To think this wedding (as it's been planned) won't be going ahead!

[mighthavefinallylostit]

Oldest friend is getting her dream wedding in early July - In Europe with friends and family (from all over the world - including me, one of her bridesmaids) she is adamant it will all be over by then and the wedding will go ahead as planned. AIBU to think it won't, suppliers may have gone bust, family / friends may not be able to travel / some countries may still ban international travel - the list is endless. Of course she can get married, have a beautiful wedding but it might be wise to explore some alternatives?
I'm heartbroken for her, but don't know how to softly break it to her that I (as well as many other guests, may not be able to travel as planned) or AIBU and a bit of a wedding grinch?!

My brother was meant to get married tomorrow. They rearranged it about 6 weeks ago to October but even that’s doubtful I think🙁

My uncle was supposed to get married this June. Its now been cancelled and he's getting married next June. They did say they could get married but could only have 5 people present and they wouldn't be able to put each others wedding rings on as it involved close body contact even though they already live together.

ah it's a bit sad. I can see why she'd be hanging on to the possibility. But it does seem very unlikely.

Was chatting to a friend who lives in Paris yesterday and he was saying that although tentative plans are being made for schools to start returning in May, gatherings of over 100 people were still banned till July at least. Will be interesting to see how it works for them - though their lockdown has been much stricter than ours.

I'd probably not be the one to push it with her. She probably, deep down, knows that it's unlikely but is in denial to try and cheer herself up.

Mine is still booked for July. I've got a back up date pencilled in just in case but we've been told to sit it out for a bit longer first.

My mid July wedding in Ireland is cancelled. It was going to be about 80 people but honestly, I can't see a lot of people willing to risk a large gathering until there's a widely available vaccine.

Regarding your friend, it's not just about whether restrictions are lifted, it's about;
people who've lost jobs/ been on reduced pay being unable to afford a foreign jaunt - even a cheap one.
Anyone who's in a category that means they are more at risk will avoid it like, well, the plague.
There will still be restrictions - social distancing, limits on crowd numbers, that sort of thing.
There could be issues with suppliers - going bust, themselves being ill or being in a vulnerable category, or getting sick and failing last minute to deliver the service. The country the wedding is held in could end up having a massive surge again or even a second lockdown right around her wedding, stranding guests there.
In short, it's got far too much potential for it all to go to shit on her. I understand wanting her dream day - I was disappointed too but I'm determined to be realistic with a good dollop of humour to get me through it.

Interested in this as my BIL is getting married end of July - in England but not near where anyone lives so involving train journeys and hotel stays for all the guests. I’m pregnant and high risk and selfishly really hoping it’s not allowed to go ahead because otherwise I’ll be in the difficult position of having to decide whether or not to go. Would be gutted to miss it and it wouldn’t go down well. Would also hate being separated from my toddler if DH took him and left me behind ☹️

What do you think the point would be of convincing her it won't go ahead?

This is heartbreaking but no I don’t think July will happen. I got married last year thank god we didn’t wait with a long engagement

Is this not the time to re evaluate the whole monster of "Dream Weddings" ? What is it all about marriage or a show off party?

We've just postponed our early August wedding until next year.

Even though we're unlikely to be in full 'lockdown' there will still probably be social distancing requirements in force wherever possible, which could well mean large gatherings are still banned. Plus, as PPs have said, lots of people just may not feel comfortable coming even if the official guidance is that it's ok.

It wasn't a nice decision to make but sticking our heads in the sand was pointless. Things are going to be not-normal for a long time yet!

Sorry I didn't mean for me to break her bubble about the wedding. But more when to tell her I won't be able to make the wedding - if it goes ahead - It's highly unlikely I'd be able to travel or comfortable doing so.

Definitely not. We've moved our end of June wedding to the end of October and I'm not even sure if that will happen. Either way we won't be going abroad for a honeymoon or anything else this year.

Probably not, but who knows. However, airlines are saying they hope or will fly, no one is refunding, suppliers are keeping bookings open. Not a lot she can do until it’s officially cancelled.

She can probably still get married, but the whole flashy big destination wedding is unlikely to go ahead.

I doubt it will go ahead. Also, even if she and her H2B were happy to travel, would they want elderly or vulnerable relatives or even just anyone friends/relatives to risk travelling on their behalf? If she isnt spending any extra money or asking anyone else to (eg booking flights/hotels) then I'd probably just mention you may feel reluctant to travel. I'd then leave it till maybe a month before to actually say anything firm and try not to worry - it's likely she will realise it won't go ahead by that point anyway.

I'd say wait until nearer the time. I became aware of what was happening with Corona a few weeks ahead of most people I know in real life. And I realised quickly that most people didn't actually want to know. A nurse friend told me how worried she was and I initially thought she was genuinely mad. But it niggled at me and I started to read up on it, looking for reassurance, and realised what was going to happen. I was involved with organising some sports events and after mentioning the possibility of cancellation to some friends and them acting like I was mad, I realised I basically had to live my life planning for two completely separate outcomes.

One was what I knew was more likely to happen, everything cancelled, lockdown, etc. The other was what I wished could still happen, ie everything that had originally been planned going ahead. So when people told me about events that were organised, I just told them how much I was looking forward to it even though I knew it wasn't going to happen. And now that the shutdown and cancellation has happened, the same thing is happening in terms of what happens when it ends. We have to prepare for a long lockdown but on the other hand, maybe, just maybe things will change. A really effective medical treatment for severe cases could be developed. A discovery that infection rates have been much, much higher than we assumed and our immunity rate is now high enough for a significant relaxation of restriction. We just don't know what will happen next. So it's best not to rain on anyone else's plans until we have a clearer idea.

It's much easier to accept the cancellation of things when it's inevitable, rather than just probable. Let her come to it in her own time. She doesn't need to know your own travel intentions, yet.

How long do I leave it ?

@DisgruntledGuineaPig I think you are in denial, because it is now highly apparent by government sources that the lockdown will still in place until September. It is highly unlikely the lockdown will be lifted before mid August.

I wouldn't admit to not going until much closer. What is the point? Especially when in the brides very hopeful bubble you dont know how you will feel in July.

IF flights start up again tell her you aren't comfortable travelling at that point.

@KaptenKrusty She's the bridesmaid, so is assisting the bride with preparations (I presume) so of course she has a right to be involved! She also has to travel over there, so even more reason!

I find this 'hold onto hope' and don't be negative stance to be very irritating and in denial of reality. Reality won't cease being a reality if you whistle a happy tune and pretend it's not happening. You need to face it and accept it. Also, if someone is adamant their wedding will go ahead (instead of giving their guests an 'out') then that will put enormous emotional pressure on people to attend out of guilt even if they would have preferred the bride cancelled. It's just my opinion but I think it's selfish of brides to not call it off. Because even if, by some extremely unlikely rare scenario that the lockdown is off by then, people will be more wary about travelling, especially if it isn't actually eradicated. Guests I am sure would rather the bride cancel and relieve them all of the decision of how and when to tell the bride they can no longer come. OP definitely should present the taking the guilt away from the guests angle as a reason to her friend to cancel. It's not all about the bride, it's about the guests, and how they feel about travelling. I doubt many would prefer to disappoint the bride because they are fearful of being in an aluminium tube with 300 other strangers at 30 thousand feet with recycled air. I wager most are just hoping for the bride to call it off so they don't have to worry about having that conversation.

Forgot to add on that guests make preparations, so the sooner it is cancelled, the better. Holding off making a decision does nothing for your guests.

YANBU to think it won't be going ahead in its current form. However, YABU to say I'm heartbroken for her. Heartbroken? Really? Why do so many posters on MN exaggerate?

No chance it’ll happen, but until she works that out for herself I’d just say it’s not possible to make travel arrangements just now. Be there to support her when it is cancelled.

You can either:

1. Tell her now and stand well back more than 2m
2. Leave it for a month or so then tell her (see 1, above)
3. Leave it until a week or so before, and then tell her (also see 1, above)

It doesn't matter when you tell her, she's obvs been planning this for a very long time. You don't want to be the first to burst her bubble, but you will add to the popping of it.

Sorry. At least you can eat now, and don't have to be on a diet to fit into your BM dress every cloud has a chocolate cake lining