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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit self conscious for not having social media?

79 replies

Futaridoushi · 15/04/2020 12:44

Not really an AIBU I guess. DH and I are in our mid to late twenties, and neither of us have any social media accounts (except a dormant Facebook account). We've also never had them to begin with. I've not thought about it much until recently, and now I'm feeling that perhaps I'm weird?

Both of us are really techy and spend most of our lives on the internet, so it's not that I don't know how to use it. Sometimes my friends look at me like I'm an alien. Is not having social media that unusual for someone my age?

OP posts:
CraftyGin · 16/04/2020 16:11

What is Mumsnet if it's not social media?

PhilCornwall1 · 16/04/2020 17:30

@CraftyGin Years ago this wouldn't have been called social media, it would have been called a forum and nothing more, before that a news group.

To me this is quite different to "social media" such as Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.

squeekums · 17/04/2020 06:30

Who really cares whether you are on it or not

A lot of people
If I meet someone and they wanna stay in contact they look at me like an alien when I say I don't use FB, like I'm uncontactable cos of it.
Dd school does a lot via FB and seems to expect all parents have it. "Oh we put it on FB"
My job network place thinks it's odd I don't use LinkedIn for basic retail, they say FB is a great way to find work too.
So many care and even expect it

Bluesheep8 · 17/04/2020 07:14

*koshkatt

Isn't MN social media?*

Yes in a way. It's the only platform I'm on, I don't have Facebook because I know I'd feel obliged to respond to people (family/friends) and that wouldn't be good for me. I don't feel obliged to respond to things on here. That's the difference for me. Plus I couldn't be doing with all the settings and who could see what, I'd be constantly worrying about causing offence. I have enough on trying to keep in touch with the people I already need to, iyswim.

Bluesheep8 · 17/04/2020 07:15

Actually agree with a pp, this is more of a forum than social media.

EdwinaMay · 17/04/2020 07:17

Mumsnet is anonymous - that is the difference. We are not using our real names. FB is the opposite I would think (not on it).
I would hate the requirement to like, admire, comment on stuff constantly. It would make me slightly anxious.
Twitter is irritating, maybe I follow the wrong people. It is mostly people trying to prove how awful other people are/ other people's comments are. Or scary headlines.

Bluesheep8 · 17/04/2020 07:18

I don't even know what Snapchat and TikTok are. Or instagram for that matter Blush

Ginfordinner · 17/04/2020 07:22

I make FB work for me. I rarely post on it, but am currently finding the local information posted on it during this crisis very useful. The council post stuff like changed bin collection days. Local shops advertise when they are open and if they are doing deliveries. The local community pages are offering all kinds of help to people in complete isolation.

It can be a fantastic resource. I have unfollowed people who post pictures of their dinner, and none of my friends are the type to post boastful stuff.

Lastly, I found using Messenger was the best way to keep in touch with DD when she was at university. She doesn't have WhatsApp, and she couldn't get a decent phone signal in her halls.

I have my privacy settings set as high as possible as well.

randomsabreuse · 17/04/2020 07:39

I find Facebook is useful for running club, sports clubs, school stuff also local Covid stuff. I don't have Instagram, have totally forgotten my twitter details.

squeekums · 17/04/2020 07:40

local information posted on it during this crisis very useful. The council post stuff like changed bin collection days. Local shops advertise when they are open and if they are doing deliveries. The local community pages are offering all kinds of help to people in complete isolation

So essentially if you want info on your local, area you gotta be on FB, I HATE that expectation and refuse to get FB just cos it's assumed everyone has it.

Bluesheep8 · 17/04/2020 09:05

So essentially if you want info on your local, area you gotta be on FB, I HATE that expectation and refuse to get FB just cos it's assumed everyone has it.

My thoughts exactly. We had a note posted through the door to let us know about an FB group for our little community. When I said thank you but we're not on FB, it was met with Shock

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 17/04/2020 11:17

You don't HAVE to be on fb to have that information. 🙄 You can always go on individual websites like council one or the particular businesses.
Refusing to get it "just because of the expectations that everyone has it" is quite ridiculous.
Obviously facebook will be used for community groups and such. It's a free platform with great group options and easy control🤷🏻 Websites cost money...

Ginfordinner · 17/04/2020 11:25

I have found that places like the council often update social media sites before updating their own websites, as it is in the main, the quickest way of letting a large audience know what is going on.

You have to be more proactive and know which websites to look at to find out what is going on in the community.

Where I live South Yorkshire Police, Northern Rail etc tend to post updates on Twitter.

OneandTwenty · 17/04/2020 12:12

You don't HAVE to be on fb to have that information. 🙄 You can always go on individual websites like council one or the particular businesses

not always
All the info about our local tips, change to rubbish collection, fire station advice, police advice, local delivery companies.. it's all on their facebook page, none of their websites has been updated yet.

Plus it's easy for any member of staff to update a facebook page from home, whilst they might not have access to the actual website.

I have an elderly family member who point blank refuses to use any social media, I have joined every local group for them and update them as they go, even if they barely believe info not on websites. Grin

Ginfordinner · 17/04/2020 12:38

That is very much the case round here as well OneandTwenty. Although I agree that people shouldn't feel coerced into having Facebook, I feel that people avoiding any kind of social media to prove a point or because they feel morally superior in any way are just cutting their noses off to spite their faces.

These are strange times, and sometimes we have to do things that we wouldn't normally do. Social media is often misused and open to all kinds of abuse, but it can be used for such a lot of good, and is currently the best platform for accessing an awful lot of local information. It isn't a one way street.

Ifonlywecouldwishuponastar · 17/04/2020 12:42

It's probably healthy not having it. I'm a lot older and it makes me feel rubbish when I've spent so long posting something to not having any feedback.

squeekums · 17/04/2020 12:43

You don't HAVE to be on fb to have that information. 🙄 You can always go on individual websites like council one or the particular businesses.
Refusing to get it "just because of the expectations that everyone has it" is quite ridiculous.
Obviously facebook will be used for community groups and such. It's a free platform with great group options and easy control🤷🏻 Websites cost money...

Depends, our local council hasn't touched their website in ages. But meh if I need info that bad I will call them.

I should clarify, I did have FB years ago like almost a decade lol but deleted it, so ive tried it, dont like it so wont use it.

All well and good for groups to use it, I just dont like it so won't be pushed into it cos that's what everyone else does, from dd school, local business, council whatever.
I do refuse, cos people try convince me to get on it again lol, "you can lock privacy tight, dont have to do this or that" well yeah I can and no I don't have to but then why bother being on in first place? Why be on a site, use less than half of what it can do just for a few business updates? I'd rather use sites I use more aspects of

OneandTwenty · 17/04/2020 12:47

you do what you want, but no need to be a martyr.

I have got.. 4 facebook accounts Grin
a bit much possibly, but I have absolutely no worry about my privacy. They each have their very different use.

Ginfordinner · 17/04/2020 13:05

Some of my favourite eating places only take bookings via Facebook.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 17/04/2020 13:08

Some of my favourite eating places only take bookings via Facebook.

Wth? I have never encountered that. Why? That's bit... Making their own life difficult imo.

Ginfordinner · 17/04/2020 13:11

Making their own life difficult imo

Not at all. They are very popular, and booked up for months ahead.

OmgThereAreNoPlanesAboveMeNow · 17/04/2020 13:28

@Ginfordinner Oh, I believe they are booked up. I meant it that they must be dealing with plenty of people who want to book but don't have fb. I never knew place with just fb bookings. Usually it's tied with their own booking system on a website.

Ilovemyhairbeingstroked · 17/04/2020 13:31

Keep it that way ! I wish I never went on Facebook

Ginfordinner · 17/04/2020 13:47

I suspect they have a Facebook page rather than a website. As a PP has pointed out it costs nothing to have a Facebook page, and they probably don't have the technical knowhow to create a website.

Fleamaker123 · 17/04/2020 14:01

@LEELULUMPKIN
No mobile phone! Wow that's my dream, I HATE having to have a mobile, feels like a tracking device sometimes.
I have WhatsApp and obviously mumsnet, my 16 year old son doesn't have any at all.