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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Not sure u lot are clever enuff to answer this...

192 replies

AlphaMummyVoiceOfReason · 13/09/2007 15:00

My white, Crocs and Boden wearing, home educated daughter (who was delivered by elective CS so as to avoid pushing and include tummy tuck) was brought up on Formula milk laced with fruit shoots and Greggs' sausage rolls, after starting on puree at 14 weeks, which did her no harm. She certainly filled her disposable nappies!

She is so Gifted and Talented that my highly presentable size 8 nanny has to park her 4x4 in the disabled bay, and when she walks my dog next to the children's play area of the local and inferior state school (I'm no racist but it is full of immigrants), she is so busy listening to dd's insightful and well-informed explanation of exactly what happened to Madeleine McCann that she has no time to scoop the poop, thus necessitating the use of organic hemp dog nappies.

We feel that a light smack with the Daily Mail is the best (and kindest) way to limit the questions, or , if she has a modelling assignment coming up, it's easier to send her straight to bed - of course she cries, but will settle herself after a few hours. She can always watch the TV in her bedroom or play computer games if she can't sleep.

My question is: As the nanny at our country house is about to be deported back to Ruritania, should I send DD to boarding school now, or wait until she is seven? And should I allow her to walk there by herself?

Any advice - from longterm MN regulars only - welcomed. No arguments on my thread, you can leave if you don't like it. My views may be controversial but I'm still right.

OP posts:
RosaLuxembourg · 13/09/2007 23:19

But darling Alphamummy can't shag the manny - who would look after Chlamydia? Anyway she's already sleeping with her tennis coach, her pool boy and her personal trainer. And her manicurist. (She says everyone does girl on girl now and it helps to pass the time while her nails dry.)
Slag.

Hurlyburly · 13/09/2007 23:28

Sorry took some time. Jean-Claude is just so very virile.

RosaLuxembourg · 13/09/2007 23:30

How slagtastic nice for you

AlphaMummyVoiceOfReason · 13/09/2007 23:36

Well, you know, I think this thread has covered it all. Bar one thing.

You are all witches and I'M FLOUNCING!

_

OP posts:
StarryStarryNight · 13/09/2007 23:37

***

Registereing the distaste on behalf of The Grass who is denied fertilization by dog poo.

***

Further pointing out that standard education will not fit your dahrling. Only being educated by a real princess will do:

School run by Princess Martha of Norway - learn to communicate with ANGELS

Sounds suitable.

hunkermunker · 13/09/2007 23:38

Don't let the door bang you on the arse on the way out.

hurry back

ghosty · 13/09/2007 23:40

ROFL ...

littlelapin · 14/09/2007 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lucyellensmum · 14/09/2007 08:46

this campaign for the alpha mummy must be continued. I am not an alpha mummy im afraid, not even a kappa or omega but i am full of admiration for women who can maintain their ladies wot lunch lifestyle whilst keeping half an eye of the nanny to make sure the bugaboo is appropriately presented. Oh hang on, its phil and teds now isnt it - see, my mummy status is falling, i dont even have the obligatory second baby to put in the luggage shelf!

StarryStarryNight · 14/09/2007 10:06

Lucyellens mum, fret not, there are SECRET meetings for mums like us. Omegamums Anonymous. All you require for membership is a battered old buggy. If you have a receipt that shows it cost less than £150 new, even better.

wulfricsmummy · 14/09/2007 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lucyellensmum · 14/09/2007 13:15

that's be me then SSN - i did have a bugaboo once, i think (i think i tried to be an alpha mummy but couldn't keep up the pretence) but now i push dd around in a khaki green Maclaren (it could be worse, it could be pink) which definately cost less than £150. My clothes have holes, i still wear my nursing bras and some maternity tops and dd is 2 now. Make up? Whats that? The only thing yummy about this mummy is when she sees a cream cake, ooooh yummy . Oh and today, i was walking back from playgroup with dd in said buggy, she was eating a MR Blobby, shortbread covered in sickly pink icing. I do have a pair of crocs though, so that does allow me to at least look other people in the eye.

stillsleeping · 14/09/2007 13:27

pmsl

Hulababy · 14/09/2007 13:28

Oh darling AlphaMummyVoiceOfReason, did you manage to get a butler in place? How were the interviews? We have 3 or 4 coming round this evening for prelimanary going overs - any suggestions dear?

AlphaMummyVoiceOfReason · 14/09/2007 22:19

Look, I'm not coming back to this cubile viperidae, but nanny taught me perfect manners and so I shall respond to your feeble jibes and then I am deregistering.

I was not interviewing for a butler - clearly basic comprehension of the English language is beyond some of you - I am about to lose the services of the junior nanny, that is all. My household staff is intact. Quite frankly, the idea that I would personally interview a domestic is laughable in any case. My secretary Tiggy handles those sorts of matters.

OP posts:
wulfricsmummy · 14/09/2007 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

RosaLuxembourg · 14/09/2007 22:58

The butler types her posts for her because she worries about chipping her nailpolish. Also she can't read and write properly, although she does like looking at pictures. It's like Jeeves and Wooster, he's the one with the intelligence.

Lil · 14/09/2007 23:02

A nanny..there so yesterday - we're on our second manny darlin', he provides some much needed testosterone about the place as hubby is hedging his funds until late every night

Tortington · 14/09/2007 23:06

send her to boarding school - kids are so ever rated

Hurlyburly · 15/09/2007 18:16

Tell me Lil, just how virile is your manny? Ours has a lot of stamina ...

AlphaMummyVoiceOfReason · 14/11/2007 17:44

An update on us, to enliven your dull little lives... Gulliver managed to pull some strings with the Home Office (well, that's hardly difficult) and Ludmila's deportation order has apparently been shredded "by accident" so our domestic drama is no more. I've decided to send C-J to boarding school anyway next term because frankly this parenting business is eroding my valuable socialising time.

Must dash, the Humvee chap has just brought round a new model for me to test drive.

OP posts:
4ever21 · 16/07/2009 10:27

i just read this thread and can't help but laugh. i honestly think alphamummy's thread was actually made up just to get our reactions. i suspect it's someone on MN who just changed her name just to wind people up. the story seems outrageous and unrealistic, even if a mother really thought parenting erodes their social time, i dont think they'll admit it and boast about it the way she has.

well, just my thoughts, but who knows.....

qwertpoiuy · 16/07/2009 10:32

How on earth did you find this 2-year-old thread and bump it up??

cyteen · 16/07/2009 10:32

ZOMBIE THREAD

whoisasking · 16/07/2009 10:33

As funny as the original thread is, the bumping post has me crying with laughter.