To think this wedding (as it's been planned) won't be going ahead!

[mighthavefinallylostit]

Oldest friend is getting her dream wedding in early July - In Europe with friends and family (from all over the world - including me, one of her bridesmaids) she is adamant it will all be over by then and the wedding will go ahead as planned. AIBU to think it won't, suppliers may have gone bust, family / friends may not be able to travel / some countries may still ban international travel - the list is endless. Of course she can get married, have a beautiful wedding but it might be wise to explore some alternatives?
I'm heartbroken for her, but don't know how to softly break it to her that I (as well as many other guests, may not be able to travel as planned) or AIBU and a bit of a wedding grinch?!

I honestly can't see much non-essential foreign travel happen this side of Christmas. If OP's friend seriously believe the wedding will go ahead as planned she's either delusional or a bit dim.

She definitely needs to manage her own expectations and consider all possible scenarios (and how it would be possible to not just lose all her money). FCO has (or will?) advised no non-essential international travel indefinitely. My work just informed us last night that we need to cancel all travel through the 1st of August and this will be reviewed on a continuing basis what we are meant to do after that.

We had two July weddings in the diary, both have now been cancelled.

Harriett123
Interesting what you say about Australia keeping it's borders shut until next year. DS lives in Sydney, and has said the same. We were supposed to be there now, and our new plan is to travel over Christmas. So much disappointment for people everywhere.

The only thing I would say that the sooner she accepts it the sooner she can rearrange. My SIL was meant to get married in July. In the event they got married last month with just the parents in attendance but have rescheduled the now blessing and reception for the same day next year. Lots of people will be doing the same thing so availability may not be great.

I feel for everyone with events cancelled. DD2's first communion was supposed to be next month and cancelling that was bad enough.

For those saying it will be easy to re-arrange, no it's not!
You have no idea how long the venue has been booked, lots of places are booked up two to three years in advance, especially in the summer months.

My BF is getting married in August in this country and up to now the hotel are tell her it will be going ahead but that they have already had lots of cancellations/rearrangements.

I can’t see hers going ahead but I’m not even mentioning it unless she brings the subject up and even then I’m being very, very non commital and just saying we’ll just have to wait and see.

Please don’t say anything to her, just let it play itself out.

I don't think it's unreasonable to consider it will be able to go ahead - remember this wedding is not in the UK, and it will come down to the rules within the country she is marrying in if they allow wedding parties.

Countries that rely on tourism for their economy will be under pressure to reopen hotels for the summer one way or another.

The OP does need to prepare for how she'll talk to the Bride because you can't presume it won't go ahead.

Right now, I'd tell her that if you book a flight, it might not be covered by insurance if it has to be cancelled due to covid restrictions as it's currently a known risk, so you'll wait until closer to the time, but that if restrictions have been lifted but there's still a risk, you might not feel comfortable going, and others might feel the same, which she does need to prepare for.

As her bridesmaid, can you suggest you start getting details of how many people have non-transferable flights already booked and the conditions needed to trigger refunds, what dates in Autumn/next year available at the hotel and the costs included in moving it. Sell it as "planning for the worse, hoping for the best."

I don't think you need to 'break it to her'. Put simply she has as much access to information as you so she's either trying to be positive or taking the view that until concrete information says otherwise then she's enjoying the distraction of planning.
You don't need to be the Cassandra in this. You just need to support her when she realises her dream wedding isn't going to happen.

Very doubtful it will go ahead in the shape she envisioned it. Slightly shocked that people have been living under a rock like this haven't woken up to this.

I hate to sound snippy but if ever there were a cautionary tale against Bridezilla, this is it

mighthavefinallylostit I am in Spain and we believe that we will be able to start travelling within Schengen in mid to late June. It seems unlikely that anyone from outside Schengen will be allowed in this summer (unless of course exceptional circumstances, that wouldn't be a wedding, and those people would probably have to self-isolate upon arrival). Opening borders to people coming from the U.K. seems very unlikely at the moment.

If your friend and her guests are already in their European country, then yes the wedding may be able to take place in some form. If anyone is in the U.K. and hoping to enter a Schengen country in July, I feel it is overly optimistic. But I do not have expert government information - I don't think anyone does, it depends on the virus statistics in each country nearer the time as well as the individual government's responses.

I hope your friend has a lovely wedding at the time when it is possible.

It’s not happening. May be, best case scenario the venue and everything else involved can postpone/hold it as a booking for next year? And even next year, everyone will be wearing masks. Not great on the photos. It’s sad, but true.

I think the first thing I'd be doing is calling the airline you're flying and ask about their cancellation policy for your flights. Some are putting 'bought by/cancel by' date restrictions on ticket refunds. Same for the hotel where you're staying. As long as I wasn't going to lose my money I'd let the tickets & room ride until closer to the date. But I would still keep a close eye on cancellation policies.

I wouldn't be the one to suggest to her that the wedding may not happen. But I wouldn't lose money just to save her feelings, either. Nor would I put myself into a situation where I was worried about catching CV-19 the whole time.

If it was a small local one id say prob be ok but europe? theyre not going to lift travel bans theyre doing it very slowly and travel will be last-and even then people have lost their jobs on reduced pay who can afford it

IM mean to be going to america in november even i dont think i'll be able to

I've rescheduled my UK wedding for end of October and even I'm worried it might not happen then. I'm also worried about friends from abroad not being able to get back here.

Heartbroken? Really? Why do so many posters on MN exaggerate?

I know! Someone posted a few weeks ago that they were "grieving" because their child's first year at school had been cut short by the lockdown.

Cut some slack. This is unprecedented and most people are trying to come to terms with what's happening. No need to snipe.

@NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite and @ZoeCM of course people can be upset / heartbroken or however they wish to phrase it.

I'm genuinely gutted about postponing ours - together for years, finally found the time to plan and booked a venue etc. I've pit loads of time into stuff (logistics and making sure it's easy for people to attend etc rather than making place decorations etc but honestly, people put time, emotion and money into weddings.

Some people plan a wedding because someone is ill or old and they want them at their wedding before deterioration. Both our parents are over 70 and not fucking following guidelines so who knows how waiting another year will affect it.

I'm not weeping and wailing but that's not to say that other brides or their friends shouldnt.
Hope I've bot invited either of you to mine 😜

@Bridecilla, you have every right to be upset about postponing your wedding. Everyone in the UK who was due to get married this spring and summer has been extremely unlucky. But don't you agree that words like "heartbreak" and "grief" are overused on MN for dramatic effect?

No, I don't think there's any way travel on that scale will be happening. Stopping international discretionary travel is one of the easiest ways to manage to control things and I wouldn't be surprised if no one can take foreign holidays at all in 2020.

@ZoeCM maybe in some cases, not in this. Imagine the army fiance who can't live with her partner until married, someone who's sat up late for nights handmaking invitations etc (I'm neither, but I have genuine empathy)

Someone else's heartbreak or grief isn't mine, or yours, to decide.

As a wider point, couples who want to postpone a wedding to 2021 shouldn’t delay in making arrangements. Our parish secretary is working from home and with the combination of weddings already booked for 2021 plus the postponed 2020 weddings there is a wedding pretty much every weekend in 2021 apart from Lent, with some Saturdays in May doubled up. I imagine it is similar for all wedding suppliers and venues.

@EstebanTheMagnificent that's why we got in quick and postponed ours. Ours is a Friday and the venue lady offered us the Saturday for the same weekend next year but that didn't seem fair in case the Saturday couple needed it. We just took the same friday in July 21.

Well I find your “everything will be cancelled for a long time, deal with it attitude horrible @ TealWater

Being positive and looking forward to things makes me happier!

To answer your original question, no don’t be the one to say that it’s not happening. I’d strongly suggest to the bride to contact the venue and key suppliers for an update on their situation instead. If you’re feeling brave you could suggest that she considers who on her guest list may need to be still isolating (any elderly relatives or people who have had health issues). But as others have said it would be better to let her realise it for herself in a few weeks time.