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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Report neighbours with grown up children visiting?

178 replies

NameChange3667 · 10/04/2020 22:34

My neighbours have both their grown up children plus partners seemingly staying for the easter weekend.
It makes a change that the neighbourhood are not having to put up with their usual excessive drinking, loud music and loud sweary, crude converstions that generally go on every time the sun comes out and they all come round, maybe they think if they are quiet then nobody will notice?
Why do they think the advice about not travelling to see family over the holiday weekend doesn't apply to them?
Would you report them to the police?

OP posts:
Amanduh · 11/04/2020 00:43

It’s not grassing, curtain twitching, or ’stasi’ (fuck off with that) to want to report people completely disregarding lockdown rules during a global pandemic that is killing unprecedented amounts of people. I hate this stupid mumsnet attitude that everyone is a grass or a busybody with ‘nothing better to do’ (nope, because of people like this there is literally nothing better to do) because they are fucking fed up of people doing what they like in a bloody dangerous time.

Redglitter · 11/04/2020 01:26

@Hannah021. As I said I can only speak for my force but yes we will respond to every reported violation of the guidelines. To be honest our other call volume has dropped a bit recently & also a lot of calls are being dealt with over the phone if they can be. Were trying to be sensible & minimise contact between officers & the public if it's not necessary.

It's quite disheartening to see the number of reported violations were getting. Having said that there are a number of them that on investigation arent breaches.

Hannah021 · 11/04/2020 01:48

@RedRedScab yes i think rape, and physical abuse, murder, and burglary, drug distribution, and the long list is much more important than reporting ur neighbour for having friends over !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????

Hannah021 · 11/04/2020 01:50

@Redglitter thanks Flowers

1300cakes · 11/04/2020 02:59

So you are not wanting to report them due to the health concern, but as an act of revenge for their raucous behavior over the past.

This! If you want to report them go ahead but don't come on here wanting a pat on the back for how moral you are, it's a petty act of revenge that has nothing to do with the pandemic.

If they've been ruining your life for years why didn't you address it before now. Things to try - talking to them, making noise complaint or moving.

Macncheeseballs · 11/04/2020 08:04

Report them. If they've been bad neighbours for years, you've finally got something on them.

thetwinkletoescollective · 11/04/2020 08:12

I think you will have to live next door to your neighbours for longer than lock down.

Doing something from a place of rage usually leads to regret.

I think you need to consider what you can control (your behaviour) and what you can’t control (their behaviour).

I see all these violation reports as the fear reaction from the reporter. They are trying to control what essentially they can’t- other people’s behaviour.

I think in this time many people are feeling grief for the things they have lost but are not recognising their own feelings and getting stuck in anger and blame rather than acceptance.

Ragwort · 11/04/2020 08:15

How can the police possibly deal with all these reports of gatherings in private homes?

Am I flouting the rules? Possibly - depends on how you interpret them, I do voluntary work with very vulnerable people, should I give that up? I also visited my very elderly parents (stayed in the garden). I also do shopping for elderly neighbours.

All of these I class as ‘helping the vulnerable’.

Unihorn · 11/04/2020 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverdeRose · 11/04/2020 08:21

If it's going to make you feel better report it.

Original poster
NameChange3667 · 11/04/2020 08:22

So..I've slept on it....

Still can't decide - I agree with both sides of the argument.

On the one hand, if I did report it, I know that nothing would be done as there are more serious things going on that the police need to deal with, but I shoudl think they are keeping a count of the number of reports which is useful statistically.
Also, I know I should go and talk to them (from a distance!) rather than going straight to the police,, but don't want the confrontation. They're not aggressive, sweary people; it is their kids/kids partners/and their own parents who would be boozing and swearing and telling racist jokes.

On the other hand, they are annoying twats and I bet they think that by sitting 'quietly' out the back at the moment that nobody will mind. And tbh, I don't really give a shit - its them and their family that are going to be potentially passing on the virus to each other and getting sick. It would just be a shame if they needed scarce NHS resources because they decided seeing their family was important than everyone else doing it .

OP posts:
scaryreading · 11/04/2020 08:25

It is really unfair though on people who are doing the right thing and not visiting our dc etc this weekend. Many of us should have been but have chosen to Skype instead

Perhaps they are putting their own health at risk? They have to live with themselves and their conscience?

BrooHaHa · 11/04/2020 08:27

All those shouting curtain twitchers blah blah, are you flaunting the rules?!

I think there are lots of people on here who do enjoy flaunting the rules, or at least their adherence to them, but it doesn't mean what you think it does. I imagine you are probably a flaunter yourself.

I would report, OP, because:

  1. It's not worth beginning a dispute with the neighbours over.
  2. The guy's a retired police officer. They won't touch him.
BrooHaHa · 11/04/2020 08:29

Ah, typo! I meant to say, I would not report.

Roussette · 11/04/2020 08:41

The problem with reporting is NOT that there's something reprehensible about reporting crimes, but that as with reporting benefit claimants you don't really know the circumstances

What could be OK circumstances? So children and grandchildren turn up at their parents as normal, there really isn't any circumstances that would make this an OK thing to do surely... it's not exactly going shopping for vulnerable parents and leaving bags in the garden for them is it...

My NDN has an extension being rebuilt with a number of random builders rolling up. It started yesterday and this morning they turned up at 8am and it's going on for 6 days. NDN hasn't told me, I overheard this. Is this allowed.... I don't think so... I thought building work had stopped?

sestras · 11/04/2020 08:42

My friend reported a party at her neighbours house and the police told her they didn't have the man power to come and break it up.

Pumpkinpie1 · 11/04/2020 08:46

Every day more people are dying. I’m sure many of them were infected by those who believed the rules didn’t apply to them. I think it’s incredibly selfish & no different from a drink driver killing an innocent because they were too selfish to get a taxi.
I’d love to see my extended family & friends but won’t put them or anyone else at risk.
That’s not curtain twitching it’s caring about others before my own wishes.
Report them

scaryreading · 11/04/2020 08:59

Yes, how would you live with yourself if you passed on the virus unknowingly on your visit and your relatives become extremely ill which isn't out of the question

Nottherealslimshady · 11/04/2020 09:05

Report them! It's against the law! The police will go over and fine them and send them home. Shit like this is putting loads of lives at risk.

Kastanien · 11/04/2020 09:06

It's quite disheartening to see the number of reported violations were getting. Having said that there are a number of them that on investigation arent breaches.

This is what I am worried about. I see my neighbours coming and going, they often go out four or more times a day but I don't know if they are shopping for several vulnerable people and delivering at different times, so I won't assume they are breaking the rules.

AppleJane · 11/04/2020 09:10

Some of the comments on here are outrageous.

If only this virus took out the stupid and selfish. For every ventilator these selfish people need that's one less ventilator for a frontline key worker.

There's a nurse posting on here. Have enough respect to listen to her.

Wallawalla · 11/04/2020 09:28

Ffs mind you're own business!

This reporting neighbours is shit, how about you look inside your own home and keep your nose in there instead of watching what others do. If you're observing the social distancing and keeping your kids in the house, what business is someone else's life got to do with you?

Ok so I'm going to get a full range of comments off the back of this post, but we are all adults . We know the risks and if people want to put their families and loved ones at risk, so be it! My neighbours had their friends over the other day in the garden, and we were out with our kids. Fence, social distancing observed and therefore not my business.

Everyone stop being social police and mind your own business!!!!

catpyjamas · 11/04/2020 09:44

I have reported my neighbours for having numerous visitors per day, parties in the back garden, going out numerous times per day loading up their cars with bikes and what looked like beach chairs, one neighbour is going to the shop each morning for 'essentials' and because they are on the 'vulnerable' list they also have someone bringing them things and putting the bag at their door every couple days. They are clearly flouting the rules, but the police do nothing.
DH and I are working from home, have only been to the shop once in nearly 3 weeks, only go out once for a walk per day, basically following the rules. It's funny that the neighbours we see flouting the rules are the ones out every Thursday at 8pm banging their pans as loud as they can before grouping closely together (flouting rules!) to gossip about those who didn't come out. Hmm

I'd report your neighbour OP but in my experience the police won't do anything.

WallyDancre · 11/04/2020 09:54

Can’t believe all these curtain twitchers on Mumsnet.

Curtaintwitchersnet is full of curtain-twitchers. Who'd have guessed.