To feel a bit self conscious for not having social media?

[Futaridoushi]

Not really an AIBU I guess. DH and I are in our mid to late twenties, and neither of us have any social media accounts (except a dormant Facebook account). We've also never had them to begin with. I've not thought about it much until recently, and now I'm feeling that perhaps I'm weird?

Both of us are really techy and spend most of our lives on the internet, so it's not that I don't know how to use it. Sometimes my friends look at me like I'm an alien. Is not having social media that unusual for someone my age?

Your on social media now!🤔

I think social media is profoundly damaging for individuals and for society so I think it's great you are not on it.

When you have family and friends spread across various countries, it's a fantastic way to stay in touch - plus you don't put people on the spot like a private email would. You post whatever you want, others are free to react or ignore as they please.

Huh? You're on a forum. What do you think this is? It's not a hot air balloon is it. Mumsnet et al is the very definition of social media

If it bothers you start using it. If it doesn't bother you, don't.
What is the issue?

I think social media can be great and a brilliant way to keep in touch but you need to approach and use with caution.

I used to use Facebook a lot but found it was having a really negative impact on my mental health, sense of worth and self esteem. No matter how much you tell yourself that people present their ‘best side’ on social media and that it is not necessarily a true reflection of their reality, it can be almost impossible not to feel utterly inferior from time to time. Eventually I stopped using it altogether, although I still have the account. Sometimes I feel bad because various friends and family now don’t get to see updates on the dc as they used to do, and I suspect I’m missing out on loads of stuff now we’re in lockdown, but I have to prioritise my own sanity. I can’t cope with it. The cons outweigh the pros for me. Obviously plenty of other people can use it quite happily but I think you need to be self-aware enough to make a judgement call as to whether it’s going to be a positive or negative thing in your life.

I do have twitter and Instagram accounts but purely for looking and reading, I never post or comment on any other posts. Got the insta account purely so that I could look at insta stories of the Strictly Come Dancing dancers/celebs when Strictly is on as you can only look at stories when logged in to an account. My cast iron rule is I only ever look at Twitter or Insta posts from famous people I admire - actors/ comedians/ sportspeople etc - never anyone I know in real life. Because I would have the same feelings of worthlessness as I have with Facebook if I did.

After reading all these comments I have to think, does no-one else go on social media and see their friends looking fabulous and having a great time and actually feel happy for them like I do? Why is everyone else saying it makes them feel worthless or inferior to see these photos?

Mumsnet definitely is social media

Candyfloss MN is odd like that about social media. Lots of MNetters seem to think posting pics of your holiday or having fun is ‘rubbing their nose in it’ (whatever ‘it’ is) and showing off. I find I like to see my friends enjoying themselves and I love travelling so enjoy seeing others doing it. I’m pretty sure my approach is more balanced and more in line with what my friends planned when they posted...

You can feel happy and delighted for friends, enjoy seeing their pics etc but feel kind of worthless/inferior at the same time though. It’s an insidious kind of feeling which develops over a period of time. Hard to explain. People with very robust self esteem wouldn’t necessarily understand it but it’s a valid feeling all the same.

@opticaldelusion As I said before, I was using quite a narrow definition of 'social media'. I get that the term is now quite broad. In my head I was only counting any platform that is (usually) used to connect to or with people in real life, such as Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, TikTok etc.

As someone said before, there seems to be this idea that if a man can't be found on social media they have something to hide. Neither me or DH have secret double lives, but I guess if either of us were single and dating, people would perhaps be suspicious.

31 and no FB Twitter, Instagram, NOTHING
No need or want of it
I deleted fb many many years ago

I'm only on forums

I'm mid-20s - i know lots of people who don't have one or another SM (so no FB or SC but have IG) but know very few with none.

@Futaridoushi I don't have any social media and work in IT as a consultant and software developer. My colleagues and people I know outside of work think it odd that I don't have it, considering what I do for a living. I just can't see the point of it.

A friend of mine once said he thought people that don't have social media are weird and not to be trusted. I just told him he was a dick.

This is going to sound proper wanky but if you can curate your own SM feeds then it can be a great way to communicate. If you use Instagram, then only follow those whose posts make you happy. Keep a private account and only let in those that you would willing let into your home.

And with MN (also SM), I specifically swerve certain boards / posts begun by certain posters/ threads which are too long to read etc.

If you want to use SM there are ways of making it work for you. But not using SM is also completely fine and should be more normal.

Feels a bit like a weird stealth boast. Hi guys! I'm too cool for social media! I have no need for the validation that others seem to crave!

My teen thinks FB is for old people.

@YangShanPo Same here, my two use discord. Whatever the hell that is.

@opticaldelusion yea I don't really get the people who boast about not being no social media. Who really cares whether you are on it or not?

DH has a FB account he never uses, he just uses messenger to keep in touch with his Dad and friends who live abroad.

I only have Instagram, I haven’t had FB for years.

We’re also young and I don’t think this is weird at all.

Do you have children? I don't put much personal stuff on social media but find the likes of facebook/whatsapp/twitter to be pretty valuable for information about children's activities, as so much is communicated through social media, especially facebook pages and groups. Without them, I wouldn't know when the swim club christmas party was being organised, or that ballet school is starting beginner tap classes on a Tuesday (message if your child is interested) or that football training is cancelled this Saturday etc etc

Hmm, I don't think at all that I'm 'too cool' for social media. Before Covid-19, I hadn't even given it a second thought. I was just wondering if there were many others who similarly to me have no social media presence, and whether maybe not having any might make people (such as future employers) suspicious.

If my friend wanted to show me someone's Instagram, I'm not going to not look and think 'eew'. I like looking at my friends' photos or listening to their stories. I just can't ever see myself posting my own stuff there. I have to remind myself to take pictures when I'm on holiday as I'd otherwise just forget. Not because I think I'm above it.

I went on a three week trip to Asia by myself a few years ago, realised I'd only taken about ten photos throughout and was a bit sad. Though I'm sure the next time I'll go somewhere I'll just forget again.

Well If you are weird OP I must be positively freaky. I don't even have a mobile phone!

Couldn't give a toss what anyone else thinks.

I look at MN on my PC but have no FB/Insta/whatsapp/ etc, etc.

Never had it and no desire to get it either.

I got rid of all social media accounts after finding out that potential employers like to stalk candidates. They can easily form the wrong impression.

I find Facebook absolutely invaluable for local community things, especially fundraising activities like collecting for foodbanks etc. Our local town has an active page and we’re all helping with collections for NHS staff, homeless and other people affected by Covid.

I volunteer as a fundraiser and have personally raised £000s via crowdfunding for local projects purely using social media - it’s an absolutely essential tool in raising awareness.

SM is so much more than ‘look at me’ photos. My FB privacy is locked down and I don’t accept random friend requests from anyone I don’t know.

My favourite platform is Twitter though - as well as following journalists both here and abroad, it’s great for recipes (Jack Monroe) and also a fabulous way of complaining - almost always guaranteed to get a speedy response.

After reading all these comments I have to think, does no-one else go on social media and see their friends looking fabulous and having a great time and actually feel happy for them like I do?

I do! And as they are friends, I do know about the size of their house or their holidays anyway, and what they do look like. Seeing people happy cheers me up.