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AIBU?

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Original poster

My child called me fat...

127 replies

Emcont · 12/04/2020 06:18

She was on the trampoline, I was laying on the sun lounger watching her playing with her sister (6.5yo) and she just stopped, came over to enterence of the net and laughed and said 'you're fat mummy'

Now, she's not wrong. My height to weight puts me at morbidly obese. But I have no idea where she would have gotten that from? I don't call myself fat out loud because I'm very aware of putting my insecurities onto them etc.

She will be 5 in a few weeks. How do I deal with this? My DH spoke up before I could and explained why it isn't nice to call people fat etc. I won't bring it up again unless she does, but what do I say if she says it again?

OP posts:
MrsBobDylan · 12/04/2020 09:44

The best response to a similar situation was when my 8 year autistic son pointed out a man had a big tummy while we were in a pharmacy queue. I was fit to die with shame until the man said: "It because of all the little children I eat". I was so grateful to him Blush

Thymelord · 12/04/2020 09:46

I’m 5’6 and After I gave birth I was a size 12 and around 10 stone. Was very fat for me. Anything above 9 stone for that height I think is fat

What a load of shit.

gavisconismyfriend · 12/04/2020 09:47

She’s just describing what she sees. If you tell her it isn’t nice, then she learns that fat is bad and may start, in time, to worry about her body image. When my Goddaughter was 5, she said “gaviscon is very fat”. Her mum was mortified and tried to shush her, but actually my GD was accurate so I just acknowledged it by saying “yes I am.” No judgement, no fuss, just the same response as if she’d said “gaviscon wears glasses.” The conversation moved on, she never said it again - her observation had been acknowledged and the response she got didn’t suggest it was a topic worth further interest. Stung like hell, internally I was mortified, but that was my problem not hers.

MsTSwift · 12/04/2020 09:50

5 6 and 10 stone is not fat it’s smack in the normal bmi range. The poster that wrote that I suspect has some sort of disordered thinking about weight

ploughingthrough · 12/04/2020 09:55

People have vast differences on what they consider to be overweight or a larger size and many have lost perspective. It’s why schools now have to weigh children and advise parents accordingly etc. Likewise the size 12 discussion above

Why is this 'like the size 12 discussion above'? I haven't lost perspective. I am not overweight according to any calculator you wish to plug my statistics into. I used to be a bit overweight - I noticed and I lost some. I don't think the op has lost any perspective either - she knows she's overweight.

Greenpop21 · 12/04/2020 10:05

@gavisconismyfriend much respect. Perfect response but sorry for your feelings.

MsTSwift · 12/04/2020 10:08

Exactly ploughing same. Unless there is something unusual about you perhaps very muscly or sporty bmi is broadly right. I knew I was abit overweight being told my bmi was 27 by a nurse so firmly in overweight category gave me the oomph I needed. Bmi is now 21 still just under 10 st at at 5 6. But objectively not fat.

chatterbugmegastar · 12/04/2020 10:09

Stung like hell, internally I was mortified, but that was my problem not hers.

Exactly. It's your issue, OP.

Greenpop21 · 12/04/2020 10:11

I’m 5ft 5 and 9st 10. I think my bmi is about 22/23. I wear a size 10/12. I’m definitely not fat. @crispysausagerolls I think perhaps you need to think very carefully about what prompted your comment and views on weight, especially as you have children.

PumpkinP · 12/04/2020 10:13

I also thought of peppa pig when I read this, As my kids picked it up from that. My dd calms me fat, I am and I’m on a diet and have lost almost 3 stone so hopefully she will stop soon!

Also my sister thinks size 12 is fat as well.

GameSetMatch · 12/04/2020 10:20

My kids say things like this all the time they are not being nasty just sort of saying things as they are, he wrote in his school book, ’Jack has a tiny mum I have a big fat mummy’ I’m not huge by any means but compared to jacks mum I am, I just laugh it off. My son said I had a big neck he didn’t mean fat he meant long, kids are just rubbish at language. Don’t get offended by children.

howmuchfood · 12/04/2020 10:22

At 5 she won't be aware of the negative load that the word fat carries, or the use of it as an insult. It's a descriptor for her, like funny or brown eyes or long hair

This ^ my ds (3yr8mo) says I have a fat tummy. I do. I just don't bother replying or making a big deal out of it.

jesseateathesaurus · 12/04/2020 10:23

My kid did this to me, it’s become a bit of a ‘thing’ now. We’ve explained why we shouldn’t refer to people as fat but at school it’s a big insult ( she’s 7) but she’s aware that I’m overweight and that is a ‘bad’ thing although as a family we have never discussed diets, weight issues or any thing like that in front of the kids.
In reception her ‘friend’ called her names when they argued and told her that her mum ( i.e. me) was fat.
The ‘friend’ has a mum who has huge issues around weight/food etc. Despite being slim.
Kids get this from their parents/families/siblings and I’ve seen that it’s generally accepted to make fun of, mock or otherwise comment on overweight people in society still.
I have no advice for you, other than I think you should talk to your kids about people coming in different shapes and sizes, try to be kind etc.
This isn’t going to go away for you.

MsTSwift · 12/04/2020 10:25

My 11 year old very into fashion and several of her friends mums who I am friends with dress very well and this is very much noted! I have had to up my game frankly !

Tunnocks34 · 12/04/2020 10:34

This just shows how subjective “fat” can be. I’m 5’6 and After I gave birth I was a size 12 and around 10 stone. Was very fat for me. Anything above 9 stone for that height I think is fat!

Strange really - I am the same height, but 9 stone 4lb and I am a size 6/8 so definitely not overweight. I find it interesting how weight can be carried and appear very different on people of the same height.

Tunnocks34 · 12/04/2020 10:35

I would agree with others OP, I have had to talk to my own son when he has asked simile about people.

‘It is rude to talk about how people look and it can make them Feel very upset’

frustratedashell · 12/04/2020 10:36

When my son was around 4 or 5 we saw a large lady. He piped up in a loud voice " hello, fat lady!"
I was mortified. I apologised and she said " Its alright dear, children are honest".
I was so embarrassed and did tell him why he shouldn't say stuff like that. Hes 31 now but it's still a vivid memory.

ShirleyCurls · 12/04/2020 10:36

You are fat.

Would you be posting if she said 'Mum you're a lady/your hair is brown/you have blue eyes'

It's a valid description.

You just have bad association with the word.

I'm fat too. My kids have told me so in their little years many times. Wibbly tummy. Squishy belly. Why do you have 2 chins 😂

It's not negative to her. It's just a fact.

ShirleyCurls · 12/04/2020 10:38

Bit I agree a discussion about being polite and not commenting on people's appearance is a good wya to go.

EmeraldShamrock · 12/04/2020 10:44

Tell her it is not nice to comment. They don't understand. My DS age 5 said to his Dad, he wished he had a buff belly like hulk. so do I DP is broad with good arms but has a big belly. DS told me I looked like a granny last week little fecker. Grin

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/04/2020 10:45

It’s hard to tell children not to comment on personal appearance when they encounter adults doing it to them all the time. It starts when they’re tiny “who’s a big baby” “who’s got adorable toes” and carries on to “look how you’ve grown, you’re so tall” etc.

Tunnocks34 · 12/04/2020 10:46

Literally 1 minute after writing my previous comment my 6 year old just told me ‘you’ve got wild hair like Hagrid and big grey Circles under your eyes’ YES DARLING ITS BECAUSE OF YOU

So maybe I need to have the politeness chat again

coconuttelegraph · 12/04/2020 10:53

Assuming your child has started school, you haven't said where you live, I'd day it's natural that she would know what being fat is.

SallyWD · 12/04/2020 10:55

She's just stating a fact. I remember once my DS drew a picture of me. I said it was lovely and he said "oh no I forgot to draw your moustache!". I said what "I don't have a moustache!" and he replied "Just a little one". Kids just say it how it is. I'd say to her some people don't like it when you say they're fat so it's best not to use that word. Don't make a big deal of it.

Ginseng1 · 12/04/2020 12:11

A 5yr old knows what fat is (siblings, school, TV (Peppa Pig?) are you sure you haven't said to your oh or friend at any point 'I need to lose bit of weight') She's just observing & it hit a nerve because you say it's true. It IS hurtful you just teach her you can't say things like this because at 5 she won't realise this. Kids ARE cruel tho even as they get older to their parents or siblings in heat of the moment- a thick skin required!