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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner playing playstation

92 replies

Amibeinganarse · 07/04/2020 19:04

I want to see I’m being fair. I currently live with my fiancé. He is using this lockdown to play his play station, fair enough.

However he plays it for hours and hours on end. He’s been on it now since 1pm and this has happened a lot of days during the lockdown. He gets up, works out and then plays his PlayStation until the evening.
The thing is I’m getting lonely. It’s just us so I’ve asked him to spend some time with me.

He did last week however it’s never really longer than an hour unless we are watching a film. He also starting making out that going for a walk with me is a treat because he’s decided he doesn’t like walking.
Also the last two days he seems to be reverting back to marathon PlayStation sessions all day.

AIBU to be getting extremely pissed off especially since the PlayStation is currently parked in the living room and I can’t watch anything. I don’t mind him being on it sometimes, it’s just it feels endless!

We have had arguments in the past about him not wanting to spend time together, this just seems to have heightened what I’m feeling.

OP posts:

ShadowLightning · 07/04/2020 19:11

I think it’s tough for both of you to be honest - under normal circumstances it would be a dealbreaker for me but at the moment I’d be a bit more tolerant of it and leave him be and do your own things. Adjusting to two people working everyday and coming together in the evenings to be around each other all the time with nowhere to go it hard. You’ll find very soon that you don’t have much to say if you aren’t doing your own things.

However, I would say that you set times where you spend time together - so do your own thing in working hours, but take breakfast and lunch together and then get back together in the evening.

On the other hand though, you do mention you’ve had arguments about this in the past - does he do the same thing at weekends?

Sharpandshineyteeth · 07/04/2020 19:15

That’s his priority. Playing a game, not spending time with you. Whatever you do, arguments, bargaining, whatever, won’t change that because ultimately it’s what he wants to do.

It’s just so crappy isn’t it because there is so much more you can get done in a day. But he doesn’t want to. That’s the end really

life2day · 07/04/2020 19:23

My other half is using this time to get fit. He wakes up and comes down about 930. Goes to gym in garage till 1130. Then has a bath and then come down for lunch at 1.30I forgot to mention I have 2 kids. I am actually working at home in my job.
I have to home school, clean and cook as well. Dinner on the table for everyone and tidy up. Response at the end of the day from him.. I feel tired.

Cherrysoup · 07/04/2020 19:29

Fucking hell, @life2day I actually think I’d kill him. His kids? Wh6 are you doing everything? Drop the cooking, minimum, tell him that’s his job from now on.

TheWordmeister · 07/04/2020 19:35

I honestly do not know an adult that plays on a PlayStation or Xbox unless it's with their kids. It's not very adult is it?

Complete turn-off.

Lllot5 · 07/04/2020 19:37

Thing is he could be doing anything, playing on his PlayStation is just an excuse so he doesn’t have to spend time with you. Massive problem going forwards I think.

KaptenKrusty · 07/04/2020 19:39

Loads of adults play PlayStation? I go myself and so does my husband! We play together and both have our own games as well ! I don’t see the problem? But guess if your not into it - could be annoying that the other person is on it all the time !

madcatladyforever · 07/04/2020 19:39

For gods sake dump him. There is nothing worse than an adult sized teenager obsessed with gaming. It will always be his priority not you.

BubblyBarbara · 07/04/2020 19:42

It's not very adult is it?

Must be fun in your house listening to Radio 4 all day while reading Shakespeare

Stet · 07/04/2020 19:42

Ha I'm sitting here while me and DH play the PS4 together But the issue is that he's doing it solo and ignoring you and also hogging the TV, which is just selfish, so YANBU to be peeved. We do some gaming separately but we also do a lot together as we both enjoy it. But we have a gaming room so the main TV is free for whoever wants to watch it!

NotACleverName · 07/04/2020 19:42

I honestly do not know an adult that plays on a PlayStation or Xbox unless it's with their kids. It's not very adult is it?

Not this fucking bullshit again.

Can we get an approved MN list of Acceptable Hobbies For Adults? Presumably it includes, but is not limited to, knocking back gin by the gallon and complaining about the neighbours.

TheFutureMrsHardy · 07/04/2020 19:46

Oh, another manchild post. I can't think of anything that would have me sprinting out the door quicker. A grown man playing games??! Grim.

It's a really simple conversation to have with him, OP - he ditches the kids toy or he ditches you. What is his choice?

ZoeandChandon · 07/04/2020 19:47

Sounds like you have a child, not a partner.

ShadowLightning · 07/04/2020 19:49

he ditches the kids toy or he ditches you.

An awful lot of games are 18+. It’s a bit horrifying seeing what some posters will let their kids do and play.

Or presumably you wouldn’t let them play those games. Who else could they be for, I wonder?

Slith · 07/04/2020 19:49

I honestly do not know an adult that plays on a PlayStation or Xbox unless it's with their kids. It's not very adult is it?

I'm not sure where you're getting your data from but that's just not true. The UK gaming industry is as big as film and music combined, with the majority being adults.

Pinkblueberry · 07/04/2020 19:52

I honestly do not know an adult that plays on a PlayStation or Xbox unless it's with their kids. It's not very adult is it?

Tell that to the gaming industry earning billions - selling plenty of games definitely not suitable to play with children, how do you think they’re making money off them?

OP I appreciate you must feel lonely, but I think at the moment the more you insist on spending time together when you’re actually stuck together in a house all day already the more he’s going to resist. I would ignore him - find something for you that you can engross yourself in, and maybe start the day tomorrow by putting on a really long film that he has no interest in. Him hogging the tv all day is not fair - I wonder if you’re actually just bored rather than lonely.

vanillandhoney · 07/04/2020 19:54

I don't see a problem. DH and I spend a few hours together each morning walking the dog and having breakfast, but typically we spend most of the day apart just to have some space.

If we were both working, we wouldn't see each other all day. If we were on a genuine holiday, we'd be going out and doing things out of doors - going to the pub, going for meals, exploring new places.

At the moment we're stuck indoors for about 22-23 hours a day. We need space and time to do our own thing our our relationship will implode.

BrooHaHa · 07/04/2020 19:54

Must be fun in your house listening to Radio 4 all day while reading Shakespeare

A grown man playing games??! Grim.

They're not just for kids anymore. Not that they have been for a while- trivial pursuit is a game, as are chess, poker and football. There are lots of different types of game and they suit different ages of player. Some suit many different ages.

Sorry for the derail, OP. I'd put it in terms of TV time- you each get half. It's a bit of a red flag that he's not aware of the unfairness of monopolising the TV though- DH will always ask if I want the TV and will automatically turn off whatever he is playing shortly after I sit down. I've never had to have words about it.

aSofaNearYou · 07/04/2020 19:56

It is selfish of him to do it every day, and particularly if he's taking up the tv, I would point that out as you should get to use it too, especially at a time like this. The best thing you could do is get into a game together, though, it's honestly a very effective way of occupying yourself.

Bagelsandbrie · 07/04/2020 19:59

Well if you don’t have children with him now definitely don’t in the future as he will still be like this and you’ll be the one doing all the childcare.

It sounds crap really. I don’t think it matters that it’s gaming - it could literally be any hobby- he just puts that above everything else. My dh has a PS4 and plays for an hour or so an evening but he wouldn’t dream of spending the whole day on it.

Wolfiefan · 07/04/2020 19:59

Playing on it all day is rubbish.
And hogging the TV and living room is selfish.
I would be rethinking the engagement TBH.

motherheroic · 07/04/2020 20:00

Here comes the 'games are for children' crew. Even though there are plenty of games out there that are made by incredibly talented artists, writers and animators.

Anyway it's not the gaming, it's his lack of prioritisation. He is taking over the TV and ignoring you. Have you only been living there since the quarantine or was he like this before the quarantine?

CherryPavlova · 07/04/2020 20:03

I’d think very carefully about committing in marriage to someone quite so indolent. If he’s that lacking in self motivation and communication skills now, it won’t get any better.
Stop being his housekeeper until he takes a degree of responsibility.
Maybe plan in activities you can do together rather than suggesting something as vague as ‘being with you’.

Inituntiltheend · 07/04/2020 20:12

I don’t think the problem Is necessarily what he is doing (in this case playing PlayStation) but that he isn’t taken your feelings into consideration - end of the day if he was reading or doing a jigsaw for that length of time would still be irritating. I personally wouldn’t be happy with that set up...my partner and I have hobbies together and seperate have you any hobbies you can do together ? How long are you going out?

TheHonestTruth100 · 07/04/2020 20:33

I honestly do not know an adult that plays on a PlayStation or Xbox unless it's with their kids. It's not very adult is it?

I guess I'm a child then? 😂
Honestly where do people get stupid stuff like that from.

OP in response to you, I like to play games too but still feel like it's unfair it he's doing it all day every day in this situation. You're not unreasonable to ask him to spend more time with you. It's a trying time and I can understand the appeal of playing a game for hours and let the day waste away in these circumstances. Still not fair on you though x

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