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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Need advice for my son

136 replies

Hoarder123 · 08/04/2020 11:03

My son who normally lives with us has moved out to stay with a friend as my husband is a “shielded” person. He was terrified that he would catch Coronavirus and pass it on to his dad, knowing this would probably be fatal. Unfortunately his friend started showing symptoms 2 days after he moved in, therefore he has had to isolate for 14 days, which are now up.
He normally works shifts in a factory that is open 24 hours a day 5 days a week.

Due to the Coronavirus the person who gives him a list is refusing to take him to work, which is fair enough as he obviously wants to minimise his risk. When he can’t get a lift by this person he normally gets the bus or his dad takes him back and forward.

The issue now is the buses that, time wise, would normally be able to take him back and forward are cancelled. His shifts are 10pm-6am, 6am-2pm and 2pm-10pm.There are no buses he could get to work around these shifts as earliest either way is 9am and latest 6pm. His dad is his backup if he can’t get the bus or a lift. Obviously with his dad at such significant risk, him taking him is not possible.

The response from the company he works for is that it is his responsibility to get to work, end of story! They have put him as AWOL and told him he won’t get paid anything. He will also probably lose his job over this.

Is he being unreasonable in not being at work, because he can’t get, unless he walks the 5 miles there and back? Any advice gratefully appreciated.

OP posts:

CalleighDoodle · 08/04/2020 11:18

Oh yes electric bike! Like on the apprentice.

I mean, come on op. It isn't just now he can’t get to work. He was always relying on other people’s kindness to get to work. It is absolutely time he worked out how to get himself to work.

AnyFucker · 08/04/2020 11:18

ACL repair at least 5 months ago ?

He can cycle

Original poster

Hoarder123 · 08/04/2020 11:20

For those saying cycle, he is recovering from an ACL repair. He still can’t cycle that far. I know he should learn to drive, but hasn’t as still saving up for lessons. No taxis.

OP posts:

horlicksbabe · 08/04/2020 11:20

He had an ACL repair last year and can’t cycle that far.

How long ago was it? Not doubting you but he needs to speak to somebody about that, I had one and while there was a delay in getting back to sport it was about six months after weekly physio sessions. I hope he's recovering well.

Spasiba · 08/04/2020 11:20

No chance of furlough?

Paintforkitchen · 08/04/2020 11:21

Sorry but I agree it’s not his employers problem how he gets to work. Do you think they should be paying him for not coming in when he’s perfectly healthy and able to work?
He will have to walk, cycle or taxi, or accept that he won’t get paid. I’m assuming he can’t drive but if he can could he use your car?

Original poster

Hoarder123 · 08/04/2020 11:22

I agree about cycling being part of the physio and he got a spin bike to build his ligament up. It’s still not strong enough to manage the hills on the journey.

OP posts:

Sazquatch · 08/04/2020 11:25

OP, I’m sorry but you really are making excuses for him. If he can’t cycle up the hills he could get off and push for the hilly bits? How old is he? You make him sound like a helpless child.

LetsSplashMummy · 08/04/2020 11:29

He needs an electric bike, great for hills!

CalleighDoodle · 08/04/2020 11:29

You make him sound like a helpless child.

I can imagine the posts from his future wife about her husband and his mother already

Original poster

Hoarder123 · 08/04/2020 11:30

He isn’t expecting to stay at home on full pay. He has offered to work around the bus times. The only other option is that I drive him, but that’s not ideal as obviously I am in lockdown with his dad and haven’t been out for 3 weeks. If his dad gets this virus he will almost certainly die, he has been told that he wouldn’t be ventilated, due to multiple comorbidities.

OP posts:

PlanetoftheWood · 08/04/2020 11:37

Walking is also an option. Its only 5 miles.

Original poster

Hoarder123 · 08/04/2020 11:37

Yes he was getting to work mainly by the kindness of others (he paid for lifts), but when he couldn’t get a lift he got the bus. The buses and local taxis are cancelled because of Coronavirus. Maybe I am making excuses, but it is just one more thing to worry about. If he can’t pay his friend ‘dig’ money he will have to come home, risking my husband’s life (and no, I’m not making a bigger deal about this than it is, my husband is a transplant patient with stage 4 renal failure, has been in and out of hospital over the last 2 years with respiratory infections and in remission from cancer)

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/04/2020 11:42

It should take him an hour and 20 mins to walk it. I imagine the person, who was giving him lifts will see he’s fine in a couple of weeks and allow him to go in the car again.

Hoarder123 · 08/04/2020 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gamble66 · 08/04/2020 11:46

You say no taxis but have you really ring around and asked all local companies seeking if they want a steady contract including the companies that used to do school runs ?

HippoPudgy · 08/04/2020 11:47

How old is your son OP, a few people have asked but you aren't replying? You also said he had the repair "last year", when was that? A huge difference between possibly 3 months ago and 15... It's a difficult situation but it really isn't his employer's problem how he gets to work although some attempt to let him work around the bus timetables would have been nice. Why can't he walk? Five miles would only take him about an hour despite his ACL, or as someone else suggested, he could cycle part of the way and push the bike up the hill. Taxis will also come to rural areas... I'm afraid you do seem to be trying to make excuses for him.

WingBingo · 08/04/2020 11:52

I’m afraid it sounds like you are making excuses for him.

If he is desperate, he can walk.

CalleighDoodle · 08/04/2020 11:53

That reply doesn't make the situation sound better tbh.

he has been my rock to lean on
Why is your child your rock? That is absolutely the wrong parent / child dynamic.

If he is an adult he needs to get himself to work.
If he is a child, keep him home.

You dont seem sure what he is.

BigChocFrenzy · 08/04/2020 11:55

It would be nice of his employer to change his shifts, but they may not be able to

His transport problems are due mostly to his earlier choices and are not his employer's responsibility

It was always a bad idea relying on someone else to take him for work, whether family or friend,
because even befoe COVID they could be unable to take him if they became ill, moved away, lost their licence etc

If a mix of walking and cycling is physically possible
and there are genuinely no taxis
then
he'll just have to take the bus and wait even 3 hours at work until his shift starts

that's shit, but better than losing his job atm

BigChocFrenzy · 08/04/2020 11:57

Can't he work & cycle even if he takes it slowly ?
A 2-hour walk each way is boring, but better than being unemployed

Original poster

Hoarder123 · 08/04/2020 11:58

@Mummyoflittledragon
I imagine the person, who was giving him lifts will see he’s fine in a couple of weeks and allow him to go in the car again.
Unfortunately that isn’t going to happen. He was in isolation for the last 14 days, so hasn’t got the Corona Virus, but the person still won’t give him a lift as he doesn’t want to increase his risk, which I certainly don’t blame him for. Just didn’t think that buses would be cancelled (had too many other worries over the last 3 weeks).

There are only 2 taxi companies in our area, neither will take him at the times he needs.

OP posts:

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 08/04/2020 11:58

OP ignore them, you're just a mum trying to help their son.

Some of the replies are as though the world is normal out there
"Get a taxi, get driving lessons, cycle despite the ACL repair, the employer isn't U."

Ok so the employer isn't unreasonable needed him in but the also aren't being very accommodating despite him offering different hours to suit the bus time table.

What time does he start and what time to the buses start?
Is there a very early bus he can get, even if it means him waiting around for an hour or two before work?

19lottie82 · 08/04/2020 12:03

There are no taxis? At all? I find that hard to believe.

OlaEliza · 08/04/2020 12:06

Can he get in electric bike or scooter, or a little vespa thing that people without licences are allowed to drive?

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