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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I have waited - school results related

107 replies

Shiningstar88 · 17/04/2020 07:14

So like many other parents in the country, yesterday we were anxiously waiting for DD's reception place allocation email.

I have been worrying about this for weeks as there was only really one school we liked when we looked (and one of the reasons we moved where we did 5year ago before we had Dd)

Dh on the other hand hasn't seemed too bothered, and when I said I will be a bit upset if she doesn't get in there he told me it doesn't matter and to get over it.

I am currently wfh and dh is still working but on shifts so was off yesterday. I was finishing off a call when the email dropped in, opened itn found out we had her first place and ran downstairs to tell dh and dd.

After initially being pleased, dh then started sulking that I should have waited for him or called him so we could open the email together. When I said he had never said that before (and we'd even had the conversation about how as soon as I found out I would let him know and he said nothing) he said I should have thought and been more considerate!

After a few too many glasses of wine last night, he has now had a full on rant about how it was unfair I found out first and how I should have used his email so he found out first to see how I would have liked it. I now feel that a really happy moment has been spoilt!

OP posts:

billy1966 · 17/04/2020 10:17

OP, what an exhausting twat.

Are you always in the wrong?

Is he always trying to wrong foot you, no matter what you do?

He needs to grow up.

Do you walk on egg shells trying not to set him off?

Have a think, because he sounds like a real twat.

I can't imagine living with someone so juvenile that a tantrum is his go to emotional when good news re a placement arrives.

Does everything have to be about him?

Two children in the house obviously!

mindutopia · 17/04/2020 10:18

He's being a bit ridiculous. If it matters so much, he could have gone to the trouble to complete and submit the application himself so he could have received the notification first. It's a reception place! I don't even remember what schools we applied for anymore and mine is only in year 2.

rwalker · 17/04/2020 10:18

Unless he's form for being a twat I'd leave it . Think everyone is under stress and strain and a lot of non issue are escalating into arguments.

rwalker · 17/04/2020 10:19

forgot to add DON'T apoligise

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/04/2020 10:20

YANBU.
He appeared unbothered, he didn't say he wanted you to wait to look at the email, how on earth were you supposed to read his mind and work out that actually, appearing unbothered meant that he was really bothered and needed to know the instant you did and not afterwards?

He's just being a dick. Lot of it about.

MyHeartIsInCornwall · 17/04/2020 10:20

Massive facepalm over here. What a child! I get that he would have liked to find out together, but an email isn’t like a letter. It was done out of genuine excitement. Maybe next time he should show more interest, so you actually know he’s even bothered. Idiot!

SarahTancredi · 17/04/2020 10:21

Hes being a twat.

But then I hate that crap with a passion. The crap where they couldnt give a shit about any of it, are quite happy for you to take all the responsibility for organising it then all if a sudden everything is "we got" "we did" and you end up being in the wrong cos you did stuff yourself and didnt give them the opportunity to decide they werent interested again.

Fuck off

pooopypants · 17/04/2020 10:23

My DH didn't even realise that results came out yesterday. I opened the email, screen grabbed it and sent it on WhatsApp...... while he was working upstairs.

He's being a child, and I definitely agree to putting him as contact for everything. When DD is sick, school trips, requests for money - let him deal with it, if he's so concerned about knowing stuff!

JustOneSquareofDarkChocolate · 17/04/2020 10:26

He needs to grow up.

Serenity45 · 17/04/2020 10:34

Hopefully this isn't part of a pattern of twattish childish behaviour...otherwise you've got yourself a grade A prick OP.

Sharpandshineyteeth · 17/04/2020 10:44

Don’t engage in any more conversations about this because it’s ridiculous. If you argue and try and tell him your point you are giving weight to the idea it matters.

TeetotalKoala · 17/04/2020 10:52

We don't get emails here, we have to log on to the admissions page or wait for a letter.
For DS1, I logged onto the council page at about 5am as I woke up stressing about it. I told DH when he got up several hours later.

When DS2s result came through, I was 200 miles away at my parents with the DC for Easter, whilst DH was still at home as he was working. I logged on to the council website to check,didn't occur to me to wait for DH. Although, full disclosure, poor DS2 is subjected to second child syndrome, I'd forgotten that it was results day until I saw it on the news that was on in the background. As he's a sibling, I was reasonably confident of our chances despite the school being oversubscribed.

Is he normally so precious?

PlanDeRaccordement · 17/04/2020 11:02

YANBU
You are not a psychic mind reader. He gave every appearance of not being that bothered by the reception places. The lack of communication is his fault. If he had wanted to be the first to know that badly, he should have said something. You gave him ample opportunities to speak up. If this is a pattern....him being the strong and silent type outwardly but sensitive on inside, there will be more of this until he self improves to communicate better with you.

mrsBtheparker · 17/04/2020 11:04

I think he cared very much about what the outcome would be and knew you did too. However he lined himself up and you to some extent to cope with the disappointment if it didn't go the way you both hoped... but whatever he said he really really did want to know

This is me, I always assume the worst then it can only improve! I would be interested to know what the reactions would have been had the positions been reversed, he found out first and she was annoyed!

cansu · 17/04/2020 11:15

Don't engage with this. He is picking an argument and this is the convenient option. He should be going to reception himself!

Scarlettpixie · 17/04/2020 11:16

He is being a twat. If he wanted it done a certain way he should have said so before hand, you are not a mind reader!

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 17/04/2020 11:19

Your dh sounds like a petulant child.

When my ds got into a prestigious school (after months of being tutored by dh - it was definitely “his thing”) I was the one to open the acceptance letter and give him the good news. Dh wasn’t bothered at all - he was just thrilled ds had got in. Wouldn’t have even occurred to him to be annoyed that I opened the letter.

What did your dh want, a fanfare and trumpets?!!

dontdisturbmenow · 17/04/2020 11:21

Such drama for a primary school place. You'd think it was an email to announce your child had gone into medical school!

BakewellGin1 · 17/04/2020 11:40

What an idiot...
I agree he won't want to be first contact with all the requests that come in for plays, dontations etc
I can genuinely say my DH doesn't read what he gets so I do it anyway...

TerrorWig · 17/04/2020 11:49

Oh FFS do adults really behave like this?

YappityYapYap · 17/04/2020 11:51

Was it really an e-mail for him starting school because he sounds like a 5 year old!

Notverybright · 17/04/2020 11:53

We had the letter today, dp looked then showed me. I didn't even consider getting in a sulk about it.

SirGawain · 17/04/2020 11:58

Are you sure he's old enough to be a father? He's acting like twelve year old.

CrazyTimesAreOccurring · 17/04/2020 12:26

I think YWBVU. You should have called him upstairs at the first sign of the email (reminding him what it was because he had probably forgotten yesterday was THE day) and held hands whilst both choosing a finger to press the button to open the email - after counting 3-2-1-PRESS, or 1-2-3 depending on what you had BOTH decided was the best countdown method.

Anything else apart from that and he is perfectly entitled to not allow you to join in any games next play time.

happymummy12345 · 17/04/2020 13:42

There's nothing weird about wanting a certain school at all. We went to view all 3 local schools and there was 1 that was far better than the other 2. It was the only 1 we wanted our son to go to. Wouldn't have been happy with sending him to either of the other 2 at all.
And I don't think most primary or infant schools are perfectly acceptable at all. There could be many reasons why not. For instance the school our son got into is a small school with less pupils in the class, there is 16 this year in reception. The other 2 local schools both have 30. The smaller school is much better for our son, more accommodating to his needs and we were much happier leaving that 1 than the other 2. I thought all parents would want their child to go to the preferred school if possible

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