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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was wrong to say this to my neighbour - feel sad that they are now talking to me.

124 replies

Somethingsosimple · 09/04/2020 11:41

A couple of weeks ago the sun shone for the first time in weeks and I was planning to dry washing and be outside with my son as he had a inset day. Then we looked out of the open window to the sky full of smoke and bits of ash falling and covering all our cars and drive way. I decided to ask my neighbour politely how long she was planning to have a bonfire. It was 10 in the morning. She said all day which I said I was disappointed about as was pleased to be able to be in the garden. Her husband came out and said oh sorry maybe we could finish at lunchtime to which his wife looked furious. I politely turned and said I would leave them up discuss. The husband knocked on my door a short time later a said they would finish at lunch time a dvi thanked him. I have since seen the wife since who said I had massively inconvenienced them and has since ignored me. I’m feeling really sad as we have been friendly before this and I hate falling out. Should I have kept my mouth shut?

OP posts:

Idontbelieveit12 · 09/04/2020 11:42

No I don’t think so, I think you were perfectly reasonable

Paddingtonthebear · 09/04/2020 11:43

Your neighbour is being a petty dick. I wouldn’t give a toss if she was ignoring me. Home bonfires are massively antisocial.

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 09/04/2020 11:44

No, she's ignorant and selfish.

Clearly, if she still feels she is in the right weeks later, you're not going to miss out on her "friendship".

Thankfully the husband seems to have manners and common sense so maybe he'll talk some sense into her.

Iamthewombat · 09/04/2020 11:45

If not this, they would have found something else to fall out with you over. They sound the type.

NOTANUM · 09/04/2020 11:46

A bonfire?? What on earth do they need a bonfire for?
Because, y'know, the emergency services aren't busy at the moment at all

ifellintoarabbithole · 09/04/2020 11:49

No, you did the right thing. Your neighbour was being VVU to have a bonfire a.) At 10am and b.) On the first sunny day in a while and c.) against current council advice (in my area anyway) due to exacerbating breathing difficulties.

It sounds like you dealt with it very politely. Probably more politely than most people would have been! She sounds like an idiot.

sonjadog · 09/04/2020 11:50

No, you were reasonable. If she is the type to fall out over this, then it would have been something else in the future. The great thing about people giving you the silent treatment is that they don't bother you at all. I used to have a neighbour who did this to me when I displeased her in some way. I embraced it as a relief from listening to her whining. Made me realize that the silent treatment only works if the other person actually wants to talk to you.

moolady1977 · 09/04/2020 11:55

You were reasonable my parents neighbours on both sides have been lighting fires at 4 in the afternoon my dad suffers from COPD has the windows open and his bedroom window for the air now he is having to close them otherwise he struggles to breath

formerbabe · 09/04/2020 11:57

They were taking the piss. I wouldn't spare them a second though. Who cares if their neighbours talk to them or not?

forgetthehousework · 09/04/2020 11:58

No, not unreasonable at all. I write as someone who has a load of paperwork to burn and I am not going to do it while the sun is shining and neighbours may want to be outside, yes it's inconvenient but I wouldn't do it normally let alone when nerves are stretched.

Likefootball · 09/04/2020 12:02

Did they really need to have a bonfire at all ?
Bonfires are a pain without making it an all day event. YANBU.

NailsNeedDoing · 09/04/2020 12:04

Silly woman. What makes her think her inconveniences are more important to avoid than yours?

I’m another that has a lot of paperwork that has to be burned, genuinely no other option for it, but I’ll do it when it’s not going to be a pain in the arse for neighbours.

perniciousdot · 09/04/2020 12:05

I’m feeling really sad as we have been friendly before this and I hate falling out

Anyone dick enough to have a completely unnecessary bonfire in their garden isn't worth being friends with anyway. My neighbours do it about once a week. Idiots.

Cannybluff · 09/04/2020 12:05

Definitely you reacted kindly.. she didn't... even her chap knew she was being unreasonable

sobeyondthehills · 09/04/2020 12:05

My council have been sending out messages telling people not to light bonfires due to COVID19.

I think they are going to try and ban them in my area soon, maybe your council has the same sort of thing

Fullyhuman · 09/04/2020 12:05

Forgetthehousework if you soak your paperwork in water - just water usually works but if not then with a tiny bit of bleach - all the ink comes off so you might not need to burn it?

MamaBearLockdown · 09/04/2020 12:10

I’m another that has a lot of paperwork that has to be burned, genuinely no other option for it
you could just buy a shredder and add a bag at a time to your normal rubbish.

You can even buy cross-shredders these days!

OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe · 09/04/2020 12:11

@forgetthehousework can’t you buy a shredder then recycle the shreds?

Durgasarrow · 09/04/2020 12:13

Is this a normal custom? Burning paperwork outdoors?

bringincrazyback · 09/04/2020 12:15

YANBU, she's being an entitled dick.

ACertainSupermarket · 09/04/2020 12:15

I understand bonfires annoy people. but also I do need to have them on my large vegetable garden sometimes. I try to do it when it has been dry but looks like rain is due, so that people won't have their washing out iyswim. No-one has ever complained, but if they did I certainly wouldn't be so rude as to insist I has to do it all day. CF woman and better-mannered man.

ACertainSupermarket · 09/04/2020 12:17

My council have been sending out messages telling people not to light bonfires due to COVID19.
I don't understand. How can bonfires and covid be related?

MamaGee09 · 09/04/2020 12:17

We used to have one neighbour who would burn his rubbish every single sunny day! It was ridiculous, you would just be getting comfy in the sun or just hung a washing out and he would toddle out!

Not on, thankfully he moved!

Toilenstripes · 09/04/2020 12:20

Many councils are banning bonfires to help protect the respiratory health of citizens. I personally hate them.

MamaBearLockdown · 09/04/2020 12:21

I don't understand. How can bonfires and covid be related?

Apart from people being stuck at home already, and now having to shut all their windows when they could at least get some fresh air?

Apart from people having trouble BREATHING and who really need smoke to help them out?

Why do you think?

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