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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think hubby should stop going to the shops?

113 replies

tumpymummy · 10/04/2020 10:27

Prior to all this coronaviurs I would do the main shopping for our family, but hubby would often pop to the shops to pick up milk and bread (particularly as there is a particular bakers that he likes the bread from). Plus somedays he wold pop to the small Sainsburys near where he works and bring home reduced items for dinner. Since lockdown I have been going to the shops once every 7 days to do a big shop, wearing gloves and then wiping everything down once I get home. We literally have a house full of food! Cupboards and freezer are full. Yet hubby is still going to the shops near work and bringing home the odd thing. I have told him on numerous occasions that I am not happy with this as everytime he goes to a shop he exposes our household to unnecessary risk. The other night I got upset and told him that I felt he was disrespecting my wishes. His argument being that it is fine because the shop near him is nearly always empty and at the bakers they all stand in line 2m apart. The other day I also told him that I didn't expect an easter egg from him, that I had picked some up for the kids with my weekly shop and my gift would be for him not to go to the shop. So last night he came home with more bread and some cider (for me). We have three f*g loaves already and 8 cans of cider that I bought in the weekly shop. I just dont get why he is not hearing me? I am more upset about the fact that he is completely ignoring my requests. I couldn't bear to be near him last night so avoided him all evening, watching TV in our bedroom. I am not normally someone who can do the whole 'not-talking' thing and now it is a new day I am wondering if I am over reacting?

OP posts:
tumpymummy · 10/04/2020 15:18

In fact thinking about it I think the reason why our marriage has lasted nearly 30 years is because normally I do not 'nag', normally he does what he wants.

OP posts:
Iamtryingtobenicehere · 10/04/2020 15:22

He’s a grown up op, it’s his choice. Although I understand your concerns, it’s not for you to police him.

LolaSmiles · 10/04/2020 15:23

Tricky, but nowhere did it say only allowed to shop once a week
But it does say to shop as infrequently as possible.

BessMarvin · 10/04/2020 15:27

I had a bet with myself that someone would pick up on "hubby" within the first 5 replies so 8 was disappointing.

Rules are go to the shops infrequently for essentials. He is frequently going for non essentials. So obviously not ok.

Boredbumhead · 10/04/2020 15:28

My observation is that men are generally unable to do a weekly shop. My do too, has been doing regular little shops to get milk and wine and chocolate. I told him this was against the spirit of one big shop a week, but he just couldn't get it.

midsomermurderess · 10/04/2020 15:31

The regulations don't say that Lola. You have a reasonable excuse to leave your home if you are shopping for basic necessities. The regs allow some discretion as to how you this. You might like the law to say something different but it doesn't.

daisychain01 · 10/04/2020 15:32

YANBU to be uncomfortable with your DH making random unnecessary trip and increasing risk of exposure without any need, if you've already bought all the shopping.

I don't know what you can do to stop him, he sounds a bit bored and just doing it to break the monotony, as I don't know of many blokes who willingly go grocery shopping for the fun of it.

Tell him he'll have to start self-isolating for 14 days if he keeps doing it. At least you'll get 2 weeks peace.

1066vegan · 10/04/2020 15:36

YBU for calling him hubby.

YNBU for asking him to stop popping to the shops.

Sometimes people do need to do a few small shops a week but if you're able to do a big weekly shop then that's what you need to stick to.

Every extra trip increases possible transmission routes and brings the possibility (however small) of either infecting others when you go out or becoming infected yourself and bringing the virus home.

bridgetreilly · 10/04/2020 15:39

It's not okay!

We are all supposed to be shopping AS INFREQUENTLY AS POSSIBLE.

Clearly he is going more frequently than needed, buying things you've already got plenty of. He needs to stop.

AmelieTaylor · 10/04/2020 15:44

There's nothing wrong with 'hubby'. Someone many years ago on MN just decided there was, then it became a thing.🙄

Decent people behave like @DollyDaph10's DH.

Twats just argue idiots can do as they please.

The totally brainless argue it's without risk & justify it by saying he's out anyway 🙄🙄🙄

EggBaconBeans · 10/04/2020 15:46

I see your point. Absolutely.

He could be asymptomatic.

Each time he goes in the shop yes, he's at risk, it's a simple as that. He also then returns home and you and the rest of the family are at risk.

It's not just about " washing hands" this thing is airborne as well, being spread by droplets etc, hence the need for social distancing.

Trouble is, there are so many people who think they're invincible.

No, I make you right op. Absolutely.

MrsEricBana · 10/04/2020 15:53

*It's not okay!

We are all supposed to be shopping AS INFREQUENTLY AS POSSIBLE.

Clearly he is going more frequently than needed, buying things you've already got plenty of. He needs to stop.*

^this. YaDnbu

JingsMahBucket · 10/04/2020 16:11

YANBU simply due to the fact that’s he’s wasting money on extraneous food. Anything could happen job-wise in the next few months and I’d be tightening the belts just in case.

Also YANBU for using the term “hubby”. Some people in this thread are being assholes for no reason. As if “hubby” is any worse than “DH”. Get over it folks. 🙄 I loathe the term “DH” but you don’t see me commenting about it on every single thread.

diddl · 10/04/2020 16:22

What's the point in Op planning & shopping for a week when he just tits about going to the shop when he feels like it?

What a twat.

People are supposed to be cutting interaction down to a little as possible aren't they?

LolaSmiles · 10/04/2020 16:28

Each time he goes in the shop yes, he's at risk, it's a simple as that. He also then returns home and you and the rest of the family are at risk
And the virus is carried by asymptomatic carriers and can remain in their air and on surfaces so all these people just popping to the shop for their little treats are making the shopping trip more risky for others as well.

TheCanyon · 10/04/2020 16:33

YANBU me and the dc been home and nowhere out the garden for 3 weeks today. Dh not been at work since 3 weeks today, we've been able to get a weekly delivery but dh is part of the covid group for the town so been in town 2-3 times a week to sainsburys/chemist where they've apparently been very good with queuing etc.

Dh became unwell last sunday, my lungs were horrendously sore by tuesday. He's put at least us 5 others in the house at risk just to be nice.

There's fuck all need to go to the shops needlessly.

RhymingRabbit3 · 10/04/2020 16:39

YANBU

it doesnt sound like he is going to listen though, so I don't know what you can say to make him see reason. Could you try discussing it and compromising on going to the shop every other day rather than every day? Or give him a list so at least he buys stuff you actually need rather than just more bread that you already have?

BruceAndNosh · 10/04/2020 16:46

if you clean packaging it's fine unless this advice has changed in the last few days
What "advice" ?
Is this official advice or just a few on mumsnet who are bleaching their shopping and quarantining their post?

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 10/04/2020 16:49

You can go out every day if you need to so long as it is essential things you need
What essentials need to be obtained daily ? Insulin? Most people keep a supply at home

JingsMahBucket · 10/04/2020 16:57

@RhymingRabbit3
Or give him a list so at least he buys stuff you actually need rather than just more bread that you already have?

Good idea. Even if you need 10 items, break it up into three lists to space it out. Jesus, some men are like children.

JingsMahBucket · 10/04/2020 16:58

That wasn’t sarcasm, by the way, @RhymingRabbit3. I just realized how nutty it all sounded while typing. Grin

ZaraW · 10/04/2020 17:02

There's nothing wrong with 'hubby'.

I would disagree

totallydevoidofideas · 10/04/2020 17:39

I don't understand why people aren't all fucking scared of this virus. Haven't they seen the daily death figures? It's so terrifying. It's either they don't like being told what to do and will resist that whatever it is, or they can't really believe what is going on so carry on as normal until someone they know dies then they might believe it. Or they are really thick. I really can't decide but I don't understand this at all.

Leflic · 10/04/2020 18:32

I think it’s more to do with him being at work,so a big chunk of lockdown will have passed him by.
It’s easy to stick to the rules and apply them rigidly when you are at home all day for that very reason.
If you still have to work, meeting colleagues and possibly the public, standing in queue 2m apart in shop isn’t going to seem that risky.

Adarajames · 10/04/2020 18:50

Tell him he needs to find somewhere else to stay as he’s risking you and the kids unnecessarily? Least that way you wouldn’t be at increased risk and he can carry on as he likes, being a stubborn twat!

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