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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit self conscious for not having social media?

79 replies

Futaridoushi · 15/04/2020 12:44

Not really an AIBU I guess. DH and I are in our mid to late twenties, and neither of us have any social media accounts (except a dormant Facebook account). We've also never had them to begin with. I've not thought about it much until recently, and now I'm feeling that perhaps I'm weird?

Both of us are really techy and spend most of our lives on the internet, so it's not that I don't know how to use it. Sometimes my friends look at me like I'm an alien. Is not having social media that unusual for someone my age?

OP posts:
DICarter1 · 15/04/2020 12:49

It’s probably healthier. I’m on Facebook and Twitter - Facebook mainly as I’m on a lot of groups for parents with children who have Sen. But I think it can be very damaging for some people’s mental health and doesn’t always make us as connected as we could be.

LilacTree1 · 15/04/2020 12:51

I heard that people in their 20s are increasingly rejecting it

I don’t really have it either - Instagram to follow art and artists. No interest in seeing what people did at the weekend etc.

koshkatt · 15/04/2020 12:54

Isn't MN social media?

browzingss · 15/04/2020 12:54

Yes it’s unusual but not unheard of

I’m in my early 20s and think everyone my age are using social media less (baring in mind we grew up with snapchat, Instagram and Twitter at their prime so would have used these extremely heavily). So everyone actually has accounts, but some don’t post anymore, particularly on Twitter.

Original poster
Futaridoushi · 15/04/2020 13:01

@koshkatt I don't think I would class it as social media, at least not in the traditional sense. I do use forums, but it doesn't feel like social media to me as people are anonymous? Though opinions may vary on that one.

The thing is, I grew up with the rise of social media, so that's why I'm raising an eyebrow at myself. It's not like I used to have it and then decided to reject it. I've just never bothered. Not with MySpace, Twitter, Instagram. Just nothing. As I said, I never even noticed until the current pandemic that I might be in such a small minority. That's why now I'm like 'oh'. Blush

OP posts:
koshkatt · 15/04/2020 13:08

Don't worry OP. I have nothing but MN either and am glad of it. I see people who are obsessed with FB and it is really sad. Be proud!

Anotheruser02 · 15/04/2020 13:12

I don't have it either. I'm not that interesting, I couldn't be bothered viewing me if I wasn't me.

Raver84 · 15/04/2020 13:18

Haven't had Facebook for about 7 years much prefer my anonymity in life I do t want people seeing photos of me or especially my children. I really value my privacy.

TenToTheDozen · 15/04/2020 13:27

I think it's great. Good for you for choosing to be different and rejecting the social norms. I'm sure it's better for mental health.

Pinkpepper9 · 15/04/2020 13:31

Same here, mid twenties, I had social media accounts up to about 5 years ago, but found myself just wasting time following other people’s lives. Deleted everything and have never looked back 😊 It’s nice taking photos without feeling the need to share them with the world.

GreenTulips · 15/04/2020 13:32

Depends how you use it

It’s useful for school messages kids clubs and at the moment which shops deliver who’s open press conferences and such like

I’m not interested in someone dinner etc

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 15/04/2020 13:33

There is nothing wrong with not being on. Equally there is nothing wrong with being on it. I wouldn't think anything odd if my friends told me they are not on any.

I have them to keep in touch as I live abroad. I have a out 40 friends on facebook. Twitter is good to watch bun fights between local politiciansGrin. Instagram. Well, that's a rabbit hole.

SimonJT · 15/04/2020 13:34

I have instagram, I rarely use it and I have a small number of very close friends on it. I have never had facebook or twitter.

What I do find bizarre is when some people claim a partner not having loads of social media accounts as a red flag, has it really become so ingrained in some peoples lives that they wouldn’t even want a partner who didn’t have it.

MamaBearLockdown · 15/04/2020 13:39

Isn't MN social media?

Yes... but be quiet about it, there are quite a few posters on here who feel superior because they are too important/clever/educated for social media..GrinGrinGrin

(not a dig against the OP, I had other posters in mind...)

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 15/04/2020 13:52

Forums such as MN are technically social media. It's bit of a grey area. As they operate differently to platforms which are known as social media platforms, users usually don't see forums as SM.

browzingss · 15/04/2020 13:57

I think there’s a difference between having an old/unused or boring account vs not having anything at all though for someone in their early/mid 20s. I guess no one you meet can check you out and confirm you’re not a weirdo Grin

I think we’re used to having a certain access (photos, people you know etc) to the majority of people’s lives that it’s strange coming across someone who don’t have social media at all.

LilacTree1 · 15/04/2020 14:11

OP it really doesn’t matter
If you need to check in on anyone, just call them or text them.

Zoey92 · 15/04/2020 14:15

I've only Instagram.
I came off facebook about 5year ago, which I'm pleased because some of the stuff my OH shows me its utter crap!

YourVagesty · 15/04/2020 14:42

I heard that people in their 20s are increasingly rejecting it

I've heard that too. I think social media is profoundly damaging for individuals and for society so I think it's great you are not on it. I came off it about 5 years back and I feel like a healthier, happy person.

dayswithaY · 15/04/2020 14:46

I've never been on Facebook. I think it would be bad for my mental health as I would see everyone living amazing lives, having adoring, grateful children and a fabulous social life and it would just make me feel like an inadequate, lazy dullard. I know this so I just keep away. I don't think I'm missing much, I still have friends and keep in the loop without seeing photos of people's dinner.

The other reason is I'm just too shy to post pics of myself, my Christmas tree, my new shoes, etc. I just don't like attention and Facebook seems like an endless exercise in attention seeking. Always remember, it's not compulsory. People are using it less and less anyway. Don't worry about it.

Original poster
Futaridoushi · 15/04/2020 15:24

@MamaBearLockdown yeah, I definitely don't have any problems with social media, just super indifferent to it. I don't think I'm any better than my friends for not having it, and I still suffer from fear-of-missing-out-syndrome and envy, despite not seeing any of my friends' pictures on an SNS feed every day.

@SimonJT I guess that is a thing about partners. You wouldn't be able to find DH and he has never had social media (though in his case, he might just be slightly anti-social), but I've never found that odd as I also don't have any. Now that I think of it, it's probably rather amusing that we are both not interested. Neither of us could care less if the other got social media, and yet here we are. Both weirdos.

OP posts:
OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 15/04/2020 15:43

I think social media is profoundly damaging for individuals and for society so I think it's great you are not on it.

It is what you make for it. As with many other things it can or it doesn't have to be damaging. Imo people should take more responsibility from their own side. As I said, I have about 40 people on facebook. Family and close friends. I do not accept random friend requests nor do I accept requests from people i barely know, let alone people I don't like. Sticking to this means that I see only who I like and want. As I don't surround myself by that "omg look at me cocktails like you had to do all the nights before" type in real life anyway, no one on my Facebook shares any fake news, fake up holiday etc. They share things that make them happy and we are happy for each other. Or sad. Same with Instagram. Mine is incredibly relaxing and interesting. Handful of family and friends and crapload of artists, local business my interests and just pretty nature pics. Also cats of instagram. Most of my friends are like this.
So yeah. It is what you make of it. There are options to unfriended, unfollow, block and hide on all of them.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 15/04/2020 15:46

Again though. There is nothing wrong with not being on any.

Fandoozle1 · 15/04/2020 22:04

I deleted Facebook a few months ago and honestly felt so free.
I have kept Mumsnet as some wonderful people on here helped me out in a time of need (crushing post natal depression) and it was a place for me to put my feelings anonymously and receive support, which I may need again someday (and also I hope I could help someone in the same position)

LastTrainEast · 15/04/2020 22:28

I think it's handy to have the accounts there though. Sometimes there's a need or someone will want to show you something. But I don't log into mine for days or weeks.