My child called me fat...

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She was on the trampoline, I was laying on the sun lounger watching her playing with her sister (6.5yo) and she just stopped, came over to enterence of the net and laughed and said 'you're fat mummy'

Now, she's not wrong. My height to weight puts me at morbidly obese. But I have no idea where she would have gotten that from? I don't call myself fat out loud because I'm very aware of putting my insecurities onto them etc.

She will be 5 in a few weeks. How do I deal with this? My DH spoke up before I could and explained why it isn't nice to call people fat etc. I won't bring it up again unless she does, but what do I say if she says it again?

She's just pointing out what she sees.
She's not learnt to say it. She knows what fat is just like she knows what red is. She could just as easily have said 'you're wearing a red jumper mummy.'

If it hurts use it to spur you on.
I've discovered only yesterday that my belly wobbles when I walk, that is a horrible feeling and I'll do something about it.

What did you say? I have always told my children that it's not nice to comment on how people look. But it's different amongst ourselves.
I would've said 'yes I am, make sure you keep eating and sleeping well. Keep bouncing on that trampoline. It's not nice being fat and you don't ever have to be fat like me.' Or something like that.
My kids often point out things, they don't even necessarily see them as negative. It usually makes me laugh. (Mummy your legs are wobbly/ your face is bumpy etc).

The reason she called you fat is because you are fat. She's reached an age where she's noticing that people are different. It almost certainly wasn't a name-calling exercise or nasty remark, just stating a fact. No different than if she'd said "Mummy, you've got blue eyes".
Explain to her that it's not nice to comment on someone's appearance and move on.

My child said I was fat the other day, it was a bit of a shock so I laughed, but it’s true too. I said Yes, and i’m strong, too, and threw him around a bit on the trampoline and when we stopped playing reminded him that he can say that, or anything, to me, but that it’s rude to comment on people’s appearances so keep it in the family. I don’t think anyone needs to board a bus and hear their physical descriptors pointed out in ringing tones, and i’d sooner not be sat by the child that does it.
Fatness has such horrible connotations, OP, and slimness is so venerated, it can be hard not to internalise shame about it. You have nothing to be ashamed of, though, and I hope you know that. It’s the shame that our children pick up on I think, even though they probably couldn’t name it. Health At Every Size is worth a google.

My DC1 had just turned 5 when they started calling me fat (I was several months post partum & struggled to get into my size 10 clothes)

I was pissed off (not with them), but because my mother had decided to call me fat the previous week, all in front of DC1, and it certainly wasn't meant as "lighthearted"

It was painful when DC1 just came out with it a few days later.

Thanks mum

She was being innocently observant. You said yourself that you are fat.

Kids say all sorts that would be hurtful if it came from anyone else. My daughter the other day told me I was "being horrible" and "not allowed to live here any more", because I said she couldn't have ice-cream for breakfast

Peppa Pig calls Daddy pig fat, do your children watch it ?

I don’t like the word fat to describe someone’s appearance so we don’t use it. However my 3 year old told my uncle that he was too fat recently. She could have picked it up from anywhere really - it doesn’t matter how careful you are they’ll always pick up swear words/hurtful language.

The important thing to do is just keep reiterating that it’s not a nice thing to say if and when she says it in future. She’ll probably be gutted about it when she looks back in the future.

For everyone saying she was just telling it how it is - what if she’d gone up to someone and said you’re ugly? Would that have been ok if the person was ugly? If it’s hurtful to someone it’s not ok to say and although it’s not her fault at the age of 4 she does need to be taught that now.

Ugly is completely different to fat. It derives from a lot of social conditioning and norms that a five year old won’t even be aware of.

Children of that age say what they see and generally don’t have a filter. My boyfriend has a disability that effects his arms and hands, it means his hands look a little odd and are always in a strange position (no arm muscle and his hands flat to his inner arm) my son is also four, a few weeks ago he said “your arms are horrible” he didn’t mean to be unpleasant, his four year old brain was just verbalising what he saw. We do talk about boyfriends disability so my son knows why his arms look different, he will know say something like “your arms are small (as in skinny)” as his four year old brain needs to be able to say something about them.

Kids also learn things at school, in October he called me a poof as it’s something he will have been called at school.

He does know you should only say nice things to people about their appearance, but four year olds don’t have the best self control. I’m sure when he wakes up he’ll tell us both that our breath stinks, you have to just take it on the chin.

@Tiredtiredtiredtiredtired

Nobody is saying she shouldn't be taught this can be hurtful. Just that it is unlikely she was saying it to be hurtful.

Would that have been ok if the person was ugly

But "ugly" is a subjective characteristic which would have required some sort of interpretation of OPs appearance by the child to come to that conclusion

Fat is the same as tall, short, blonde, bald. It's a visible characteristic which isn't subjective and doesn't require the forming of an opinion.

OP is fat, she's said that herself.

Maybe a bit of a wake up call......

Well as you admit, she's not wrong. Many children that age will not know tact. Do you ever get questions when out and about such as why does that man have a funny eye, why does that old lady bend over so much etc? Just reinforce that it can upset people so she shouldn't always comment such things unless she knows they're nice

My 6 year old has verbal diarrhoea and says whatever comes into his head, I am trying to teach him not to make comments about people's appearance unless it's a positive comment. Although I think they naturally know what's rude and what's not from a little older.

My daughter said this to a friend when she was about the same age. The friend laughed it off and admitted she was. As another poster said, children say what they see at that age. Why are you so upset? You’ve admitted yourself that you’re morbidly obese. Maybe this will encourage you to do something about it.

At least it was to you, and not to someone in the street.

Young children do say what they see, though your dd is old enough to understand that it’s not nice or kind to call anyone fat.

I well remember a very little dd saying out loud, on seeing a fit enough looking bloke, maybe mid 60s, with a full head of white hair, ‘Oh, just look at that poor old man! He’s going to die soon!’

Talk about cringe!

I don't think she really knew what she was saying

I disagree. Children are very literal and honest. If you yourself say that you are obese then why wouldnt she see that and know what it meant. She is seeing other adults and making her own connections.

You can address is by saying its not nice to say that and people feel sad when you hurt their feelings. But I wouldn't be harsh because she said what she thinks because you technically agree.

Both mine called me huge last week! I'm not, but I have gained. I said it falls into the same category as name-calling/bullying. They haven't said it again.

Calling someone fat is unkind. Saying overweight is the same as tall/short/blonde/brunette but not fat. I doubt many people on here would call someone fat to their faces irl and there’s a good reason for that.

By the way fat can also be subjective. My other half thinks size 12 is “fat” but I bet there’s plenty on here that wouldn’t agree.

She’s telling the truth, like you say you are overweight. I’d just say it’s unkind to say dang to people, we all come in different shapes and sizes.

Well, as other said, she stated a fact.
Hopefully she won't make a connection between your weight and your CV risk-factors.
A child among my aquaintances is freightend for her DM.

If she watches Peppa Pig, she could have got it from there if that's what your query is. My 5yr old son has said that about people without knowing that it could be upsetting. When I told him it's rude he said that peppa says it about Daddy Pig

I think the best way to deal with this is to keep up a positive attitude - “yes I am fat - people and their bodies are all different, and that’s okay!” rather than react like she’s said something awful.
That’s how I’ve always dealt with being told I’m fat by children (you never get over the initial gut punch though 😂) and they just accept it. If they carry on or say it in a way designed to get a reaction, I either ignore or explain again that yes, all bodies are different, but it’s unkind to talk about other people’s bodies/appearances at length.

It's descriptive. I'm fat. I have no reason to be fat other than I eat more calories than I use every day. My kids get embarrassed when I say I'm fat. 'No you're not' they gamely lie. Fat isn't a value judgement. It's a statement of fa(c)t .