To feel like never talking again to friend who’s just been telling me about her teenage dcs school work

[sunshineanddaffodils]

Feeling thoroughly depressed after talking to friend who’s dc are 13 and 15. They’re still happily doing school work this week after an energetic warm up at 9am from joe wicks. Last 2 weeks they have been busy working 7- 8hr days.
My 2 are flat refusing to do anything school related a the moment as it’s ‘Easter holidays’ They did do the work school set for the previous 2 weeks but had it all done within 3-4 hours maximum. I honestly feel utterly stressed and depressed. I was worried before about them missing school but now my stress has hit new heights

My son is doing 3-4 hrs (or so he says) but the school is upping it to 6-7 hrs a day after Easter. That would be interesting to see, they are providing so little work DS has completed the work provided for all the week in his subjects in less than 30% of the allocated time, what do they expect him to do with the other 70% I don’t have a clue.

Having said that, I have a couple of friends whose children go to grammar or private schools. One is getting a lot of work to do online, the other one is still following his usual timetable with all his classes thought over Zoom.

I know where the good grades are going this year

I could post that we did PE, maths, a scavenger hunt, cooking and phonics. In reality;

1. Started the day with PE (he ran around in the garden screaming and refusing to get dressed).
2. Maths (count the number of haribo in the packet, the haribo were a bribe given to persuade him to get dressed).
3. Scavenger hunt (he picked up various rocks and ogled at the bugs underneath).
4. Cooking (spread chocolate spread on toast).
5. Phonics (watched some weird shit with dancing letters).

By that time it was only mid morning and I seriously had to resist the urge to crack open a bottle of wine!! The rest of the day he did drawing, Lego and watching too much TV. It’s the holidays, chill.

It is the holidays now so they've got a fair point!

Also, 3-4 hours seems about right. Think how much time is taken up at school with the teacher explaining stuff, going around the class asking people to answer etc. Working on your own from a book is much faster.

Surely if it took them 3-4 hours to do the same work that took them 7-8 hours, that’s a good thing?

Can you not just be pleased for your friend that she has studious children? Why would you not want to talk to a decent friend just because her kids are doing more work than yours? That's really bad jealously!

Also why does everyone on here assume your friend is lying? Is it because your own kids are not doing very much work? Very revealing thread. Your poor friend. Some kids work hard and maybe hers are two of those admirable kids. Give her some credit and don't encourage people to say she's lying. Hope she doesn't read this thread!

Some kids just work really hard and love learning and often if you have an elder child doing this, a younger one copies. Some kids parents push them really hard and they end up working hours and hours because of this. Some kids lie and pretend to be working really hard on their laptops etc but have pop up screens and play games and trick their parents. Some kids are in lower sets and need to work hours and hours to keep up. Very difficult to tell which camp your friend’s kids might be in or if she is exaggerating. In any event, it sounds like your children have a great balance!

She is almost certainly lying OP.

And absolutely certainly chronically insecure and unhappy if she needs to validate herself by boasting about her dc to you.

Ignore, ignore, ignore, and avoid talking to her for the foreseeable if at all possible. These are stressful times, you don’t need to give head space to people who deliberately set out to make you feel insecure just so they can validate their own insecurities.

Lying caaaaaah... 😂

My girls are quite academic. They have done NOTHING over the Easter Holidays. I am quite happy with that.

They have had online schooling, but it has amounted to much like than 7/8 hours a day. More like 4. I am quite happy with that two.

We are going through a collective, mass trauma here. I am not sure your friend is doing the best thing for her children. I am not sure any of this matters right now. The rat race can recommence when this passes.

two? too, of course!

@izzywizzygood that is true, but people with genuinely studious dc don’t feel the need to boast about it to their friends.

OP’s ‘friend’ is very clearly trying to make her feel like shit and that’s not on.

If you have genuinely studious dc and you can tell that a friend is concerned that her kids aren’t like yours then you don’t over egg it. You play it down and change the subject and you sure as hell don’t boast and queen about it.

Don’t worry op. Just keep going as you are. Sounds like you have great dc with a sensible and realistic work ethic. Enjoy them.

When they're at school they're only doing 6 hours.
Its the holidays technically at the moment
Is her school setting that much to do. If that's a case that's bordering on excessive or is she topping up with other stuff too

Last 2 weeks they have been busy working 7- 8hr days.

Hats off to them if that's true, but it is certainly not usual. Either they just naturally love schoolwork, or their parents are driving them (too hard, imho). Try to stop comparing yourselves to others. Our school hasn't sent any homework for the easter holidays.

My DS has been set homework for over the holidays. Certainly not 7-8 hours a day worth. He is Y10 so probably one of the years that does need to concentrate on their schoolwork as going to be hard to cover all the GCSE work.

I think some children especially the older ones might find their work ramps up next term. Some schools were possibly more organised at the end of last term getting online work sorted out. DS’s school were doing a full timetable the week before the Easter holidays together with some homework. So he was definitely doing more than 3 hours a day.

He is certainly doing more PS4 this week and homework is coming second to that.

7-8 hours a day sounds a lot to me. Could be 7-8 hours of teenager multitasking, half doing homework while also watching Netflix on their tablet while chatting to their friends on their phones. Or is it just mine that do homework like that?
My year 11 can't see the point in doing work as there are no exams. My yr 12 is doing a bit more, but no more than 2-3 hours per day max. Less for Easter holidays as they haven't been set loads. I think she spent most of today reading and chatting to friends, but also went out for a walk with her dad.

Maybe you can offer to take over from her. Your teaching skills are obviuosly superiour to hers if it's taking her kids twice as long to learn as yours are

It's the Easter holidays. Mine are 12 and 15 and I wouldn't expect them to do anything in the holidays unless it's been set. Before the holidays they attended every lesson on Microsoft team and did all the work asked of them but the teachers said this would only equate to around half an hour per lesson and that's a grammar school. I haven't had any input though, as they are old enough to organise themselves and know they are monitored during term time remotely by teachers during this time. Don't stress about it and like a pp said, people lie about stuff to make themselves feel better. I've never know so many lazy people apparently religiously doing Pete Wicks every morning with the whole family laughing and smiling. 😂🙄😂🙄

It's the bloody holidays! Mine haven't even started their assigned holiday homework, set by teachers. My primary school dd has barely done anything since lockdown. IME secondary schools are putting more work into keeping children on track for GCSEs and A levels. My two teenagers get regular emails and texts, and calls if they haven't completed anything.

Maybe her kids don’t know it’s the holidays?

I would have thought home education is quicker. If you are trying to herd 20 odd pupils into a classroom, pick on individuals with questions to ensure that everyone is listening and understanding, teach the subject, attempt group participation, answer questions... it all sounds long winded in comparison to having a one to one tutor.

Our school said not to work at all over the holiday! She sounds bonkers.

My DDs school told them just to do what they set and not to do more than five hours a day, they haven’t set any work for the Easter break. Poor kids being made to do seven to eight hours a day during school holidays!

My children still have school daily. Their school schedule hasn't changed. My oldest at home has to be in class by 715 via Zoom and he goes until 115 where he then has to attend his Universoty classes several times a week. Both University and high school classes are still taking attendance. He then goes to work. My 12 yo has to be in class starting at 8am and he doesn't get done until 345 every day. The only thing that has changed for them is lack of dress code. They are going to school in their PJs

That’s part of why I’m worried. My 15 year old is year 10 so missing GCSE teaching.
I did tell my friend to stop talking about her kids as it was making me stressed but she didn’t and then went on to tell me all the other stuff they’re doing too like craft and cooking.

I'm going to take a wild guess that before lockdown your friend was massively defined by her job? Likes to feel "in control"? She hasn't processed what we are in, hasn't allowed herself to actually go though the emotions and is practicing avoidance. She'll get there.

We started home schooling a week and a half before schools closed - by week 2.5 I was warning people that the over enthusiastic homeschooling of Monday week 1 would not be sustainable without school support. It also depends on whether your kids understand and grasp the situation - we all need to be kind to ourselves and accept that this is a historic moment, not a chance to be super productive. All of the "learn a new skill!" posts are displacement activity; your brain is unlikely to be able to focus at this point in time because there is a degree of trauma for us all in this.