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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it unusual that my son still lives with me

83 replies

Takemebackto · 14/04/2020 21:04

He’s 24 25 in July and still lives at home with me. He has mental health problems. My friends keep asking me if he has plans to move out and other family keep asking. Is it that unusual that he’s living with me? Many of his friends still live at home.

OP posts:
fridgepants · 14/04/2020 21:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

opticaldelusion · 14/04/2020 21:06

Of course it isn't. FFS.

CherryPavlova · 14/04/2020 21:14

Our son is 25. He’s bought his own flat but had help to buy. Many, if not most, of his school friends still live at home.

Butchyrestingface · 14/04/2020 21:15

No, I don't know if it's the norm but it's certainly not unusual at that age. Given the current situation, and especially given his mental health issues, home is probably the best place for him. Smile

Bagelsandbrie · 14/04/2020 21:16

If you’re both happy and it works for you it’s no one else’s business.

spanieleyes · 14/04/2020 21:16

Both my sons still live at home, one is 27 and one is 25. Can't bloody get rid of them!

UnitedRoad · 14/04/2020 21:16

Not at all. I have a 21 year old at home with no plans to move out. I can imagine her still here for a long time. 18 year old has moved out, but wants to come with us when we relocate.

I have friends with children older than your son still at home. It might depend a bit on where you live in the uk. My youngest daughter pays £600 a month for a bedroom in a shared flat in the south east, but a friends daughter is the same age and she and her boyfriend bought a three bedroom house with a big garden and garage for £67,000 in Scunthorpe. I bet her mortgage is less than my daughters one room rent.

Do you charge your son rent? We take £200 a month from our 21 year old, and save it for her. She can have it towards a flat deposit when she’s ready.

KitKatKit · 14/04/2020 21:17

20 years ago it might have been odd. It's not now. If you're both happy, what's wrong with it?

1Morewineplease · 14/04/2020 21:18

Absolutely normal... my daughter is 25 , works part time and studying for a Masters’
No way can she afford to even rent a property near us or her uni or her workplace or anywhere in between.

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 14/04/2020 21:18

Not at all unusual especially if you live in a city. Less usual if you live somewhere very remote, but even then really no one else's business.

FredaFox · 14/04/2020 21:20

25 is still young, not many can afford to move out before 30 ( saving for deposits etc)

anothernotherone · 14/04/2020 21:24

It depends where you live I think...

As he has mental health issues it doesn't matter whether it's (statistically? Nationally? Internationally?) normal, it matters whether you can cope and whether it's the right environment for his mental health, and of course whether it would even be possible for him to move out (could he live independently? Would sheltered accomodation be appropriate and does suitable help exist?)

I work in sheltered accomodation and it's generally regarded as a good thing for people your son's age to look at becoming a bit more independent and living away from the parental home. Increasing independence is usually a very positive step for mental health (we have residents with a range of mental health issues and cognitive disabilities).

It's up to your son and you really. Some parent - adult child relationships improve once they move onto an age and stage appropriate footing and for some that requires moving out, but obviously others have great relationships and appropriate independence living in the parental home.

Some people have no choice, and in that case it doesn't matter what is normal, obviously.

OhTheRoses · 14/04/2020 21:26

No. DS has moved out a couple of times since uni but boomerangs back. He's with us for lockdown. He's 25. He has a flatshare with mates but said tonight "we're so lucky mum to have our fam and home at a time like this." DD is home from uni at present.

Our home will always be their home. They will always be our children, even when they are 50 something. My mum could always have gone home to ger mum and so could I.

panicstationsready · 14/04/2020 21:28

No, our son - 24 - has no hope of moving out as even renting is impossible on minimum wage - we're in the SW.

Ughmaybenot · 14/04/2020 21:31

Seems like it’s fairly normal for a lot of people.
I personally moved out at 19, 7 years ago, but my two sisters still live at home and they’re 28 and 23. I think the younger one will move out in the next year or so but the older has no real plans to move out yet I don’t think.

DuchessAnnogovia · 14/04/2020 21:32

Not at all. My DS (21) moved out when he was 19, came back home after 6 months! My DD (31) left home at 19 too. My home will always be their home wherever in the world I am, no matter how old they are.

scaryteacher · 14/04/2020 21:33

Ds will move out when he finds a job. has been with us since he got his MA, both abroad and now in UK. He's 24.

StillMedusa · 14/04/2020 21:35

I have DD2, 26 (this week) a 22 year old, and my 27 year old moved out in February.. now living with his fiancee's family in Australia . Oh and 26 yr old's fiance lives with us too Grin

They are saving for a place.. DD2 used to rent but have home to save, as there is no hope of affording a place here in Oxforshire where both work.

Round here more 20 somethings are still at home than elsewhere due to the ridiculous rent costs!

22 year old has autism and unlikely to ever live independently.

WhenDoesTheWashingEnd · 14/04/2020 21:35

On the other side of the spectrum, I lived at home until I was 29 when I got married.

My mum lived alone and I was working full time with a pretty active social life so it was mostly just a place to sleep.

It's not really for anyone to comment on your situation. If it works for you don't worry about it. 😁

BackforGood · 14/04/2020 21:36

Pretty normal these days.
Not just those who need support.
It is pretty common that youngsters who have graduated aren't able to get the kind of jobs that pay enough to even begin to think about saving enough to move out.
It's just the way of things in 2020.

nzborn · 14/04/2020 21:37

No

MadameMeursault · 14/04/2020 21:42

I never want DS to leave! He’s 17 and I’m dreading the day when he moves out. I think these days when it’s so expensive to buy property it’s pretty normal to live with parents until at least well into your twenties. Anyway it’s your business OP. If you get on well and the living arrangement works for everyone, then let him stay as long as he wants.

nagynolonger · 14/04/2020 21:45

We have our 24 and 23 year olds back with us. They have both lived away as students.

Itwasntme1 · 14/04/2020 21:51

26% of 20-35 year olds live with their parents.

Your son is at the younger end of this group, so not unusual at all.

And if you are both happy with the arrangement, who care what other people think.

ItsACounty · 14/04/2020 21:52

Nope, it is absolutely not unusual.
Our eldest DS (31) has recently moved in with his GF. Living at home allowed him to save a sizeable deposit for his own house.
Youngest DS (25) is also living at home and saving for a deposit for his own place.
Our DS’s are welcome to live with us as long as they choose, it’s up to them and their needs.
Tell friends and neighbours to mind their own business.

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