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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner playing playstation

92 replies

Amibeinganarse · 07/04/2020 19:04

I want to see I’m being fair. I currently live with my fiancé. He is using this lockdown to play his play station, fair enough.

However he plays it for hours and hours on end. He’s been on it now since 1pm and this has happened a lot of days during the lockdown. He gets up, works out and then plays his PlayStation until the evening.
The thing is I’m getting lonely. It’s just us so I’ve asked him to spend some time with me.

He did last week however it’s never really longer than an hour unless we are watching a film. He also starting making out that going for a walk with me is a treat because he’s decided he doesn’t like walking.
Also the last two days he seems to be reverting back to marathon PlayStation sessions all day.

AIBU to be getting extremely pissed off especially since the PlayStation is currently parked in the living room and I can’t watch anything. I don’t mind him being on it sometimes, it’s just it feels endless!

We have had arguments in the past about him not wanting to spend time together, this just seems to have heightened what I’m feeling.

OP posts:
OoohTheStatsDontLie · 07/04/2020 20:40

I dont see why there is a debate around whether playstation is an acceptable pastime for a grown up. The point is OP that he now has lots of free time and doesnt want to spend it with you. Which is really hurtful and also difficult to talk about I think - if you have to keep asking, it kind of defeats the purpose of the conversation as he is then spending time with you because you've asked or he doesnt want to upset you, rather than him actively wanting to spend time with you.

So I'm not sure what you can actually do. Practically, can you book in some time together so say to him 'tonight can we have a nice meal and a drink together and sit and chat or play board games or whatever between 7 and 9'. And if there is no other tv make it clear what you are watching and when and that you expect him to have finished by then. Unfortunately you can't make someone want to see you more - you will have to leave, work harder to carve out time together, and fill your own time with hobbies and activities so that you don't notice him not being there so much and don't feel left behind

Rezie · 07/04/2020 20:48

I honestly do not know an adult that plays on a PlayStation or Xbox
My dad bought himself one as a retirement present.

Anyway, this is not about gaming. Same issue would be with books, gardening, puzzles etc. Its about him not taking your feelings into consideration. Can you have a chat and maybe come to an agreement that on x days you do something together or have a date night? Maybe alternate between who plans the activity etc.

burnoutbabe · 07/04/2020 21:14

Yeah we have this issue
So I moved my Xbox into my bedroom and cab play all day and not disturb other half
Everyone wins!

TheFutureMrsHardy · 07/04/2020 21:17

Games for grown ups Grin I've heard it all now.

Still equates to someone sitting on their arse staring gormlessly at a screen for hours on end. There is nothing that can ever be made attractive out of that. Ever.

goldenorbspider · 07/04/2020 21:18

Sharpandshineyteeth has nailed it. Sorry your post is getting derailed here. He can spend time with you but he's choosing not to.

burnoutbabe · 07/04/2020 21:21

I am currently doing a law degree. Exams cancelled and it's now 4-5 months until term starts again.
Quite what options does one have to pass the time until lockdown ends?

Stet · 07/04/2020 21:28

Luckily I don't live my life with the aim of being 'attractive' in everything I do! And it's far less gormless than watching TV as it's actually interactive, not passive Hmm

But twas ever thus on MN. Complaining about gamers while spending hours mindlessly trawling MN with the TV on in the background! Grin

Wolfiefan · 07/04/2020 21:32

It doesn’t matter that it’s gaming.
What matters is that he’s spending hours and hours doing the same thing. Obsessively and selfishly.
I watch TV and come on here. I also spend time with family and knit or crochet and read and walk the dog and clean and cook and .....

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/04/2020 21:34

The gaming in itself doesn't bother me - but the using the only tv all day would fuck me right off.

Shoxfordian · 07/04/2020 21:36

He sounds quite selfish really
Do you want to carry on begging for crumbs of his attention?

Midsommar · 07/04/2020 21:36

I'm a 30 year old woman married to a 34 year old man. We have no kids. We love the PlayStation. As do a lot of people - sorry, adults - I know.
Nothing childish about it. Do you KNOW how hard these games are!? Takes serious skill, haha Grin

Arrowfanatic · 07/04/2020 21:36

My husband can easily spend a whole day on his x-box, I dont mind as the difference is he'll continuously check if I'm ok with it and if at any stage I'm fed up he'll switch it off no problem and we'll do whatever.

I have a tv in the bedroom so if I want to watch it I'll go upstairs.

We're a gaming household though, kids all love their nintendo switch as I do too. Some of the posters making out it's wrong for adults to play video games really are just boring small minded sods arent they Grin

MrsKoala · 07/04/2020 21:43

What would you like him to do with you instead op?

I can’t think of anything other than shag and watch a film/tv that I’d do together with a partner in the house. Even before kids we did our own stuff and pottered around each other or went out.

I’d tell him I wanted the tv 50% of the time and then put stuff I wanted on.

helpmum2003 · 07/04/2020 21:43

OP he's being selfish and is possibly addicted by the sounds of it. I'd be reconsidering the relationship. He may be the type who carries on like that and is up half the night playing and if you have kids in the future carries on just the same...

Phifedean123 · 07/04/2020 21:45

My 64 year old dad play playstation and my 28 year old dp plays it too, don't really get the view that only kids play it 😬 dp only plays when the two year old is in bed though then when we have our evening together we watch Netflix or listen to music and stuff. Have you asked him to do stuff with you instead? I think they lose all track of time on these games sometimes

Iwantacookie · 07/04/2020 21:48

Sounds reasonable to me. My dp is downstairs playing xbox right now and I'm in bed with a cup of tea.
If I ask him though hell move it upstairs so I can watch tv downstairs.

Forgivenandsetfree · 07/04/2020 21:55

Can you both not compromise and perhaps play together? If you have another pad he could teach you and then you'll be spending time together and playing the Xbox. Win-win surely?

CheddarGorgeous · 07/04/2020 22:03

Playing on it all day is boring. Hogging the TV and living room is selfish.

I wouldn't marry him.

Sonichu · 07/04/2020 22:08

"Games for grown ups grin I've heard it all now.

Still equates to someone sitting on their arse staring gormlessly at a screen for hours on end. There is nothing that can ever be made attractive out of that. Ever."

Thank Christ for that, if it keeps arseholes like this away from them them I'm all for it. Time to play some more Animal Crossing, like the tragic, unlovable, UNATTRACTIVE woman-child that I am. 🙄

Hwory · 07/04/2020 22:08

Dunno about you other adults but I’ve got turnips to sell and an evil pharmaceutical company to take down 🤷‍♀️

Chinks123 · 07/04/2020 22:12

It depends what you’re willing to put up with in a relationship. I knew dp was a gamer when I met him, it became clear fairly early on he was addicted to gaming. 8 years and 2 dc later he has not changed, and I never expected him to. That’s his hobby and the only thing he likes to do. He talks to his friends on it and yes he will spend a whole day and night on it if he was left alone to do so. Literally game/eat/sleep. Is that completely unattractive and grim to some, yes. To be honest when he was unemployed and literally did sit on his arse 24/7 we split up over it.
Now he works very hard, a key worker 6 days a week. He games on the weekend. Would I prefer he spent less time on it, yes but he doesn’t drink, go to the pub, do anything else really, and is an amazing dp in every other way.

Chinks123 · 07/04/2020 22:13

Oh and he’s extremely attractive Grin

britestar · 07/04/2020 22:13

My husband would be on his playstation whenever possible if he could. The usual set up in our house would be him online in the living room while I'm not at home or if I'm in he would check with me first.It is very easy to get engrossed in the game and lose track of time,but once I had mentioned a few times the amount of time he spent playing he now checks in every so often to see if I'm alright or would like him to finish up. When we realised a lockdown was coming we set up the console and a tv in the spare room so we could have an extra living space and not be under each others feet all day every day,what has been working for us is both doing our own thing for a few hours mid afternoon.
We have also downloaded games to play together. Trivial pursuit, monopoly etc.

motherheroic · 07/04/2020 22:19

@Sonichu Do you have any apples?

pocketem · 07/04/2020 22:21

Buy another tv