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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I have waited - school results related

107 replies

Shiningstar88 · 17/04/2020 07:14

So like many other parents in the country, yesterday we were anxiously waiting for DD's reception place allocation email.

I have been worrying about this for weeks as there was only really one school we liked when we looked (and one of the reasons we moved where we did 5year ago before we had Dd)

Dh on the other hand hasn't seemed too bothered, and when I said I will be a bit upset if she doesn't get in there he told me it doesn't matter and to get over it.

I am currently wfh and dh is still working but on shifts so was off yesterday. I was finishing off a call when the email dropped in, opened itn found out we had her first place and ran downstairs to tell dh and dd.

After initially being pleased, dh then started sulking that I should have waited for him or called him so we could open the email together. When I said he had never said that before (and we'd even had the conversation about how as soon as I found out I would let him know and he said nothing) he said I should have thought and been more considerate!

After a few too many glasses of wine last night, he has now had a full on rant about how it was unfair I found out first and how I should have used his email so he found out first to see how I would have liked it. I now feel that a really happy moment has been spoilt!

OP posts:
Minesacider · 17/04/2020 08:10

Is he always such a dick, or has quarantine got to his wee brain? You didnt do anything wrong, especially if he hasn't shown much interest until now.

Shoxfordian · 17/04/2020 08:13

Is this how he usually is? I don't think I could put up with this shit tbh

Anydreamwilldo12 · 17/04/2020 08:13

Absolutely crazy, don't feel guilty, ask him if he want you to enquire for a place for him too as he's acting just like a five year old. What an idiot.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 17/04/2020 08:14

He sounds like a 4-year-old himself. Hard to believe a grown man could be so pathetic and childish. He should be delighted your child got the place, not sulking about who opened the email first. He’s been absolutely ridiculous.

mogtheexcellent · 17/04/2020 08:16

Christ what a twat.

RedskyAtnight · 17/04/2020 08:16

To give a slightly different viewpoint, I think there is so little we can do at the moment, that getting the school email probably gained more importance than it would have done at any other time. So whilst I think your DH overreacted, I don't see why you wouldn't want to share the excitement that you obviously had about it with him.

But just to point out ... it's a primary school. It really didn't warrant worrying for weeks. You are possibly a little over invested in this school ...

C8H10N4O2 · 17/04/2020 08:19

He is being ridiculous but I agree with this: seize the opportunity to make him responsible for all things school related. Have him as first contact so he will be the first to know if she needs to be picked up

Is he normally a bit of a twat or only after a night on the booze? Or is it a genuine one off?

C8H10N4O2 · 17/04/2020 08:23

I don't see why you wouldn't want to share the excitement that you obviously had about it with him.

She ran downstairs immediately to tell him. He behaved like a child.

it's a primary school. It really didn't warrant worrying for weeks. You are possibly a little over invested in this school ...

Oh come on, many parents over worry about this, especially for the first one. By the fourth it might be a bit "school, what school place?" but its not unreasonable to worry a bit.

Certainly less unreasonable to worry about finding the right school than having a tantrum because you didn't get to open the email.

You are possibly a little over invested in this school ...

Oh come on, everyone over worries about the first. By the time the fourth

ilovesushi · 17/04/2020 08:30

How weird! I can't think of a single time I have ever sat and jointly clicked on an email with someone else so we could read it together. Same goes for actual letters. Surely it came to your email and was intended for you to read. He's off his rocker!

opticaldelusion · 17/04/2020 08:30

But just to point out ... it's a primary school. It really didn't warrant worrying for weeks. You are possibly a little over invested in this school

What a bizarre thing to say.

Cecesea · 17/04/2020 08:31

I listed Dh as first contact everwhere but they still ring me everytime ds gets ill or in a fight, really sexist

JudyCoolibar · 17/04/2020 08:31

Loving the idea of making your husband first point of contact for everything school-related. Volunteer him for the PTA as well. He'll be begging for mercy, especially after weathering the demands for stuff for the Christmas fete, a costume for the Christmas play, presents for the teacher ...

Cecesea · 17/04/2020 08:33

I can't think of a single time I have ever sat and jointly clicked on an email with someone else so we could read it together

And this!

Theresnobslikeshowb · 17/04/2020 08:38

For gods sake, you are going to have years of finding out something you’ve been waiting for with your child, it’s going to be a long 14 years if he keeps this up!!

Northernsoulgirl45 · 17/04/2020 08:39

Well if it bothered him so much he should have done the application. I second puttung him down as first contact.
What a child.

.

MolotovMocktail · 17/04/2020 08:43

What a fucking child. My dh was on a work call so I looked up our result and texted him. As he’s a grown up he was happy with the result and that was that.

Whatsername177 · 17/04/2020 08:43

My dh was a bit like this when I took a pregnancy test. He wanted to be sat on the bathroom floor waiting together. He just wanted to be involved but, in this scenario, it was my body, so I pleased myself. He wouldn't have coped with the negative tests. I can understand where your dh is coming from but he has hugely over reacted. Stop engaging. If he brings it up again just say 'fine. I understand you would have liked to have opened the email together. It didn't occur to me at the time. Next time I will wait. But stop flogging me for something I cant change'. Then ignore him.

Crimsonnightlotus · 17/04/2020 08:44

Made me laugh. I'm sure he feels embarrassed later.

AgentJohnson · 17/04/2020 08:50

Tell him that when he gets a place in reception class, that he will be the first to know but he’ll have to wait until he’s older because he’s still a baby.

Greenpop21 · 17/04/2020 08:52

When my DD got her 1st secondary school place, I waited until midnight to find out and woke her to tell her. DH found out in the morning. No issue. You told him at the same time so there’s no issue at all! Maybe see if you can get him a place in reception too.Wink

Rachie1973 · 17/04/2020 08:55

Did he also tell people ‘we’re pregnant’ and ‘we’re breastfeeding’?

Lindy2 · 17/04/2020 08:56

What a bizarre reaction. We're you supposed to click on the email together?
How ridiculous.

Your daughter got her preference school.
You told them both together as soon as you knew.
That's all good.

I'm assuming as your email was used that you were also the person who did the online application for the school places.

Tell him that next time (junior or secondary- whatever application you need next) that you will leave it all for him to do so he gets to be the email clicker.

cantdothisnow1 · 17/04/2020 09:10

Nothing to apologise for.

He's being a dick and sounds slightly unhinged to be upset about this.

Soontobe60 · 17/04/2020 09:13

That's lockdown for you, it's turning us all into irrational ogres! He'll get over it.

champagneandfromage50 · 17/04/2020 09:14

In all the years of waiting for the 'email' not once have i sat with my OH and opened it together....I open it and tell him. Your DH is making a drama out of nothing and I would be asking him for an apology

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