To feel that the predictions and hopes that “work from home” is “the new normal” is setting women back in the workplace?

[Justamassivefart]

I work full time in an international company. I also have three children of primary school age. I like many others have struggled during lockdown to do childcare, home educate and continue my full time job from home and try to show that I am “busy” enough so that I do not get made redundant or be seen as surplus to requirements.

Like many other women I am also the default carer for the DC and also cook and cleaner for the household. The regular childminder is not working during the pandemic which has meant that these tasks also fall to me 24/7.

My husband does not want the children leaving the house or any childcarer coming to ours because of the infection risk.

My husband is a complete nob who does not pull his weight, so I married the wrong person and I recognise it will be different when married to an equal and I do plan to get divorced. But even then I would still have all these responsibilities as a single parent as he does not lift a finger, and works intermittently.

I put a huge amount of value in the space and freedom to wear my uniform and go to work in the morning, knowing the DC are happy at school, knowing that I am independent and pick them up at the end of the day.

So every time I am on a call or see an email from (usually a male partner with grown up kids and wives who have been domestic slaves for the sake of their husbands’ career) saying nothing will ever be the same, work from home is “the new normal,” we can “cut the overheads” of an office, my heart sinks.

If the pandemic is going to repeat and there will be repeated outbreaks and schools again will be shut and everyone again has to work from home and women again become the default carers while holding down a full time job, slowly but surely, I feel we will lose the progress we have made.

Is there a bigger picture here I am missing?

YANBU - yes it will set women back
YABU - you are not seeing the whole picture

Imperative to distinguish the current absurd situation with regular wfh.

Yes, I agree with those who’ve said that childcare needs to be in place if wfh is going to be the new norm. Attending a dial-in with a baby on your lap and a six year old waving in the background is fine for now, because these are weird times. It’s inappropriate long-term, though.

One of the silver linings of this grim virus is that numerous manchildren are going to get chucked out by women like the OP who correctly want better.

One thing to remember is that this unique wfh situation with no childcare is already having an impact on women’s long term careers. My firm is looking to furloughthe least productive people. Childless people can obviously work round the clock if needed. Parents trying to look after children at the same time cannot and are more at risk of redundancy or forced furloughing.

The guardian article is good and overdue. I have two DC with special needs and the message a month ago was : just do what you can, no need to take leave. However it feels like its now the new normal and we are expected to get on with it. It doesn't help that I'm the most senior woman in the team with kids.

I don’t want to WFH I want it to be feasible for families to have a SAHP if they choose. Unfortunately, for the vast majority it isn’t a choice at all, both parents have to work to survive. I think the government has cashed in on women being ‘allowed’ to work and altered it into another reality where it becomes a necessity, and yet for many women the other demands of family life seem to fall to them too.
Imagine if it was possible for the majority of families, with one adult earning the average wage, to be able to have a SAHP, how
helpful would that have been during this pandemic? Considering the Tories are running the country we still seem to have a position where by all able bodied adults should be working, children should be in state funded/subsidised childcare the majority of the time (raised by the state?) and people unable to work should be given the bare minimum to survive. Sounds like the arse end of socialism to me.

Smellbellina yes I've raised that point a few times over the years on here and it's a position that sits uncomfortably with me but one that is nonetheless fairly true.

Women entering the workplace allegedly on an equal footing to men (ha) has created a situation where the kind of lifestyle that the parents of today's 30/40 year olds could comfortably afford on one income is for most people now only achievable on at least one and a half salaries.

The world looked at women working and said fine, you do that if you must, but don't think you are going to get to keep any of it and don't expect the men to pick up the slack at home. You made your bed (and everyone else's) so you lie in it.

I've had short periods of being a SAHP during maternity leave and family life does just work better if there is a SAHP. I wasn't willing to give up my career as I had worked hard to get to where I was so I went back with a complicated array of childcare arrangements.

Even so everything just feels like more hard work and stressful than it should be, and I can't help thinking that if I wasn't working we would be poorer but happier as a family (and yes for me an awful lot of that is because I end up picking up the mental load as well as working).

It might set you back, yes.

I'm a single parent in a career that can be done from home but seldom is. I'm in one of the few fully WFH jobs that exists, working part time and raising two small people. I depend on my family for help with childcare so I can't move. If I got made redundant I'd probably have to consider a much less senior role. More WFH roles actually would give me choices I haven't had for years.

I think the opposite. If wfh was the new normal and husband could say do 3 days from home and then 1-2 days in the office it would be much more feasible for me to go to work as I could wfh as well and we could split the school runs. Childcare may still be needed but it definitely be less and can be more flexible and child centric.

In my opinion it's actually the answer to quite a lot of problems with society - eg house prices being so high in London, infrastructure being so overstretched, environmental concerns with transport, as well as better work life balance and children not being stuck in childcare for such long hours which I don't think is great for their development. I would support the government giving tax breaks for companies that reduce the need for office working by say 70-80% (allowing for 1-2 days where people go in to an office).

I really do hope there are changes.

Ideally (with appropriate childcare in place) employers should be more willing to see benefits to flexible working and working from home that benefits parents from either sex.

@Doryhunky any women with children selected would have a claim for indirect discrimination.