.

No. He gets a treat to the same value of what you had for your birthday. If he has a problem with that, too bad!

Or, OP, you then treat yourself, using family money, to something of a similar value.Bet he won’t like that.

Is he normally such a selfish fucker?

" plus spending extra money on Christmas."

He could put money aside throughout the year though if he wanted to spend more on you than he does.

I've no idea how long ago your birthday was, but if at that point the two of you had no spare cash for a proper gift, then maybe it's time to start putting some aside when you do have it, than spending on expensive and unnecessary luxury items.

@diddl he does. But with the two being close on tends to be a small token and the other a bigger gift. He's more of the little and often gift type whereas I'm the one big gift on birthdays/Christmas type so I always tend to get more for those. Works for us, I like lots of smaller surprised throughout the year. He's not too bothered on those for himself so gets something bigger he wouldn't buy for himself. And then sometimes we sack the lot off and book a holiday haha.

@diddl also overall he definitely spends on me. It's just more spread