My child called me fat...

[Emcont]

She was on the trampoline, I was laying on the sun lounger watching her playing with her sister (6.5yo) and she just stopped, came over to enterence of the net and laughed and said 'you're fat mummy'

Now, she's not wrong. My height to weight puts me at morbidly obese. But I have no idea where she would have gotten that from? I don't call myself fat out loud because I'm very aware of putting my insecurities onto them etc.

She will be 5 in a few weeks. How do I deal with this? My DH spoke up before I could and explained why it isn't nice to call people fat etc. I won't bring it up again unless she does, but what do I say if she says it again?

I would just tell that it's not something we say to people because it can make them feel unhappy and we want to be kind.
I don't think she's 'got it' from anywhere though - she is stating a fact (based on what you have said), even if it's hurtful. Maybe this is a good time to lose a bit of the weight if you are morbidly obese.

My other half thinks size 12 is “fat” but I bet there’s plenty on here that wouldn’t agree

Size 12 isn't fat on most people (I am a size 12 at 5ft 6 and 10 stone) but I guess it could be on a very short person...however, in general I think your other half is wrong!

Saying overweight is the same as tall/short/blonde/brunette but not fat.
I’d put it the other way. Overweight is more judgmental than fat, because it explicitly means “over the normal weight”.

@Prokupatuscrakedatus I mean she's 4. I don't think she's gonna know the risk factors for Covid..

Size 12 isn't fat on most people (I am a size 12 at 5ft 6 and 10 stone)

This just shows how subjective “fat” can be. I’m 5’6 and After I gave birth I was a size 12 and around 10 stone. Was very fat for me. Anything above 9 stone for that height I think is fat!

OP sounds fairly objectively fat though. I would use this as a wake up call to lose the weight and a lesson to teach children not to say personal things/difference between hurtful adjectives etc

I just have a “don’t comment on how people look” rule with my children. Keep it simple.

This just shows how subjective “fat” can be. I’m 5’6 and After I gave birth I was a size 12 and around 10 stone. Was very fat for me. Anything above 9 stone for that height I think is fat!

Ouch! it's a healthy weight, healthy BMI and I am in good proportion. I'm okay about it ...Seeing as that hurt to read, I am going to sympathise with the op a bit more than I was already. It hurts when people call you fat!

OP does she watch peppa peg? Peppa often says daddy pig is fat.

I just have a “don’t comment on how people look” rule with my children.
I think that is unrealistic. They can’t say someone has blue eyes or brown hair?

As an aside, why do ladies clothes have number e.g 12 instead of being sold by measurements?

@ploughingthrough

I’m sorry! I don’t mean that you are fat - perhaps the weight sits better on you? Perhaps it was more to do with weight distribution? My point was only that you can’t tell from numbers and sizes and it is subjective (quite often, especially at lower sizes).

Fat as a word is an adjective. She may have heard it used to describe an animal or a shape. It’s not necessarily an insult, it can be factual. It hurts because you are sensitive about it. Children say what they see.

@daisypond - nope, they don’t need to comment on people’s hair or eyes either! I’m sure the other person is aware of what they look like. Commenting on someone’s hair might seem neutral or positive but if it is always commented on and marks you out as somehow “different” then it can be just as negative as being called fat.

How do they describe someone or themselves if they can’t use physical attributes? I’m genuinely interested.

Emcont
I do not know, of course, how shielded OP's child is, but children - even small ones - overhear conversations, have older siblings, may be exposed to radio or tv news etc.
The child I mentioned is in that same age group, so I wondered.

My son is 4 and told me I had a fat tummy the other day. I agreed I had a fat tummy but explained that some people get upset if you say their fat. Outcome is he thinks it’s ok to say I’m fat, but not other mummies

Oh Christ. The fat shamers have joined us.

Mine tell me regularly my tummy is squishy when they cuddle me, I’m a size 6 but it’s true so it makes me laugh! I just tell them that’s where they grew. Kids say what they see, they’re also sure to let me know if I have a spot or if my roots need doing, same as I would point out to them if their faces need washing or they need a haircut.

Have the conversation about hurting people’s feelings and not making personal remarks to anyone outside of the house as it’s worth having but please don’t be upset, she didn’t mean it personally. I think it’s more the value we put on the word, they won’t get it until they’re older.

@daisypond describing someone to someone else is a little different to commenting to someone on how they look

Anything above 9 stone is fat for 5 foot 6????
What a fucking stupid comment.

I distinctly remember asking why my adorable reception teacher was 'so fat' . I think I remember it because I must have realised a year or two later that it wasn't a nice thing to say.
We are not a family that says nasty things as par for the course

I have put a positive spin on my fatness - if I ever say I am fat I say it as a matter of fact with no negative connotations. But that said my children know it hurts other people’s feelings calling them fat so they know not to do it outside of the family. So I think your husband handled it perfectly and enough said. My daughter loves me being cuddly.

I’m 5’6 and After I gave birth I was a size 12 and around 10 stone. Was very fat for me. Anything above 9 stone for that height I think is fat!

Bollocks!

My 4year old niece asked a lady in the post office queue “have you got a baby in there” and received the laughing answer “no love I’m just old and fat” sister apologised but wanted to sink through floor...

She’s a child and stated a fact. If you are unhappy with your weight then you can change it. You could also have had a conversation around healthy eating etc after the comment at an age appropriate level.

People have vast differences on what they consider to be overweight or a larger size and many have lost perspective. It’s why schools now have to weigh children and advise parents accordingly etc. Likewise the size 12 discussion above.

This thread is going bad ways...next we'll have tiny women posting a pic asking us to guess their weight. Only slightly more boring than guessing a complete strangers age for a photo they felt compelled to post online.

Op, kids do this - they'll ask why we have a big tummy, yellow teeth, grey hair, wrinkles. They are curious and unfortunately, that extends into how we look.

My youngest son used to 'complement' me by saying 'You smell nice - like fish fingers' which I probably did because I had just cooked the kids tea.