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Original poster

Is it unusual that my son still lives with me

83 replies

Takemebackto · 14/04/2020 21:04

He’s 24 25 in July and still lives at home with me. He has mental health problems. My friends keep asking me if he has plans to move out and other family keep asking. Is it that unusual that he’s living with me? Many of his friends still live at home.

OP posts:
Timetospare · 14/04/2020 22:21

@Whatifitallgoesallright and you are basing this insight on what exactly?
All 4 adult dc ( plus a GF) living here at present, and my dh and I cook, clean, do laundry, budget, wipe their bums and run their baths, read them bed time stories, because of course, they have never developed any life skills 🤔

Crownofthorns · 14/04/2020 22:22

Not odd at all, as long as you are both happy with the arrangement. To be honest I don’t know how young people in their teens and twenties can afford to live independently these days with the cost of rents/mortgages (I sound like an old crone!). I moved out at 18 when I went to uni but did move home for a year between 25-26.

RaininSummer · 14/04/2020 22:24

Not that unusual especially if they didn't leave for uni.

Antonin · 14/04/2020 22:25

My DSS Left home about a year ago at the age of 28 after he saved enough to buy a flat. Everyone was happy with the arrangement and it helped him out financially.
I think OP your friends are living in the past if they expect all young adults to leave home as they once tended to. But maybe they realise he has MH issues and are enquiring in a roundabout way if his condition is improving or if he is likely to remain at home for the foreseeable future?
Just tell them it suits all concerned, that other accommodation is unaffordable given the financial state of the country, and nowadays it’s not at all unusual etc

ProudMarys · 14/04/2020 22:27

Tell them to mind there own business Hmm

ProudMarys · 14/04/2020 22:28

*Their

YgritteSnow · 14/04/2020 22:40

Yes living at home often means development of life skills doesn't happen and other family members do all the enabling whilst denying there is any problem.

This may happen in a family you know but how can you possibly assert that it "often" happens?

snowybean · 14/04/2020 22:41

I turn 32 in September and two weeks later I'll be moving back in with my parents (with boyfriend and 9mo baby in tow, haha!).

I moved out when I was 24. Seemed fine to be at home then

maddy68 · 14/04/2020 22:42

My son is 27. Lives with me as to most of his mates live with their parents.

Busymum45 · 14/04/2020 22:43

Not unusual at all x

bananaskinsnomnom · 14/04/2020 22:49

I didn’t move out until 25.
My family did something similar to a parent above - took some rent money from me each month but put it into savings (I didn’t actually know this at the time so it was a real blessing when it was gifted back to me - helped me buy all my furniture!)
A bit half and half with my friends - half still lived with parents, half had moved in with boyfriends/ were getting married. Only one who had moved out by 20 (didn’t go to uni) was the friend who’s parents bought her a flat outright!

ToothlessAndHiccup · 14/04/2020 22:55

I don't think it's healthy to be living with parents beyond mid 20s but I understand why people do in many instances.

I hope to be able to support my children with shared rental costs when their time comes. I do think it teaches you life skills in the way that living at home doesn't.

I wouldn't expect them to move straight out into their own flat, surely a period of living with friends or strangers in a grotty place is character building?!

Timetospare · 14/04/2020 22:56

OP in my circle, not at all unusual, especially if you live in an expensive part of the UK and your relationship is a grown up one, with everyone taking an equal share of domestic tasks, even if they can’t take an equal financial share.

WeArnottamused · 14/04/2020 22:59

At some point in the not to distant future, ie when the world gets back to normal & DS & his ex girlfriend sell the flat, he will be coming home - unless we win the lottery, then I’d buy him a place of his own.

He went to uni at 19, hasn’t lived at home (apart for a couple of months) really since. However he can’t afford to take on the mortgage by himself.

It seems to be the way it is these days

Linning · 14/04/2020 23:17

I am a similar age to your son and couldn't personally imagine being at home, but it's not unusual especially nowadays, one of my siblings is 23 and doesn't seem like he'll ever move out tbh, it boggles my mind personally but yes, plenty of mid-20 yo still live at home.

I do think it's nice to encourage independence long-term though (eventually, I know your son has mental health issues so this should come first obviously), most of my friends have flown the nest though (babies, partners, jobs), my brother's friends seem to be at home mostly too so maybe there is some gender-related element to it.
(to be fair my brother gets his meals, laundry and everything done so can see not wanting to leave the nest.)

sayanara · 14/04/2020 23:20

If you are both happy with the situation then it's fine. It's perfectly normal in most countries to have family members of different generations living together. I'm glad you have each other.

Interestedwoman · 14/04/2020 23:25

I would've seen it as lame to live at home but that was a different generation (I'm 43 .) Lots of them live at home well into their 30s while they save for a deposit. They also don't get housing benefit much and stuff.

It sounds like your friends aren't understanding of mental health problems and the effect they can have. How is your son doing with his mental health? Is he receiving treatment and compliant with it?

BackforGood · 14/04/2020 23:36

@ToothlessAndHiccup - I don't disagree about the time living in some grotty houseshare giving you skills and probably is a good thing to do at some point as a young adult, but many young adults have done that as students, and then have had to move back in with parents on graduation.

SoupDragon · 14/04/2020 23:40

I hope to be able to support my children with shared rental costs when their time comes.

What about those whose parents can't give them the rent money?

Mammyloveswine · 14/04/2020 23:40

I was 25 when I moved out... I went to uni at 21 and graduated at 24 then moved out at 25!

I'm 32 now, married, own my own home and have 2 children...

recklessruby · 14/04/2020 23:42

Not unusual here in the south east. It s really expensive to rent round here. My daughter is 26 and hasn't moved out yet and works full time. She s saving for it next year.
My son is 32, he has moved out twice but been back since 2017. He s has had depression and feels happier here just now.
Sadly if they do move out lots of young people here have to move away as they cant afford the prices (we are near London).

anothernotherone · 14/04/2020 23:47

SoupDragon what about those who's parents don't live commuting distance from anywhere new graduates have a fighting chance of finding a job. My parents have a massive house but hours from anywhere there's any kind of graduate job market.

What about those who's parents live in one bedroom flats or are overcrowded?

There are so many what abouts. Handing over rent money seems paternalistic and infantalising to me, but then what do I know, my eldest is still a school age teen. It's no more privileged than an ensuite in the hotel of mum and dad, 40 minutes by train from Waterloo...

vodkaredbullgirl · 14/04/2020 23:54

My 22 yr old went to Uni then came back.

MamaGee09 · 15/04/2020 00:07

I moved out at 23 and dh was 26 when he moved out his parents house.

Pretty normal for the majority of my friends.

I’m not sure how my children will be able to leave home and afford to buy a house with the prices they are just now! It’s ridiculous.

AnnaC2020 · 15/04/2020 00:35

My boyfriend is 24, 25 in July and we’ve literally bought our first house 3 weeks ago