DH pissing me off with lack of respect

[Drogonssmile]

I really don't know if I'm BU here or maybe I'm just fed up of DH and his totally opposing views to me. I spent all morning ironing, made a roast dinner (which mike said thank you for) and went upstairs to settle DS2 (3) afterwards because he said he wanted a rest. Came down to find DH and DS1 (6) nowhere to be seen.

DS1 has got a new bike so thought they might have gone for a short bike ride (although they already went this morning). I decided I'd finish the ironing but DS2 didn't want to rest and preferred to be a typical pain in the arse 3 year old.

Over an hour later I was getting fed up and tried phoning DH. He hasn't taken his phone. He finally came back about an hour and twenty minutes later really pleased with himself that he'd been on a really long bike ride.

He couldn't understand why I was pissed off that he had gone out without taking his phone (what if they'd had an accident
or I needed to get hold of him), letting me know where he had gone (just out of courtesy), stayed out for so long, or that he'd already been out today.

I might be being unreasonable but I just feel like he doesn't give a shit about how I feel. I do have anxiety and he does have form for pissing off out with no mention of where he is going or taking his phone.

When I was very very heavily pregnant he buggered off for two hours chatting to the neighbour but I had no idea where he was and he didn't have his phone and he thought this was acceptable.

AIBU or being a needy, anxiety ridden nag?

OP please communicate with him.

Alternatively.. tell HIM to communicate with you OP..

@ZombieFan

But did the DH check to see if OP had gone out without saying anything first? If not, why not? He could have left his 3 old alone by accident

I'd be pissed off to OP. I got mad at my husband as he said he was going up to clear the bed (his guitar had been left out) and he never reappeared. Turns out he'd gone to bed and I was sat like a Wally with the TV paused wondering why it was taking him so long. He thought I was overreacting, I may have been but that doesn't mean my annoyance should be dismissed and neither should yours.

I agree with you actually so I must be OTT and needy too!

But did the DH check to see if OP had gone out without saying anything first?
But we dont know that do we, in many houses (like mine) it would be obvious, you couldn't get outside without me seeing from the living room. You would also assume a child was in the care of the person who took them and the mother took one upstairs so her responsibility.

The DH was in charge of the son so if he had left the house without his son and without informing DW then he would have been neglectful. But of course he didn't.

But OP should be able to “assume” that her DH won’t just piss off without a word whenever her feels like it.
But she can’t assume that because he has apparently down this over and over again. This is why she is upset.

Meanwhile he gets to “assume” that OP wouldn’t just go and leave her children like that. Because she hasn’t and wouldn’t because it’s an irresponsible, selfish, thoughtless way to behave when you are supposed to be raising a family as a team.
This shouldn’t even be an issue.

“I’m taking DS out on bikes for a bit”

“Ok, cool, see you later” OR “I’d rather you take a turn dealing with 3 year old please so I can get out for a bit - you’ve already been out once while I’ve been running around doing everything else”

But no, he just buggered off.

Yanbu. It's basic courtesy to let your partner know you're going out. It's not asking permission (although it may be better to phrase it as "do you mind") but just common decency. My OH does this regularly. His communication skills are woeful at the moment and its really winds me up.

He definitely should have said something. It’s just what you do when you leave the house and live with someone.

Phoning to ask where you are because he can’t handle the kids....now that would annoy me.

But it also sounds like this is tapping into something else going on in your relationship. It’s not just this incident, but others too where you feel like he doesn’t consider you.

Assuming ds1 was with him, safe and entertained, you were overreacting.

YABU for saying ‘very very heavily pregnant’. I’d run if someone used that to me.

Your DH sounds irritating with his constant disappearing acts, but the whole relationship dynamic sounds off.

Assuming

you should never assume...