Not sure u lot are clever enuff to answer this...

[AlphaMummyVoiceOfReason]

My white, Crocs and Boden wearing, home educated daughter (who was delivered by elective CS so as to avoid pushing and include tummy tuck) was brought up on Formula milk laced with fruit shoots and Greggs' sausage rolls, after starting on puree at 14 weeks, which did her no harm. She certainly filled her disposable nappies!

She is so Gifted and Talented that my highly presentable size 8 nanny has to park her 4x4 in the disabled bay, and when she walks my dog next to the children's play area of the local and inferior state school (I'm no racist but it is full of immigrants), she is so busy listening to dd's insightful and well-informed explanation of exactly what happened to Madeleine McCann that she has no time to scoop the poop, thus necessitating the use of organic hemp dog nappies.

We feel that a light smack with the Daily Mail is the best (and kindest) way to limit the questions, or , if she has a modelling assignment coming up, it's easier to send her straight to bed - of course she cries, but will settle herself after a few hours. She can always watch the TV in her bedroom or play computer games if she can't sleep.

My question is: As the nanny at our country house is about to be deported back to Ruritania, should I send DD to boarding school now, or wait until she is seven? And should I allow her to walk there by herself?

Any advice - from longterm MN regulars only - welcomed. No arguments on my thread, you can leave if you don't like it. My views may be controversial but I'm still right.

OrmIrion - I detest beans of the baked variety!
Cheese pasty sounds good too ;)

Well, what a bunch of self-centred cliquey oiks you all turned out to be. In which life would I be interested in your views on foodstuffs? If you don't have a relevant point to make, I suggest you return to the Style threads, or whining about your husbands or whatever it is you usually do.

For your information, C-J (Chlamydia Jacinta) will be joining her brothers Ptolemy and Irrumator at my husband Gulliver's alma mater where she will learn to assume her appropriate station in life. Thanks to our donation of a new science wing, they have agreed to accept C-J next term when she will be 4. So you can keep your proletariat opinions to yourself!

I have to go, I am meeting my lover due in court.

LOL

Yes she clearly is a heifer.
She may have a bad influence on C-J's eating habits - before you know it your precious darling will be clearing her plate and forgetting to throw up!

I think it's a GOOD thing for C-J to be exposed to the morbidly obese from an early age, a nanny can and should be more effective as a horrible warning than a good example.

effing Gulliver

that's the icing on the cake, that is

In court Alphamummy? How terribly trying for you [boom tish emoticon]

Sweetie, I do think it's refreshing of you to use the, er, estuary spelling of C-J.

My little Chelamidaewoo (an accent over the e, remember) will be delighted to know that in some small way, someone shares her beautiful name.

I do think you should give the canine scatotherapist a try though, your dog should really be reabsorbing his faeces into his bloodstream as this wanton elimination is blatantly a challenge to human authority. I know an excellent practitioner although she, too, has a BMI nearing double figures.

Vacua, have you her number?

I haven't a dog, but I would so love a canine scatologist.

Note to self: purchase something exclusive in the dog line.

Yes the days of having 512 labs sniffing one's crotch are gone, we just have 63 LaBrollieDoodleCocks and they are simply adorable.

You clearly have NO idea of the specialist care required for a rare breed. My darling little Xoloitzcuintli Cunty eats only the best organic veal, drinks imported Mexican mineral water and has regular sessions with a self-esteem coach. Quite frankly, Ludmila's inconvenient departure has weighed heaviest on poor Cunty - we've had to send her on a recuperative holiday.

a small bit of WEE came out

I'll be your dog

Darling, I'm sure you are already someone's...

Thank you but I want to be yours.

Sorry. Far too hairy.

I'm shagging Gulliver, you know.

On his travels?

Well at least it's a form of exercise, god knows your thighs could benefit from it. You are welcome to him anyway, I have darling Chad to take care of that side of things.

And don't get your hopes up - the money's is mine, not Gully's...

But why on earth did you marry Gulliver? No looks, no money? Were you (ahem) short of offers?

Oh no, not at all. He may be impoverished - barely a million or two to rub together, poor dear - but he does own the most darling estate in the nicest part of Gloucestershire. Marry for land, not love - that's my motto.

Well I have just read the OP and I have to say that I am totally disgusted. Have you thought for just one minute about what you are doing? Sending her away to boarding school at the age of four. She will be given disgusting carb-laden food, forced to play hockey and made to wear ridiculous gaberdine garments.
What do you think that will do to her moggelling career, eh? Send it right down the pan I should think. You should be ashamed of yourself.