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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was wrong to say this to my neighbour - feel sad that they are now talking to me.

124 replies

Somethingsosimple · 09/04/2020 11:41

A couple of weeks ago the sun shone for the first time in weeks and I was planning to dry washing and be outside with my son as he had a inset day. Then we looked out of the open window to the sky full of smoke and bits of ash falling and covering all our cars and drive way. I decided to ask my neighbour politely how long she was planning to have a bonfire. It was 10 in the morning. She said all day which I said I was disappointed about as was pleased to be able to be in the garden. Her husband came out and said oh sorry maybe we could finish at lunchtime to which his wife looked furious. I politely turned and said I would leave them up discuss. The husband knocked on my door a short time later a said they would finish at lunch time a dvi thanked him. I have since seen the wife since who said I had massively inconvenienced them and has since ignored me. I’m feeling really sad as we have been friendly before this and I hate falling out. Should I have kept my mouth shut?

OP posts:
MamaBearLockdown · 09/04/2020 12:22

Report any bonfire as a nuisance, people need to be fined to understand they are not allowed at the moment. And should be banned full stop, but one thing at a time.

Kordelia · 09/04/2020 12:22

I don't understand. How can bonfires and covid be related?

If you're self-isolating you're advised to have windows open for a flow of fresh air.

People with a mild case of the virus might be at home and their breathing will be affected by bonfire smoke.

Whataroyalannoyance · 09/04/2020 12:22

they were being arseholes, you have nothing to worry about.

needsahouseboy · 09/04/2020 12:23

I always thought you weren't supposed to have bonfires during the day. Have I imagined that?

Bloody selfish if you ask me.

Umnoway · 09/04/2020 12:23

YANBU at all. A bonfire in the evening when most people are indoors so not really disrupted by it is fine but one that starts in the morning and lasts all day?! Ridiculous.

sobeyondthehills · 09/04/2020 12:26

I don't understand. How can bonfires and covid be related?

From what I gather its because its a respiratory virus, also because more people are staying at home, particularly those with Asthma, COPD, Bronchitis etc and therefore completely self isolating, so getting food and things bought to them, the garden maybe their only exercise and a bonfire could trigger any of that off, especially worse if they have any COVID19 symptoms and just want a window open

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 09/04/2020 12:26

Is this a normal custom? Burning paperwork outdoors?

I certainly don’t know anyone who does!

I don’t have much confidential post but I have a small shredder for anything that does need shredding. Totally unnecessary to burn paperwork... shred it and add to recycling...

forgetthehousework · 09/04/2020 12:27

Thank you Fullyhuman and OnlyJudy, I will certainly try the water and bleach method but wanted to avoid a shredder as I'd still have the paper to get rid of even if in an illegible form Smile.

BigFatLiar · 09/04/2020 12:27

Check your council web site and see if there are restrictions on bonfires and burning rubbish.

andhessixfeetten · 09/04/2020 12:28

I have that neighbour..."her best strategy is to blame the victim" as Glenn Close said in Damages....

rjebgf · 09/04/2020 12:30

We aren’t allowed bonfires. I am shocked people still do it.

LuckyLuckyWoman · 09/04/2020 12:30

Absolutely not.

Someone around here loves to have a fire, generally as soon as the weather turns nice and folk want to hang washing, enjoy the sunshine etc

Apparently he doesn't want to stand out in the rain to burn his rubbish!

RichardMarxisinnocent · 09/04/2020 12:37

Thank you Fullyhuman and OnlyJudy, I will certainly try the water and bleach method but wanted to avoid a shredder as I'd still have the paper to get rid of even if in an illegible form smile.

Is it not possible to just put it in the recycling bin after shredding? That's what I do with any confidential paperwork, it would literally never occur to me to burn it (plus I am fire phobic so wouldn't be able to bring myself to light a fire anyway)

Tayt · 09/04/2020 12:37

YANBU the wife is an anti social fucker

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 09/04/2020 12:40

No-one ever NEEDS to have a bonfire. She sounds like the sort of person who takes offence easily and rather enjoys it.

Starlet29 · 09/04/2020 12:42

Bonfires shouldn’t really happen in a residential area anyway. YANBU. We had a large amount of garden waste to get rid of (a while ago) mil suggested we burnt it but we just couldn’t do it to our neighbours around here so paid someone to collect it and take it to the tip.

blue25 · 09/04/2020 12:47

Bonfires are incredibly antisocial and selfish. They are just not necessary.

coconuttelegraph · 09/04/2020 12:47

This is like the bank thread yesterday, the bonfire was before the lockdown!

can’t you buy a shredder then recycle the shreds?

If you are going to do this check with your local council, mine doesn't allow shredded paper in the recycling, I think it jams their machines or something

GrolliffetheDragon · 09/04/2020 12:52

If you are going to do this check with your local council, mine doesn't allow shredded paper in the recycling, I think it jams their machines or something

This. We can't either, has to go in our already overfull black bags. I'm so glad the limit has been increased temporarily!

DarkDarkNight · 09/04/2020 12:52

She was massively inconveniencing the whole neighbourhood, incredibly selfish behaviour on her part. You and her husband behaved like grownups.

Floobydoodoo · 09/04/2020 12:54

YANBU - she was, massively.

Second day of lockdown someone lit a bonfire here. It was sunny, my washing was on the line and the dc refused to go in the garden as it was so smoky.

I asked him how long it was going to be and he immediately apologised, said he realised it was a bad day to do it & that he’d put it out straight away and wait til a damp / cloudy day. Which is exactly what he did.

And has since seen me clearing my garden & offered to take any wood to burn for us on the next cloudy etc day.

That’s being neighbourly.

brachiosaurusdance · 09/04/2020 12:57

Nope, can’t stand bonfire wankers. Unless it’s on a rainy shitty overcast day, it’s incredibly selfish to have a bonfire and inflict constant smoke and ash on your neighbours.

MamaBearLockdown · 09/04/2020 12:58

currently bonfires are not acceptable even on rainy days.

People are still allowed to open a window when it rains!

Runnerduck34 · 09/04/2020 12:59

I can see why you feel sad, but honestly you did nothing wrong, she might be frustrated she couldn't get rid of all the rubbish and you were frustrated when you couldnt hang out your washing, you reached a compromise, I suspect shes more annoyed with her dh but is taking it out on you. Hopefully it will blow over ( excuse the pun😄)

WeAllHaveWings · 09/04/2020 13:10

I’m another that has a lot of paperwork that has to be burned, genuinely no other option for it

There are lots of options for it. You are just choosing the one most selfish, antisocial one that is convenient to you.

You can cross shred and put in your bin/take to tip
You can soak/bleach as someone suggest above
If highly confidential there are secure disposal services.

There is absolutely no need for anyone to be burning rubbish any time, and especially now when we are in the middle of a respiratory disease pandemic.

OP don't worry about pissing off your neighbour by politely asking. She is way out of order, be confident you did the right thing - I expect her dh knows this already.

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