Furious at my DH

[NotTheVeryNice]

DCs and I self isolating, but DH is a key worker so goes to work every day. I expect him to self isolate while not working, but he does not. He goes to see family members 2-3 times a week 'just for a chat'. Family members are all in their 30s, no children. Yesterday he has informed me that family has invited us for BBQ on Sunday and DH expected us to go. I am fuming! Yesterday he went to see his friend, who is single and who's uncle died from corona, and see nothing wrong with it, as 'friend has been self isolating for weeks (friend is a worrier even in better times) and I wear PPE at work so it's fine'. I can not imagine how to get in to his head that we have to have as less contact as possible. He is a covidiot, and should I just leave him to it? If I had second home to go to, I would leave him- that's how annoyed I am. Sorry, just wanted to vent and I can's sleep.

He definitely a Covidiot as you’ve so aptly named him. He is also an adult who can make his own decisions, but also an adult who thinks the lockdown rules don’t apply to him. I would be furious too OP, and I’m not sure if the police would be interested (I’m sure they would be over the BBQ) as that’s obviously classed as a gathering they can disperse. Would you report him/the BBQ?

I wouldn't be allowing him back into the he house if it were my husband. I would tell him to go stay with one of the people he must visit so often and put them at risk daily instead of you.

I'm furious with my ex as she is also a covidiot.
Every single day she is walking 20 minutes across to see her parents with my 14 year old daughter.
I no the police won't be interested and I also no if I say anything to my ex or my daughter I'll just get abuse and then ignored.
@NotTheVeryNice I understand your frustration but I don't think people will listen unless there is a strict lock down .

No commonsense at all. I would be angry too. Has he always been a rebel and flouted rules? He seems to be thinking of no one's safety whatsoever, and you are right to be furious. He will be going to that bbq alone I take?! I would be isolating from him as best as possible, because he is offering himself up to contracting and spreading with no care. I don't understand people like this. Strange behaviour. Be bold OP. Maybe he should go live with those equally idiotic people he keeps visiting?!

I just can't get my head around someone having a BBQ at the moment. Why would anyone think it is ok?

Ask him why he thinks the law doesn’t apply to him.

Bbq with the bubble is ok. Bbq with loads of invited non bubble guests is not ok.

He shouldn't be going to see friends or family but he's not self-isolating if going to work every day. He literally can't.

Could you tell him to go and stay with his friends until this is over?

It's all right until he causes you or your family to fall ill.

Don't go to the BBQ. Phone the police and tell them where it is.

If he goes he don’t come back. Seriously does he not realise how this got in one country. 8 people visited a country. One got it. Then it spread. 5000 people had contact with these 8 over four days.

He is being irresponsible and I’m sorry but if he can’t keep you and the kids safe then he stays somewhere else oh and report the bbq to the police

Agree with Fabby.

I just can't get my head around someone having a BBQ at the moment. Why would anyone think it is ok?

I don't understand why they would want to put their health or the health of their family at risk? Especially someone who is a key worker and has to wear PPE during the day, so sees the consequences of such reckless behaviour every day.

I like your expression 'covidiot' btw, sums it up.

Keyworker doesn't mean frontline NHS wearing PPE. It covers hundreds of jobs.

Point taken. But whatever the job, surely the fact that he has to wear PPE must make the pandemic more real? Obviously not.

That's the point. Unless he's frontline NHS he won't be wearing PPE. Keyworkers can be supermarket staff, bin men, working in banking....hundreds of other roles

'I wear PPE at work so it's fine'

I took this quote to mean that the OP's DH wears PPE at work? At any rate, maybe you could clarify what key worker job your DH does, OP?

I don't know, I'd rather have my loved ones about me than isolate from them, I'd rather run the risk of getting ill than be seperated. Are you worried that he will take the virus to the BBQ?

"I'd rather run the risk of getting ill than be seperated"

And that attitude is why this has turned into a huge pandemic.

Do you think other people are just like "whatever, if I don't see my friends and family, no big deal."

EVERYONE wants to see their loved ones. But some people seem to think their need is more important.

If you catch it and give it to a loved one and they die, would you be saying the same thing?

@FagashJackie I’m a key worker, a doctor who has done everything right when it came to covid. And have woken up unwell this morning with a fever and feeling horrific. This virus is incredibly infectious and I am now feeling absolutely horrific that I might have passed it to someone else despite doing everything I can and self isolating apart from when at work.

It is attitudes like yours that lead to the spread of this. That lead to more people in hospital, more people in intensive care and more people dying. People who don’t follow the rules are responsible for that.

loveislovely well said

No what I'm saying is don't get rid of the husband. I'd let my husband come home at any time. We've seen a friend die alone this week, maybe not of the virus but I'd rather have my loved ones about me.

I'm not denying that the virus is contagious or dangerous. I was just saying I'd rather have my husband with me, whether he's ill or not.

Read what I wrote. Don't be numpties. I can see how you misread it actually. A lot of posts were don't let the DH come home. I would let him come home. When I said loved ones that doesn't extend to the others.

I hope I've clarified what I meant. I'd still have my dh home regardless. That's all.

Regardless of whether you're going to catch it, you'd rather have your dh home after his bbq. If you were hospitalised with it then they wouldn't let him go with you.

Op, it's amazingly stupid that your dh, who should know all the risks is doing this

No what I'm saying is don't get rid of the husband. I'd let my husband come home at any time. We've seen a friend die alone this week, maybe not of the virus but I'd rather have my loved ones about me

You are massively missing the point here. She risks losing her loved ones if he comes home infected and passes it on to her or their children ( God forbid, OP).

@countbackfromten So sorry to hear you are feeling unwell. Do you have ibuprofen etc to hand? Stay in bed and hope you feel better soon.