AIBU to think hubby should stop going to the shops?

[tumpymummy]

Prior to all this coronaviurs I would do the main shopping for our family, but hubby would often pop to the shops to pick up milk and bread (particularly as there is a particular bakers that he likes the bread from). Plus somedays he wold pop to the small Sainsburys near where he works and bring home reduced items for dinner. Since lockdown I have been going to the shops once every 7 days to do a big shop, wearing gloves and then wiping everything down once I get home. We literally have a house full of food! Cupboards and freezer are full. Yet hubby is still going to the shops near work and bringing home the odd thing. I have told him on numerous occasions that I am not happy with this as everytime he goes to a shop he exposes our household to unnecessary risk. The other night I got upset and told him that I felt he was disrespecting my wishes. His argument being that it is fine because the shop near him is nearly always empty and at the bakers they all stand in line 2m apart. The other day I also told him that I didn't expect an easter egg from him, that I had picked some up for the kids with my weekly shop and my gift would be for him not to go to the shop. So last night he came home with more bread and some cider (for me). We have three f*g loaves already and 8 cans of cider that I bought in the weekly shop. I just dont get why he is not hearing me? I am more upset about the fact that he is completely ignoring my requests. I couldn't bear to be near him last night so avoided him all evening, watching TV in our bedroom. I am not normally someone who can do the whole 'not-talking' thing and now it is a new day I am wondering if I am over reacting?

It doesn't really fit in with "as infrequently as possible".

I used to mooch round the shops daily but since lockdown have only been once and did a shop to last so I don't have to go again for a while.

The rules say nothing about how many times you can go shopping a week. Where are people getting this stuff from? If you want to go on about the rules, maybe read them first, esp regulation 6. www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2020/350/regulation/6/made

Of course the rules don't stipulate how often you can shop but why would you go twice when you can go once?

It’s actually a privilege to get everything you need in one weekly shop

• privilege of a well stocked grocer with no essential items missing when you go

-privilege of enough fridge/freezer/cupboard storage space for a weeks worth of food. -privilege of small enough family so the item restrictions do not affect you -privilege of able to drive a car to one of the large, all in one supermarkets and which can carry the food when purchased.

Many of us literally cannot do all our essential shopping in one weekly shop. We need top ups.

Yep, the privilege of those who do have cars and well-stocked local shops...There's no way in the world that I could buy enough essentials for 7 of us, as a non-driver, with one weekly trip to the shops. I wish I could!

It IS an increased risk because he's coming into more contact with people than he would be if he was coming straight home so I think he shouldn't really do it.
Having said that, it's not so bad and people are flouting the rules much more than he is. You say he's not respecting your wishes, but you're not respecting his either.

I’ve got the exact opposite issue with husband refusing to go ! I’m shielding but at this rate I’m going to need to break the rules

Told him he is being a grocery abuser

He ibu by shopping more than necessary but my DH does our shop and it can be frustrating as I can't get to have a look round and pick up a few bits or something that looks nice in store. So I can understand why he would want to.

Paragraph 1 of section 6 is disapplied by paragraph 4 in the case of an individual who is homeless. If you kick him out he can go to the shops as often as he likes.

mrsbyers that's really bad I hope you get something sorted. You can get some help with this if you need to so don't go out and risk your health.

Your “hubby” sounds like the people frequently mentioned on here (usually by supermarket workers) who ‘pop’ to the shop daily for their newspaper or pint of milk.
It’s not about the items as such as they are not necessary. It’s about getting out for half an hour and having a stroll, enjoying the little outing.

But yes in this current situation, very foolish. Unfortunately you can’t control him and if you have told him how much it’s upsetting you and he’s still doing it I’m not sure where you go from there..

hubby

YABVU

Sounds like you've been panic buying OP.

Not helping anyone.

I never thought i'd find myself quoting Nicola Sturgeon but "life should not feel normal". Sounds like he's carrying on as normal and maybe needs a wake up call.

When I or my partner have been at work, I've not really considered we are putting our household at more risk by going to a shop on the way home than we already are by going to work.

Thankyou, some interesting perspectives here. Agreed I am not respecting his wishes, but then that's because they are potentially riskier than mine. As PP suggested, since I am not going out to work maybe I should get him to do all the shopping. But then as another said, then he will be making numerous smaller trips (he cycles to work). I know it is a luxury to be able to afford doing one big shop at time. I guess another reason why it is upsetting me is because it seems to me that he doesnt care. If he loved us, he would want to protect us.And do whatever he thinks is safest. Safety isnt coming in to it for him, but convenience and opportunity. Exactly the same as the eggs and Magnums husband. Glad I am not alone, with these men that think they are in invincible.

I’ve asked my husband not to go to the shops. He was resistant at first, but when I explained how scared I feel (I’m asthmatic so trying to be extra cautious) he hasn’t gone. I don’t think OP is being dramatic at all. The advice has been clear to minimise shopping trips and he really has no reason to keep going.

We're being told to shop as infrequently as possible (though the exact number isn't specified because it will look different depending on your household).

Some people think as infrequently as possible means 'shop when I like because I fancy popping in for things and it doesn't matter anyway'. These people are selfish arseholes in my opinion.

It’s not panic buying to do a weekly shop and then ask your husband not to go when he is buying extra food the OP has made clear they don’t need. I think posters saying she isn’t respecting his needs are being unreasonable, he is not respecting hers to keep their children safe. Safety trumps personal choice here.

Ive been having a go at a family member for going to the shops all of the bloody time. I do have a controling streak.

I think it’s really bloody weird behaviour by your husband. He bought bread when you already had 3 loaves and cider when you already had 8 cans. Did you ask him WHY he bought these things?
Did he actually think you needed them? What does he say about this when asked?

He bought the extra bread because he prefers it to the bread I bought! The cider because he didnt realise I had bought some in the week and he thought it would be nice over the w/e.

@Katinski you beat me to it!
YANBU, what’s going to happen to those 4 loaves of bread? Is hubby going to stuff them down or let them go to waste?
Seriously though, he shouldn’t be ‘popping to the shops’. It is increasing his exposure risk and it’s not really fair on the people working in the shop when the trip is unnecessary anyway.

I know all of this, but I dont see how I can get him to understand. He says I am nagging.

Agreed. Tricky, but nowhere did it say only allowed to shop once a week.