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Original poster

Should I have waited - school results related

107 replies

Shiningstar88 · 17/04/2020 07:14

So like many other parents in the country, yesterday we were anxiously waiting for DD's reception place allocation email.

I have been worrying about this for weeks as there was only really one school we liked when we looked (and one of the reasons we moved where we did 5year ago before we had Dd)

Dh on the other hand hasn't seemed too bothered, and when I said I will be a bit upset if she doesn't get in there he told me it doesn't matter and to get over it.

I am currently wfh and dh is still working but on shifts so was off yesterday. I was finishing off a call when the email dropped in, opened itn found out we had her first place and ran downstairs to tell dh and dd.

After initially being pleased, dh then started sulking that I should have waited for him or called him so we could open the email together. When I said he had never said that before (and we'd even had the conversation about how as soon as I found out I would let him know and he said nothing) he said I should have thought and been more considerate!

After a few too many glasses of wine last night, he has now had a full on rant about how it was unfair I found out first and how I should have used his email so he found out first to see how I would have liked it. I now feel that a really happy moment has been spoilt!

OP posts:
HugeAckmansWife · 17/04/2020 07:19

Oh he's being a twat. Is it him going to reception or your 5 year old? But fine.. This is your opportunity. List him as first contact for the school comms. He can get and deal with all the costume requests, charity contributions, bring in x, y z, tickets for the play, concert, fete and of course when your DD is poorly and needs to come home. He's first. Every time.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 17/04/2020 07:20

Sounds like he's the one starting reception! He's throwing a tantrum, treat it as you would in your daughter. Idiot!

Clockworkprincess · 17/04/2020 07:21

Oh he's being an idiot. My dp sorted the application for ds and woke me at one minute past midnight to let me know we had one of the schools we wanted. I looked at him and went back to sleep 😂
Think everyone can be getting a bit touchy about silly things at the moment so take no notice and remind him the special time is when its first day of school

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 17/04/2020 07:21

And yes yes yes to listing him as first contact! Let him deal with it for a term and see what he thinks then!

HugeAckmansWife · 17/04/2020 07:21

Oh and on a general note, try not to get too invested in 'firsts' and everything school related. It's very easy to get yourself hugely upset about parts in plays, school teams, how many times jonny got star of the week and its not fair etc. Let it wash over you.

positivepixie · 17/04/2020 07:23

Good news OP, always a stressful time! You don’t say whether he is prone to a sulk but a quick ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist opening the email!’ from you and a ‘I’m sorry I over reacted’ should sort this today and then you can focus on the fact that this is good news and be excited with your DD!

AlwaysCheddar · 17/04/2020 07:24

What a dick!

Ladyglitterfairydust · 17/04/2020 07:29

Oh please, you did absolutely nothing wrong. He’s being really silly about something that is just not that important 🙄

fuckinghellthisshit · 17/04/2020 07:29

What a dick. Is he always so self obsessed?

Hippywannabe · 17/04/2020 07:35

He isn't going to cope when she gets left out of a birthday party, misses out on a certificate, gets pushed by someone, doesn't get to be Mary in the Nativity etc , is he?
Put it down to Lockdown Meltdown and ignore him.

TW2013 · 17/04/2020 07:35

Dh always moaned that he was never told about things (I did but he would forget). Put him on the contact list, now he admits that he doesn't bother opening the emails! He will ask me when sports day is and I will suggest he looks at the website just as I would need to and take it from there. So yes, seize the opportunity to make him responsible for all things school related. Have him as first contact so he will be the first to know if she needs to be picked up. Most will be willing to have two emails so you can be his back up.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/04/2020 07:45

Fgs he’s being ridiculous. It never would have occurred to me to wait. When we got the results for dds secondary, I told dh first because I knew she wouldn’t be pleased. Then told dd when we were together. Had she got her choice, I would have told her first so she could break the news to him. This is not his news. Why is your dh making it all about him?

GretchenGrundler · 17/04/2020 07:47

I found out first because it was in the preview of the email. There was no way around it.

He's being a twat.

Frariedeamin · 17/04/2020 07:47

Mine did exactly the same! He’s showed no interest in ranking schools, doing the application or talking about the upcoming allocation day yet gets pissy when I told him we got our last ranked school because ‘I didn’t wait for him’. And guaranteed he won’t be involved in the appeal process either. I just told him to fuck off and he accepted he was an arse about 3 hours later!

TheTrollFairy · 17/04/2020 07:48

If you did something wrong then so did I. I was nervous, DP not so much. I opened the email and shouted it down the stairs

singtanana · 17/04/2020 07:49

Oh dear, he’s over reacted! But it would genuinely be a good idea to get his email added to the school’s distribution list. Both DH and I are on our school’s email list and it means between us we remember book day, money for fair trade cafe, dress down day, bring your llama to school day, parents join in afternoon, early finish, school trips, where to park, where not to park... Grin

Changeofname79 · 17/04/2020 07:51

Wow, this wouldn't register as an issue for most people. I think the normal situation would be that whoever is on the email contact receives the email, sees what school and relays it to the other partner. I can't imagine opening it together, what an odd thought.

SunshineCake · 17/04/2020 07:52

He's a twat and a fucking embarrassing one. He didn't think about your feelings if she didn't get in and it sounds like he wasn't that fussed. I suspect you'll be doing all the school stuff so squash this idiotic behaviour right now. A sulking man never gets laid and certainly isn't an attractive husband or good father.

Leflic · 17/04/2020 07:54

Well if you were all together in the house it would have been nice to open the email as a family.
Its probably in your delivery. I also find it annoying when someone takes the responsibility for the news that wasn’t theirs, unlike say a job interview, that is.
Having said that it’s just a school place. You could hate the school, you get a rubbish teacher and end up in another school or move house.It means little in the big scheme of things.

TheWordmeister · 17/04/2020 07:56

Is he always this childish?

Davespecifico · 17/04/2020 07:58

Does he behave like this in other situations?

AuditAngel · 17/04/2020 07:59

When I was choosing schools for our first, my husband refused to do the research/visits etc, then expected to have input into the decision. I pointed out to him that he had abdicated all responsibility, so he got to have no input.

He also moaned that he never knows what is going on, so now he gets all emails from primary and secondary. Still doesn’t know what is going on!

JazzyTheDog · 17/04/2020 08:06

I thought this was going to be about getting into a particular university Grin

OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe · 17/04/2020 08:09

Please don’t apologise, you didn’t do anything wrong.
I agree with others who have wondered how he’s going to cope with “disappointments” as she grows through school.

Brefugee · 17/04/2020 08:09

People get huffy about this stuff? OP (and anyone else with a 'D'P who reacts like this: put them as first contact for everything with you as back up and take a back seat.