AIBU to think hubby should stop going to the shops?

[tumpymummy]

Prior to all this coronaviurs I would do the main shopping for our family, but hubby would often pop to the shops to pick up milk and bread (particularly as there is a particular bakers that he likes the bread from). Plus somedays he wold pop to the small Sainsburys near where he works and bring home reduced items for dinner. Since lockdown I have been going to the shops once every 7 days to do a big shop, wearing gloves and then wiping everything down once I get home. We literally have a house full of food! Cupboards and freezer are full. Yet hubby is still going to the shops near work and bringing home the odd thing. I have told him on numerous occasions that I am not happy with this as everytime he goes to a shop he exposes our household to unnecessary risk. The other night I got upset and told him that I felt he was disrespecting my wishes. His argument being that it is fine because the shop near him is nearly always empty and at the bakers they all stand in line 2m apart. The other day I also told him that I didn't expect an easter egg from him, that I had picked some up for the kids with my weekly shop and my gift would be for him not to go to the shop. So last night he came home with more bread and some cider (for me). We have three f*g loaves already and 8 cans of cider that I bought in the weekly shop. I just dont get why he is not hearing me? I am more upset about the fact that he is completely ignoring my requests. I couldn't bear to be near him last night so avoided him all evening, watching TV in our bedroom. I am not normally someone who can do the whole 'not-talking' thing and now it is a new day I am wondering if I am over reacting?

*baking shelves were completely empty

Erm. how is discussing reasons why people need to go out not relevant in a thread about people going out?

Erm... Maybe because that's not what the thread is about 🙄

You are told you are allowed out once a week, it can be only one person in that household, you are only allowed to visit the supermarket to shop from a very limited amount of what is agreed on as acceptable essentials

Thems the rules. Most people manage. Why can't you?

Again the op is under no obligation to share, she could be living in one of those households currently locked in with an abuser. Maybe the op is an abuser and it's a way of avoiding being around her too much

Except OP has managed to create a thread.... Hysterical much!

My post wasn't aimed at anyone in particular, nor is this one. However, now you know my circumstances you can understand more why people are forced to go out daily to the shop. They really don't need the pile-on and negativity thrown their way as some have done on this post. And realistically I shouldn't have had to explain a thing, just like those who get their stuff delivered every month as clockwork shouldn't have to explain their financial reasons.

It really isn't as simple for many to follow the advice to the letter. I'm actually envious of those who don't have these issues to face nor have they ever before. But that's my personal issue to deal with, and nothing to do with other people to go as far as to judge and condemn them for their situations.

It's this narrative I don't understand because honestly, everyone has different circumstances and if people really cannot see any of them without it being pointed out to them, then honestly it's time to come out of that bubble. The reality for many isn't a rosy life. It's also not healthy to have such a limited view of what happens in the real world.

Of course, I don't like what is out there, never have, never will, but cannot hide away or be let out once a week forever. No-one can.

Oh and not that it's relevant I have CV19, I have lost people to it, one during that second week after the last half term. I know how fucked up this thing is. And to be honest all the times I have mentioned any of us going out haven't happened since that second week when I got this fucking bastard of an arsehole virus. Those are things I am really looking forward to and according to some, I cannot even safely stand on my own balcony despite being more than 6 foot away from any of my neighbour's windows never mind gardens/balconies when I have taken advantage of the cheer for the NHS staff thing. And of course, the risk is always on my mind even when I sleep. I don't live alone and one of mine doesn't fully understand what self-isolation is, never has and unfortunately never will.

And for some reason, I can explain this without the need to judge and condemn others more fortunate. My posts might be hard to read emotionally, how do people think it feels for those reading all the negative narrative who are facing these or worse situations? I can tell you, I'm really feeling like absolute worthless, selfish scum hence I am still awake and have been since 7 am. People are quick to point out how everyone else should be considerate yet they pile on. Where's the consideration for those forced to take terrifying decisions on a regular basis?

And realistically I shouldn't have had to explain a thing, just like those who get their stuff delivered every month as clockwork shouldn't have to explain their financial reasons

You're right you shouldn't have to explain anything - especially things that the thread isn't about. It's boring 😴 Have a nice day 🤘

Of course, it's boring to some people. Not everyone wants to hear about real life. And funny as fuck tbh considering well, I will let people work that one out for themselves

How about going through the entire thread and pointing out to a lot of people how they are posting apparent irreverent or boring things? Could I suggest you apply for a job on here, they are in desperate need of support

Canigooutyet You are off on a tangent. Maybe make your own thread. This one doesn't fit your agenda - sorry! (not sorry. Just pissed off with reading rubbish that doesn't belong on this thread 🙄)

You'd be better off making your own violin thread Canigooutyet 🎻

@canigooutyet
I am sorry to hear that you have lost people close to you due to Covid-19. I am sorry that you have Covid-19. I sincerely hope that you get through it. It's okay to feel sorry for yourself when you're ill.

Only you will really know what is essential and what is not essential for your individual circumstances during this crisis, so don't let other people's opinions rile you up. We are all randoms on here. Treat people how you would like to be treated and try not to be bothered about what other people think.

He's upping the risk to your family and to the greater community. If he's incubating it he will be spreading it far and wide. The two of you have locked in a power struggle over it and there isn't much to be done really. He's happily risking other peoples and his own life. Just because you go out to work doesn't mean fuck it all. It's about reducing transmission possibilities. Each time we touch something etc it's another chance for transmission.

He shouldn’t be doing that. It’s unnecessary shopping. Full. Stop. The advice is only go out for necessary food shopping. You are right. He is not only increasing the risk to you but also to others (he may be an asymptomatic carrier) and that may lead to unnecessary deaths and further loss and trauma for families and key workers. This is not something to minimise and ignore. He is risking lives for his favourite bread and cider...

Thank you @BubblyBluePebbles
I try obviously to not let this shit get to me, it's just fucking hard when everywhere you go you are told you are basically scum for daring to even take a foot outside from some. When you try and give reasons why this is an impossible task, you are told nope selfish blah blah blah. You've read this thread, you've seen some of the shit that is told over and over again. The only way to avoid it is to avoid all internet use and stick to gaming offline or watching Netflix.

It's draining constantly being told you aren't being considerate for doing something small but essential to that persons well being both physically and mentally. The irony of it eh?

And oops we seem to be off-topic again talking on a thread about going out

As I stated earlier, I do sympathise with those who have no choice but to shop for essentials everyday.

I forgot to add:
Fish and meat does not always remain fresh all the way up to the use by date. Sometimes it starts to look and smell like it's about to go off 1/2 days before the use by date (Aldi 🙄 I guess this is one of the ways they keep their prices low). We had our Good Friday fish on Thursday for this reason. I've also had to throw out some Aldi mince beef this week for this reason. And this is not the first time re. Aldi mince beef. In the past, I taken it back days in advance of the use by date and received an exchange/refund.

It's not possible for most to be able to store enough food supplies for a week during lockdown. We're all at home all day and are obviously eating at home more, whereas most of us would be at the very least eating our lunch elsewhere. Not everyone can afford to buy more items than they usually buy on each trip as budgets are tight, esp. now as soo many people have lost their jobs, likely to lose their jobs/livelihood. Many have small or average sized fridge freezers or no freezer at all. Not everyone has the space and/or funds to buy a chest freezer. Plus, greedy retailers have put up prices for chest freezers since lockdown.

We're a family of 5 and I've just realised that our milk and egg supply is low. So, it looks like I'll be making a 3rd trip to the supermarket this week, as shops are closed tomorrow. I doubt they'll be any eggs left at this time. I didn't want to be greedy and buy too many boxes of eggs earlier in the week, as there weren't that many left. We all need to treat people how we would like to be treated. The greedy stockpiling mentality helps no one in the long run.

Oh well, my shopping trips balance out, as they are the only time I leave the house. I've also been wearing a mask every time I leave the house for the last 3 weeks. I'm not exercising my right to daily exercise outside of the house, as I get my daily fresh air and exercise in my garden.

Thanks all for your comments and support. Definitely no abuse going on here. We had a talk (argument!) and as per someone's suggestion lower down thread DH is going to do all the shopping this week. Reasoning is that he will be going to Tesco near work anyway to send post and shops near him sound quieter than the Aldi I have been going to. Like another pp says because he is still leaving the home to go to work to him it doesn't seem like such a big deal. I shall stay cacooned in my little house and garden with the kids. I'm normally a weirdo who likes going to supermarkets but I have to say I was a bit anxious when I went this week so I dont think I will miss going.