Was ex BU and dangerous to do this?

[Oscarthegrouch47]

Just a quick one to gauge opinion. Would you find it acceptable if your ex left dc age 8 alone in the car while he popped into a supermarket for one item? No queue. Car doors locked. Reckons he was no longer than 5-10 minutes.

I feel really uncomfortable about it but ex is arguing that it was safer than taking him into the shop where there's more change of exposure. Dc is sensible and could be trusted not to open doors. Asked dc and he wasn't phased at all but I could never imagine doing this.

With all the unusual circumstances at the minute I just don't know whether my ex was being unreasonable or if he has a valid argument.

I think it's fine (and I wouldn't have let my 8-yr-old play out on their own). Your DS was safer in the car than in the supermarket.

To me 8 is a bit of an inbetween age. He's getting to the point where he can do things alone but is still young and I'm not sure how he'd handle any issues that could arise if he were alone.

I think this is very true. I was reading this thread and was going to come on to say that I have noticed that the ages from around 7-9 or maybe even 10 seem to be when there's the biggest gap in what parents think is okay vs not okay. So there are fairly significant extremes for DS and his friends in terms of what they're allowed to do which are far more noticeable than they were when younger and are also far more noticeable than what I observe of children who are a bit older ie around 11/12. There's obviously still variety at every age, it's just more stark at age 8.

Having said that OP, an 8 year old absolutely should be fine in the car outside a shop for 10 minutes. He should be capable of understanding what to do and where to go (ie the shop - to find the parent) if something goes wrong.

@Astrabees of course I let him play outside. How strange to suggest otherwise. I 'hover' (supervise) if we are out in public because there are no local, suitable places to play unsupervised. If there were a park or something close by or in view then it might be different.

Jeez only in MN could you be slated for watching your own kids! He's sensible but he's still young and inexperienced.

Oh, and in terms o handling issues - this is the time to start working on that. So every time you loosen the strings a bit, DS gets a little reminder on what is/is not appropriate, what he should do in certain situations etc.

Maybe I'm a bit overprotective

Yes. Yes you are.

I started leaving my ds in the car like that around 8, dd was nearer 9 before she was ok with that. I personally would be inclined to trust the judgement of the person who spends most time with a child, rather than the one who is acting out of their own convenience.

Given that your ds wasn’t phased by it, and at the moment it is possibly the lesser of two evils I would let it go. And maybe think about fostering a bit more independence in whatever ways you feel are appropriate.

But I wouldn’t feel pressured either by MN or your ex if your gut tells you otherwise about something.

I wouldn't do this personally. It's not the same as paying for petrol either.

It's fine. I leave my dd for 5 minutes and she's 6. She's very sensible. By 8 I would be sending her to the local shops alone. Not during lockdown though

It's fine except for him locking the car. What if it went on fire?

Apart from the fact that the child can still open the door from the inside you don't really think that a spontaneous car fire is in any way likely do you?

The risk of being hit by another car walking across the car park is astronomically higher than a bizarre car fire for no reason

Yes i’d do that and no I don’t there is any issue. Unless the 8yo really cannot be left alone to just chill without supervision.

And certainl, from a Covid-19 perspective, he was much safer in the car.

I would assume attempted child abductions are more likely than car fires

Any child abductions won't be MNers as they would be certain they'd catch Covid from the child

I'd have done it too.

I wouldn't have done it and if it was happening when my kids were eight I wouldn't have gone to the shop.

Absolutely fine, probably the safest thing to do right now!

I don’t think this is a problem at all. He’s eight! Would you rather he dragged him around a supermarket?
He was not long, he locked the car (all modern cars can be opened from the inside, even when locked!) and so no one would have been able to kidnap him should they do wish. If he was a baby, I’d understand your uneasiness, but he’s eight.. I think you’re being a bit silly and overprotective.

Don't forget that letting them do things that puts them in some level of control helps kids build their confidence and self esteem and is to me crucial to develop them mental well-being.

Sometimes doing things to protect our children end up doing exactly the opposite. Your ds told you he was fine about it. This simple and brief situation might have been enough to give him a first sense of responsibility and clearly he's embraced it.

I think it's fine; we would do that with dd when she was that age. You have to foster independence in children and it has to start somewhere. They also need to know you trust them to 'look after themselves' a bit.

I would just want to be sure that on a very hot day that a window was open a crack and that there was water to drink. Just in case the 10 minutes took a bit longer.

I also think it's fine. You said in your OP that Dc is sensible and could be trusted not to open doors. Asked dc and he wasn't phased at all so it looks like this is a total non-issue. Save your 'rows' with your ex for something more meaningful!

It's fine. Even in non-pandemic conditions.

I'd do this. Not locking the doors though unless the kid inside is able to get out easily.

In fact, if I lock the doors my sensor gets set and if anyone inside moves, the alarm goes off. Once I did this accidentally. The second time I did this my kid realised and I came back to an exasperated child saying 'I've only been able to move my eyeballs!'.

Totally fine

It's fine.

I used to be left in the car long before 7 while my dad went into the bookies. I entertained myself by reading the Readers Digest Atlas and becoming an expert on aquaplaing and loading a roof rack for maximum fuel economy, and learning Chris DeBerg lyrics from the inlay card of the cassette. I'm not advocating that, but the general level of childrens' capability has not radically deteriorated in the last 30 odd years.

8 is old enough to follow instructions and react to problems and get to safety. The greatest hazard is heat build up through a window.

It was the sensible thing to do.

I used to argue with my dh for doing this now lm like please please leave them in the car. They only go once a week on a Saturday when lm at work.

I leave my 8 year old in the car if I pop into somewhere and just take my youngest in with me. Your overthinking it. My 8 year old even goes to the corner shop by himself.