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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend issues

80 replies

Rosalie49 · 14/04/2020 23:33

I’ve got this friend who I’ve been friend with now for about 7 years. We lost contact for about 4 years and we’ve very recently just got in contact again. We’ve been texting but not regularly and we haven’t met up or anything.

Anyway, she randomly text me tonight and asked if she could borrow £40 since she has a direct debit she needs to cover. She said her mum can help her but not until Friday and it will be too late by then. I’ve lent her money many years ago and whilst she did pay me back, it took a while for me to get it and I had to ask for it a couple of times too.

I am in a position where I can afford to lend her £40 but I can’t help but feel it’s a bit rude of her to ask. For one, I’ve just had a baby (5 weeks ago) and to be honest, that’s the only reason we made contact with each other again as she text me to congratulate me and we started talking from that and two, we haven’t spoke in years.

But at the same time I can’t help but think, is that not what friends are for? To help you when you need help?

I don’t know what to do.

Also, I want to add that personally, I would never ask a friend for money. I’d ask family. She had a very large family (4 siblings) and I can’t help but wonder why none of those are willing to help? They are all very close with each other too.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosalie49 · 14/04/2020 23:34

Sorry, *has a very large family not had!

OP posts:
TheReluctantCountess · 14/04/2020 23:35

I’d be reluctant to help, to be honest. It would be easy enough to say you just haven’t got it, what with the new baby.

ichifanny · 14/04/2020 23:38

I wouldn’t anyone who has the nerve to ask someone they haven’t spoken to in years for money when they have just had a baby is frankly bizarre and inappropriate . Does she think you are a pushover ? Tell her things are tight being on mat leave .

MahMahMahMahCorona · 14/04/2020 23:39

If you can afford to lend it without expecting her to pay it back, go for it. Otherwise I wouldn't - a 5 week old baby is a good enough excuse to say no.

Leeds2 · 14/04/2020 23:41

I'm afraid I wouldn't, and her request would leave me to question exactly why she had got in touch in the first place.

BanKittenHeels · 14/04/2020 23:42

YABU:
40%

YANBU:
100%

Total votes: 5

^ very strange.

I wouldn’t know what to do either but I certainly know I’d feel uncomfortable with someone returning to my life and asking for money.

TaTuirseOrm · 14/04/2020 23:42

I'd say no, she's not really that good a friend if you haven't been in touch in years.

BanKittenHeels · 14/04/2020 23:43

And congratulations on your new arrival!

Riv · 14/04/2020 23:43

This phase of your friendship is too new to risk. You have known her for a long time, but you lost touch for 4 years. What you now have is fragile but stands a good chance of developing. Lending money at the moment of is likely to come between you. Money frequently causes problems in strong long term friendships. Are you willing to loose the money and a friend?

Fatasfooook · 14/04/2020 23:43

I’d give her it then ghost her

JKScot4 · 14/04/2020 23:43

You haven’t spoke in years and only got back in touch a few weeks ago?
It’s a no from me, she’s a CF

Summersun77 · 14/04/2020 23:46

No, really suspicious that she’s asked you not a sibling (wonder if she owes them money she hasn’t paid back?) and quite cheeky given the circumstances. I’d say no and back off the friendship.
Congrats on your baby Flowers

IAmWineWineIsMe · 14/04/2020 23:53

Just say no. If she comes back and you feel she needs an explanation just say given the current crisis, maternity leave pay etc you can't afford it

Cherrysoup · 15/04/2020 01:13

God no!

DysonFury · 15/04/2020 04:21

No chance.

WtfIsThisEven · 15/04/2020 04:32

No way.

Isolatedbunny · 15/04/2020 04:35

That would be a no for me.

Jokie · 15/04/2020 06:17

Nope. Not a chance

JazzyTheDog · 15/04/2020 06:20

Don’t lend her the money. Not only is she being a CF it’s completely inappropriate for her to ask and puts you in an awkward spot.

Nicolastuffedone · 15/04/2020 06:20

No.

Monty27 · 15/04/2020 06:22

No way

Norma27 · 15/04/2020 06:27

I've just got back in touch with an old friend I hadn't seen for years.
He earns a fortune. I am skint and just had an amazing job offer withdrawn.
No way would I ask him for any money and risk the friendship we have back. I am not a CF!

LockdownMayhem · 15/04/2020 06:27

My thought would be that either she has already asked the siblings and they've said no, or that she needs more and has asked for smaller amounts from more people, both of which don't bide well.

What is her situation at the moment? Is she working/furloughed? Does she have kids?

My instinct would be to say no, as she's only been back in touch for a few months, but depending on her circumstances, I might just give it to her as a one off and write it off if I could afford to do so. But the risk is she would keep coming back to you, so I guess it would depend.

LockdownMayhem · 15/04/2020 06:27

*bode, not bide.

TheRealHousewife · 15/04/2020 06:41

TBH I just wouldn’t. It will be more trouble than it’s worth. You’ve just had a baby ... congratulations:) ... and you don’t need the hassle of debt collecting. You don’t need to explain why you can’t loan her the money either.

Enjoy your baby!