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Original poster

Should I have waited - school results related

107 replies

Shiningstar88 · 17/04/2020 07:14

So like many other parents in the country, yesterday we were anxiously waiting for DD's reception place allocation email.

I have been worrying about this for weeks as there was only really one school we liked when we looked (and one of the reasons we moved where we did 5year ago before we had Dd)

Dh on the other hand hasn't seemed too bothered, and when I said I will be a bit upset if she doesn't get in there he told me it doesn't matter and to get over it.

I am currently wfh and dh is still working but on shifts so was off yesterday. I was finishing off a call when the email dropped in, opened itn found out we had her first place and ran downstairs to tell dh and dd.

After initially being pleased, dh then started sulking that I should have waited for him or called him so we could open the email together. When I said he had never said that before (and we'd even had the conversation about how as soon as I found out I would let him know and he said nothing) he said I should have thought and been more considerate!

After a few too many glasses of wine last night, he has now had a full on rant about how it was unfair I found out first and how I should have used his email so he found out first to see how I would have liked it. I now feel that a really happy moment has been spoilt!

OP posts:
listsandbudgets · 17/04/2020 09:15

Slightly different perspective here.

I think he cared very much about what the outcome would be and knew you did too. However he lined himself up and you to some extent to cope with the disappointment if it didn't go the way you both hoped... but whatever he said he really really did want to know

happymummy12345 · 17/04/2020 09:16

I wonder op did your dh also get his first choice of school? As it sounds like he is the one who needs to go.
It's really nothing to cause an issue about at all. He should be pleased your daughter got her place at the school you wanted.

PleasantVille · 17/04/2020 09:20

What a baby, I have an image of an unbearably twee couple with their eyes closed, each with a hand on a mouse clicking together and making sure they read the email at exactly the same time.

Tell him to get over himself.

Sh05 · 17/04/2020 09:20

As soon as I received the email I let my sis in law know first. Purely because dh was still asleep and dd didn't get into our first choice school where sil teaches.
My DH wasn't at all fazed that other family found out before him but yours should give his head a wriggle and maybe next time take charge of filling the application and put his email in as first contact.

VettiyaIruken · 17/04/2020 09:25

Sounds like to him, your place is in the wrong.

You are anxious - you're wrong. Calm down. It's not a big deal

You assume that since he's been telling you that it doesn't matter that he isn't that bothered, so you open the email. You're wrong, despite all evidence to the contrary, he was sooooo excited and you've robbed him of a precious moment.

Is this a pattern with him?

fruitbrewhaha · 17/04/2020 09:26

Eh, that is very odd.

Yes to the PP idea about using his email address as main contact for school. The endless bloody email drive me crazy.

SignGrudgeBluebook · 17/04/2020 09:34

You need to have a little count up to see how many children you have in your household OP. Embarrassing !

seven201 · 17/04/2020 09:35

That is absolutely ridiculous. It was school offer day for us too yesterday. I rang my dh and he was happy. I could have rang him and opened the email over the phone, but that would have been OTT.

corythatwas · 17/04/2020 09:49

It's not as if you didn't tell him straightaway, is it? You are talking seconds, by the sounds of it. Would he equally have blamed you if you had opened it together but you had read it faster?

NoMoreDickheads · 17/04/2020 09:51

we'd even had the conversation about how as soon as I found out I would let him know and he said nothing

So, if his actions weren't bollox enough, this makes it even more bollox.

I think 'lockdown' is making a lot of people more like this. Or is he often argumentative?

Fatted · 17/04/2020 09:53

I think you both sound a bit over invested in where your DC is going to school to be honest. Nervously waiting for weeks to get into a school? Really?

But he is being ridiculous that you didn't wait for him. With ours, I got the emails and I just phoned DH because he was at work. I actually think I was at work as well with DS2.

user68901 · 17/04/2020 09:58

He’s a complete tit . Presumably he left the application form for you till out.

user68901 · 17/04/2020 09:58

*Fill out

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 17/04/2020 09:59

I think your both a bit odd tbh

You for being weird about wanting a certain school and the need to find out right away

Him for ranting about it. I can however see why as it’s reception child it might of been nice to find out at the same time

No special moment was ruined though, your child got a school place. Admittedly mummy got the one she so desperately wanted but still not seeing the special moment. Special moment is the first day surely?

You both need to chill out

Porcupineinwaiting · 17/04/2020 10:01

So you should have done the application (ie the work) using his email address, so ickle pickle could get the news first ? That's hilarious, is he normally a pathetic man child?

Dh did once moan at me that he never knew what was happening at the kids school when they moved from paper newsletter to electronic. I pointed out that anybody could sign up to the newsletter, alerts etc and strangely the matter was never mentioned again.

Porcupineinwaiting · 17/04/2020 10:03

I do not think there is anything strange about wanting a certain school and bring eager to know whether you've got a place @P1nkHeartLovesCake.

SnowyTeatime · 17/04/2020 10:03

I had to log in just to say that he’s being an asshole. Presumably his outside world has shrunk (like it has for all of us), so he’s blowing this small matter into a big issue. Probably to pick a fight.

Ignore him and congrats on the school place 😊

HedgehogHotel · 17/04/2020 10:05

Well, he's either got the immature of a child, or he's a twat who keeps deliberately moving the goal posts so he can stay mad at you.

Sorry, OP. Ignore him. He really is being a twat.

Aesopfable · 17/04/2020 10:05

Definitely get him down as first emergency contact - then he gets called everytime your DD says she feels ill and school and will rush out of work to pick her up.

LaCroixStOuen · 17/04/2020 10:06

Maybe he’s one of those people whose reaction could go one way or the other, but in every case you are in the wrong.

If you had waited and gone to fetch him to open the email together, it could have been at the “wrong time when HE was busy” or “you deal with school stuff why are you bothering me”, etc etc.

Yes, he’s an arse,

RedskyAtnight · 17/04/2020 10:08

*But just to point out ... it's a primary school. It really didn't warrant worrying for weeks. You are possibly a little over invested in this school

What a bizarre thing to say.*

Why is it bizarre? Most infants schools are perfectly acceptable; the one that OP has so set her hopes on might turn out not to be as good as she expects it to be, and there are always options to move schools later. A bit of nervous anticipation I could understand, but "worrying for weeks" over something you have no control over?

salemcat · 17/04/2020 10:08

He needs to get a grip, which one is the child!

PleasantVille · 17/04/2020 10:09

I think your both a bit odd tbh

You for being weird about wanting a certain school and the need to find out right away

Where do you live p1nk that it's odd to want your child to go to your first choice school? That's got to be a tiny minority view right there. How many parents are there who don't care? I live in a place with not too much pressure on school places but even then I got up early to read the email and breathe a sigh of relief.

FrowningFlamingo · 17/04/2020 10:13

How ridiculous. Presumably he knew it was coming to your email so he had every opportunity to tell you he wanted to be with you?!

Wynston · 17/04/2020 10:15

Definitely put his name down as first contact........that parentmail app drives me bonkers!!mwhaha!!