Is this bath time situation acceptability?

[5footmama]

You live in a bungalow.
The bathroom is off the main hall.
Opposite the living room.

You have a just turned 6 year old and a 2yr5month old in the bath, playing and washing.

You are in the living room.

Both doors are open.

AIBU to think this is not acceptable?

I wouldn't and I normally think people are too precious.

Did your DH do this op?

What on earth is unreasonable about it? I'd have thought it was quite normal when it comes to such young children. Who is objecting?

Does she have form for being neglectful or making bad decisions? If this is the latest in a long list of things then I’d say YANBU.
If it’s the only thing she does that you are concerned about then I think YABU.
Is it your DC or your siblings that are left?
If your DC set the boundary that you are unhappy with this and state they require full supervision at all times while in the bath or there will be no baths at her house.
If it’s your siblings then I think the above approach applies. If you know she is generally neglectful and careless then tackle her on this.
If you have no other concerns I’d say it’s a difference in opinion.
Would I leave my 5yr old DD and 2yr old DS in the bath together? Maybe to run downstairs and turn the oven off or similar but not as a regular occurrence for any length of time time, no.

think that's fine, assuming the water isn't ridiculously deep. I leave my 2.5 year old in the bath while I walk around the upstairs. The bath isn't really deep enough that even if he fell, he'd go under. He'd have to knock himself unconscious for that to be the case. I think that's highly unlikely.

And they fall forward? They turn round and lay face down?

Not a chance would I leave a two year old in or near water unsupervised, i.e. in full sight and easy reach of an adult. The presence of the six year old wouldn't keep the younger one any safer. They would just be traumatised and blame themselves for their sibling's death for the rest of their life.

When a 2YO is in the bath. you stay in the room and don't take your eyes off them for more than a couple of seconds.

Checking every couple of minutes is not good enough. If the child goes under, they could be dead in that two minutes. When you check, you just find out that they didn't drown in the last two minutes you weren't there.

Being in earshot doesn't help. Drowning is silent. Nobody can be in another room and monitor the child by listening. The noise, chatter, giggling, children make has natural breaks. You could not possibly know whether they were concentrating or drowning. By the time you notice it's been too long, your child could be dead.

There are people who leave small children in the bath while they 'potter round' or leave a 6YO in charge and those children have survived. That is pure luck in the same way as I was lucky to live through being in the car without a seatbelt as a child.

OP. You need to stop this happening now. It absolultely is not safe and you need to intervene, whether its your DM, MIL, DH or the bloody queen doing it.

I started ‘leaving alone’ at about 3. As in I’d go and get a towel or pjs but they had to talk to me the whole time so I could hear them. I mean... it wasn’t hard as they never bloody shut up but that’s not the point. It was a few moments only.

"I would leave my 2.5 year old for max 15-20 secs whilst grabbing a towel from his bedroom, whilst also talking with him."

Why not get a towel before he gets in the bath? It's not a surprise that he will need one is it? I never understand when parents whose children have drowned say "I only went to get a towel". FFS, get the towel first then put them in the bath and stay with them.

I have left my dcs alone at that age (2.5yo) bevause i knew they were very confortable with water. Pleny of time in a swimming pool that has taught me they could indeed get up. I didnt until I wasnt fully confident they could do that.

Fwiw, I dont think there is any cut off age for that, no more that there is a cut off age for children walking. Some are ready earlier than others.Some later. I wouldnt want to leave a 3 or a 4yo that panicks at having their face wet just because they are considered old enough. The reverse is true. Iam and was happy to leave a 2.5yo that is confident.

I think 2.5 year old is too young frankly. I wouldn't leave them with my mother again if she was that irresonsible.

Years ago when mine were little enough for me to need to supervise bathtimes the rule was that if I for any reason I had to leave the room (I used to try not to but sometimes I had to), they had to sing, and keep singing til I came back. My reasoning was I was never out of earshot, and if they were singing they were ok. Unfortunately the only songs they knew off by heart at 2 and 5 were Happy Birthday and Jingle Bells . When the eldest was sometimes in the bath on his own, and I was with younger child in another room, we'd carry on a conversation for the same reason. It worked for us - must ask if they remember it.

Pleny of time in a swimming pool that has taught me they could indeed get up.
I don't think you can compare the dangers of a swimming pool with the one of a bath! The last thing you'd want is a toddler trying to get up in the bath...

No, especially given the age of the younger child. It’s too easy for accidents to happen, especially in a slippery bath. It’s possible to drown in a few inches of water.

If it was just the 6 year old I think it'd be ok, regularly checking on them or talking to them, but not a toddler.

No definitely not a any child under 5

I once taught a boy who was having a bath with his sister, similar ages to the OP. His mum was in the bedroom next door getting pjs ready etc. He'd snuck a lighter in the bathroom and lit a candle mum had on the side. Although mum swore she was only a minute, it was long enough for the candle to be knocked over and set fire to the towels on the floor.
Don't take the risk.

TBF that's nothing to do with being in the bath. That's about having candles and lighters within reach of small children, which is something I would never do. At 2 I would leave a child sitting in the bath to potter around upstairs but would be talking to them and listening to them play all the time. My children were all pretty sensible though and well trained not to stand up in the bath (they are all well beyond that age now). There are children I know that I absolutely wouldn't have left like that because I wouldn't trust them to keep sitting. There has to be an element of judgement about individual children rather than blanket rules about ages. I'm agog at not leaving a 6-year-old alone though. Surely by that age, they are no more likely to hurt themselves in the bath than an older child. You do have to leave them at some point. They won't thank you for supervising them when they hit puberty.

How deep is the water? Less than an inch or so, probably fine. Any more than that, I'd be putting my head round the door every 30 seconds or so.

It's perfectly possible to drown in an inch of water, drowning is silent and quick.

Of course it's not acceptable. Why would you leave a 6 year old in charge of a younger child?

I'm so sorry, when I read the opening post for some reason I didn't absorb this bit: You are in the living room.

Definitely not acceptable, dangerous for the tiny one.

I wouldn't do if, children (well mine are least) used to go crazy in the bath. Too easy to slip and fall and taps, head and teeth are incompatible! I'd have to be there to keep them reasonable.

Sitting just outside the room is fine with a 6yo, especially if they have developed a sense of modesty and want privacy. The 2 year old requires a parent in the room at all times.

I'm always a bit bemused by these threads. Broadly speaking, I' say 2.5 is probably a bit young. But it would depend to a certain extent on the 2/5 year old and the responsibility levels of the 6 year old.

But then there are people on here who wouldn't let a child who was 6 in the bath alone. And I know a woman who won't allow her 9 year old in the bath alone (although she concedes that's her own issue and that she needs to get over it). DS is 9 and has been bathing and showering alone for years now. I think he started showering alone, including turning on taps etc, at least 18 months ago, and before that just needed my help to get the temperature right.

Literally to grab a towel maybe. Anything else, no. And your house sounds an identical layout to mine weirdly, if it is yours!

magicfarawaytrees why not take a towel into the bathroom at the same time as the child? Why are all these people having to leave a child alone while they "grab a towel"?

I once taught a boy who was having a bath with his sister, similar ages to the OP. His mum was in the bedroom next door getting pjs ready etc. He'd snuck a lighter in the bathroom and lit a candle mum had on the side. Although mum swore she was only a minute, it was long enough for the candle to be knocked over and set fire to the towels on the floor

Aren't these the kind of horrible accidents that can happen at any point, in any place? Do we never take our eyes off our kids for a second?

What about leaving a 6 year old and 2.5 year old in the living room watching tv while you go make them some squash in the kitchen? What if the toddler gets up and trips and hits his head on the coffee table? What if the older child has a seizure on the sofa and falls off?

I'm just saying, horrible accidents can happen any time. Of course we try to minimize the chance, but there's always a balance between the chance of something actually happening, and how much freedom/independence we give ourselves and our children.