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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend issues

80 replies

Rosalie49 · 14/04/2020 23:33

I’ve got this friend who I’ve been friend with now for about 7 years. We lost contact for about 4 years and we’ve very recently just got in contact again. We’ve been texting but not regularly and we haven’t met up or anything.

Anyway, she randomly text me tonight and asked if she could borrow £40 since she has a direct debit she needs to cover. She said her mum can help her but not until Friday and it will be too late by then. I’ve lent her money many years ago and whilst she did pay me back, it took a while for me to get it and I had to ask for it a couple of times too.

I am in a position where I can afford to lend her £40 but I can’t help but feel it’s a bit rude of her to ask. For one, I’ve just had a baby (5 weeks ago) and to be honest, that’s the only reason we made contact with each other again as she text me to congratulate me and we started talking from that and two, we haven’t spoke in years.

But at the same time I can’t help but think, is that not what friends are for? To help you when you need help?

I don’t know what to do.

Also, I want to add that personally, I would never ask a friend for money. I’d ask family. She had a very large family (4 siblings) and I can’t help but wonder why none of those are willing to help? They are all very close with each other too.

What do you all think?

OP posts:
MsFrosty · 15/04/2020 06:56

Can you afford to not have the £40 back and how annoyed will you be if she doesn't pay it back?

DrManhattan · 15/04/2020 06:57

Just tell her you don't have the spare cash. I think shes a pi$$ taker to be fair and shes exploiting your good nature.

I wouldn't really class her as a friend. She seems a bit selfish

AlwaysCheddar · 15/04/2020 07:23

Nope

Shoxfordian · 15/04/2020 07:27

Say no unless you don't mind chasing her for repayment again

IHaveAnOutie · 15/04/2020 07:31

If you do it this time, she'll ask you next time she's short too. Best to say no now.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/04/2020 07:38

I wouldn’t. You can say money is tight. Mat leave etc.

KatherineJaneway · 15/04/2020 07:40

I wouldn't. It's likely the reason she reconnected with you.

ALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 15/04/2020 07:40

Absolutely not. YANBU she's a CF. Never a lender or a borrower be as my old Aunty always says.

goodthanks · 15/04/2020 07:42

"Sorry, I would help but we're having to tighten our belts what with the new baby. Hope you get on ok"

hardboiledeggs · 15/04/2020 07:44

I would just tell her you dont have any spare cash at the moment. I wouldn't lend her anything.

user1498572889 · 15/04/2020 07:44

No way

captainpantbeard · 15/04/2020 07:45

Just say ‘sorry I can’t’. No need to explain. If she doesn’t accept that she’s not a very good friend.

seven201 · 15/04/2020 07:47

Nope!

TheMandalorian · 15/04/2020 07:50

No. I doubt you will see her or the money again.

Sally872 · 15/04/2020 07:51

If it is not a significant amount of money to you I a would lend it.
Either you help a genuine friend, or you find out she is a user before you waste anymore time on her. Worth the money to me (so long as very affordable to your family)

AJTracey · 15/04/2020 07:52

No!!!!

PeepeeDarling · 15/04/2020 07:53

If you really can afford to lend it then I would personally. It’s difficult and hard times for people atm and she’s obviously desperate to be asking you someone she’s not particularly close to therefore I would lend it.
Congratulations on your new arrival op 💐

Original poster
Rosalie49 · 15/04/2020 07:54

Thanks everyone. I was expecting the opposite responses for some reason and for people to tell me I’m a terrible friend. I definitely won’t be lending her the £40. It’s very strange that she has asked me of all people.

@LockdownMayhem she’s never worked, always been on benefits - she met the wrong guy about 4 years ago (when we lost contact actually) and had a baby with him and her life went down hill back then. She was actually homeless at one point (before the baby) and I took her in, I remember she told me at the time she was in loads of debt and living in her car! Couldn’t believe it. Then not long after that she fell pregnant and kinda got her life back on track.

@MsFrosty I can afford not to have it back but it would very seriously annoy me if she didn’t repay.

I’m a single mum also and as you all say ... I’m on mat leave. She shouldn’t be asking. I’ll just say things are tight, if she’s a friend she’ll understand I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rosalie49 · 15/04/2020 07:56

Also, thank you everyone for congratulating me on my new babySmile

OP posts:
Dipi79 · 15/04/2020 07:56

Nah, I really wouldn't. I loan money to one friend only, who pays me back on time, without me needing to ask.
I wonder whether you'll hear me her again if you say no? She sounds a tad opportunist.
I would never ask a friend with a small baby whether I could borrow money. It just feels wrong.

lmcneil003 · 15/04/2020 07:56

Only lend money if you're ok to never see it again.
If that will make you resentful, don't lend it.
Can't she go to Wonga?

joystir59 · 15/04/2020 07:58

If £40 is no big deal to you just give it to her and forget about it. I don't agree with lending people money.

Bienentrinkwasser · 15/04/2020 07:59

Oh god, I’d rather ring the company and explain I was unable to make the DD on that date and arrange a payment plan than ask an acquaintance for money! She’s a CF for asking and tbh I’d be questioning the friendship.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 15/04/2020 08:01

"Hi old friend, things are really tight for us with a new baby so not something I am able to do. I'm sure you understand."

LellyMcKelly · 15/04/2020 08:13

‘Ahh, sorry. Things are really tight here too’ and leave it at that.

She’s asking you because she’s already borrowed from everyone else.