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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner playing playstation

92 replies

Amibeinganarse · 07/04/2020 19:04

I want to see I’m being fair. I currently live with my fiancé. He is using this lockdown to play his play station, fair enough.

However he plays it for hours and hours on end. He’s been on it now since 1pm and this has happened a lot of days during the lockdown. He gets up, works out and then plays his PlayStation until the evening.
The thing is I’m getting lonely. It’s just us so I’ve asked him to spend some time with me.

He did last week however it’s never really longer than an hour unless we are watching a film. He also starting making out that going for a walk with me is a treat because he’s decided he doesn’t like walking.
Also the last two days he seems to be reverting back to marathon PlayStation sessions all day.

AIBU to be getting extremely pissed off especially since the PlayStation is currently parked in the living room and I can’t watch anything. I don’t mind him being on it sometimes, it’s just it feels endless!

We have had arguments in the past about him not wanting to spend time together, this just seems to have heightened what I’m feeling.

OP posts:

PapayaCoconut · 08/04/2020 04:35

I've had two exes like this. I remember the feeling of being invisible, watching a guy shouting into a headset, staring at a screen completely transfixed, the game controller in a spasmodic, sweaty grip, completely oblivious to the real world. It really becomes an addiction for some. And if he's on it due that long, it probably is for him. There's nothing you can do about this if he doesn't want to stop.

To top it all off he's hogging your shared living space and your shared TV all day and thinks spending time together with you is a "treat" for you (and a chore for him).

hettie · 08/04/2020 07:52

It diosent matter what his hobby is, gaming, model areroplanes, suduko, weight lifting golf....What matters is what he prioritises and how much time/importance he places on the relationship with the hobby versus you. Workaholics, golf nuts, men who have affairs they are all behaviours that stop partners spending quality emotionally intimate time with their other half. If he doesn't want yo change and ring talk about why is be wondering why I wanted to be emotionally intimate with him....

SnoozyLou · 08/04/2020 09:41

What else would you call this kind of compulsive behaviour then?

A hobby.

Runnerduck34 · 08/04/2020 10:29

Yanbu to be pissed off,he's behaving like a teenager not a grown man. PlayStation aside any hobby that he does for 6+ hours a day is self absorbed.
If it also involes hogging the lounge/ tv its downright selfish.
You need to talk to him , see if you can suggest something to do together,a project in house/ garden, a walk , a film and if that doesnt work get in there first with a box set of something he hates and refuse to budge and see if he likes lounge/ tv being taken over for hours on end 🤣

Ragwort · 08/04/2020 10:35

Agree with others, it doesn’t matter what the hobby is, but it does sound as though he is totally putting his own ‘entertainment’ first and not sharing the tv, main room etc.

I think if anything good has come out of this situation, then it will show you that you are just not compatible.

My DH and I have many separate hobbies and interests, but we don’t assume that our own enjoyment is more important than sharing communal areas in the home.

Personally, I wouldn’t be attracted to someone who was into gaming but I fully appreciate that many people would not be attracted to someone who enjoys the sort of hobbies that I do - and surely there’s nothing wrong with admitting that? We are attracted to like minded people, so long as we don’t sneer at other people’s choices.

clareOclareO · 08/04/2020 10:35

Try to get interested in his hobby. Are there any multiplayer games he will play with you? Clearly gaming is his main interest. It's good to have different interests to your partner, but at the same time it's sensible to at least be open to trying them yourself.

What do you want to do with your "alone time" with him? Have you got an interest you can share with him?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 08/04/2020 11:14

Gaming aint the problem, its the hogging TV and ensuring everyone else is bored.

I'm a game playing woman-child, does that mean I dont have to work anymore, because I need more playing and writing time?

Playing Mass Effect: Andromeda.

PapayaCoconut · 08/04/2020 13:16

Try to get interested in his hobby.

Yes, little woman. Force yourself to feign interest in his obsession.

Would any man ever do this for a girlfriend who was constantly ignoring him in favour of, I don't know, going to fashion shows or something?

No they would not.

PapayaCoconut · 08/04/2020 13:18

What do you want to do with your "alone time" with him?

Are you saying that she needs to offer him some kind of entertainment in order to entice him to be present in the real world and, you know, talk to get once in a while, instead of staring into a fake universe on a screen? What are you going to suggest next? Sexy underwear?

Macncheeseballs · 08/04/2020 13:24

Gaming is the problem. Its addictive. It gives the brain a dopamine hit. Not sure making model ships does the same

KnockDownNinja · 08/04/2020 13:54

Gaming is the problem. Its addictive. It gives the brain a dopamine hit. Not sure making model ships does the same hmm

You wouldn't enjoy anything that didn't give you a dopamine hit. Even masochists are doing for a dopamine hit.

To OP, get another TV and put it on your bedroom or something so he can play games there and you can watch TV. Get yourself a hobby so you're less reliant on him for entertainment.

ocarinan · 08/04/2020 15:16

Gaming is the problem. Its addictive. It gives the brain a dopamine hit. Not sure making model ships does the same hmm

And yet millions of people manage to do it without a problem.

pocketem · 08/04/2020 15:23

Gaming is the problem. Its addictive. It gives the brain a dopamine hit.

Anything enjoyable gives the brain a dopamine hit. You're getting a dopamine hit from sitting on Mumsnet posting

Guyonhere1 · 08/04/2020 15:36

He’ll get bored of the games soon

Macncheeseballs · 08/04/2020 16:20

Haha yes but mumsnet doesn't have 'levelling up' and unlocking new features, aspects of gaming designed to make it so addictive. But thanks for responding to me. That gave me a big dopamine hit

ocarinan · 08/04/2020 22:40

Maybe getting a reply on mumsnet gives you more dopamine than getting a new chair in animal crossing or whatever. Is mumsnet a problem?

psychomath · 08/04/2020 23:44

My ex was really into gaming and I couldn't care less about it. I used to sit in the same room with him and do my own hobbies, or sometimes watch him play and/or ask questions about the story etc. If you don't already do those things then you could try - you might be surprised by how much it makes you feel like a part of what he's doing even if you're not participating.

It sounds like you have different expectations for your relationship tbh. He probably feels like you are spending a lot of time together at the moment because you're in the house together all the time, whereas you don't because he's not engaging with you in a meaningful way. People need different amounts of social interaction to feel fulfilled, and some people need more alone time than others. I've been on both sides of that and it doesn't necessarily say anything about his feelings for you, it could just be that he's less social in general.

I echo PPs' questions about what kinds of things you'd like for the two of you to do together. It's not a question of you being obliged to entertain him, but if someone specifically wanted me to cut back on a hobby to spend more time with them then I would be expecting that they'd suggest some sort of alternative - in general I love just chatting to people, but if we were together all the time I'm not sure you'd get more than about an hour of decent conversation out of me per day, especially at the moment when no-one's doing much. Do you have any hobbies that you both like?

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