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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like never talking again to friend who’s just been telling me about her teenage dcs school work

129 replies

sunshineanddaffodils · 07/04/2020 17:52

Feeling thoroughly depressed after talking to friend who’s dc are 13 and 15. They’re still happily doing school work this week after an energetic warm up at 9am from joe wicks. Last 2 weeks they have been busy working 7- 8hr days.
My 2 are flat refusing to do anything school related a the moment as it’s ‘Easter holidays’Hmm They did do the work school set for the previous 2 weeks but had it all done within 3-4 hours maximum. I honestly feel utterly stressed and depressed. I was worried before about them missing school but now my stress has hit new heightsSad

OP posts:
Biensur40 · 07/04/2020 18:03

7-8 hours mmm, let's say it's true but it might be really poor quality and they're not focused. I would rather 3 hours of focused work.

mbosnz · 07/04/2020 18:03

Mine are very self motivated, but they've knocked off for school holidays, barring tutoring sessions, and fair enough too. You can only do so much with them at this age, just be clear that you will do what you can to help, and if you can't help then to help them get the help they need (if you can), and that, at this point, it's not the end of the world as we know it, and their education is absolutely vital to where they will be going when they leave school.

CastleCrasher · 07/04/2020 18:04

They don't even do 7-8 hours at school, so she's being ridiculous or lying. 3-4 hours of quality work is more than enough, in fact is a bit more than most schools are recommending. And a break for Easter is fine, in fact, recommended. You're doing great, ignore her!!

CheshireDing · 07/04/2020 18:04

Why are they spending more hours doing school work then when they are actually at school !?🤷‍♀️ The nearly 1-2-1 parent /child ratio at home only needs a few hours as then it’s the same as all day at school with 1 teacher and 30 children ratio.

Mine are having the easter hols same as if cv hadnt happened then hopefully they will be fine to carry on with me teaching after the hols, fingers crossed

Yas01 · 07/04/2020 18:04

Hello,
Your children are doing incredibly well. My two (12 and 9) have spent three weeks gaming and that really is something to be depressed about. No matter what rules I set, they gane, game, game. School are also sending minimal work. I feel such a failure myself. You should be proud of yourself and your children. I also know of other mums in my family whose children are doing 8hrs plus of study. We can't compete.

Ginfordinner · 07/04/2020 18:04

DD is home from her first year of university. she is supposed to be going through online lectures and revising. Today she has spent all day on her phone Angry

Although, she is cooking tea now.

CastleCrasher · 07/04/2020 18:05

Sorry that wasn't clear, they don't do 7-8 of work at school - they're there, but between breaks, lunch, loving between classes etc, it's far far less in terms of working time

Ellisandra · 07/04/2020 18:06

I don’t think people need to call the other mum ridiculous or lying. This isn’t about her, it’s about you.

Your kids have done the work set by school during term time.
Your kids don’t want to work during the holidays.

Read that back, and ask yourself why you’re stressing about what anyone says they’re doing, is actually doing.

HalfTermHalfTerm · 07/04/2020 18:06

My 2 are flat refusing to do anything school related a the moment as it’s ‘Easter holidays’ Hmm They did do the work school set for the previous 2 weeks but had it all done within 3-4 hours maximum.

But it is the Easter Holidays? I would be very surprised if they’ve been set daily work to do during this time, the teachers are busy enough as it is without doing that! It sounds like they’re doing fine, try not to worry Smile How old are they?

candle18 · 07/04/2020 18:06

Mine aren’t doing any work over the school holidays and we’re probably doing about 3 hrs a day before the holidays. I think your friends kids are probably in the minority. I have a friend whose teenage son is like that and it is so annoying to hear about the ‘perfect’ child!

Original poster
sunshineanddaffodils · 07/04/2020 18:07

Thanks so much. You’ve calmed me down and I can breathe again. Friend is not working no.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshineanddaffodils · 07/04/2020 18:09

My dc are 13 and 15.

OP posts:
AngelicInnocent · 07/04/2020 18:10

DD is year 13. One of her peers has parents who do this kind of crap. Only 1 night a week away from study, phone only for 1 hour per day, 2 hours in holidays etc even now when they won't be sitting exams. They can't wait to get away to uni and they are not planning on ever coming back!

morecoffeerequired · 07/04/2020 18:11

My friend always used to boast about how her dd was always busy and did homework for several hours every evening, and at weekends.

But that was because she was in the bottom set, and got given loads to do. I don't think my friend realised, otherwise she wouldn't have boasted about it so much.

IndecentFeminist · 07/04/2020 18:11

If she is just chatting about what they are up to, this is your issue not hers. Obviously if she is implying you are doing something wrong, she's a bit silly.

Kordelia · 07/04/2020 18:13

Mine aren’t doing any work over the school holidays and we’re probably doing about 3 hrs a day before the holidays.

As a now retired teacher I think that's perfect. It's much more concentrated at home, if they are actually doing the work and not messing about in their rooms.

Autumnwindinthewillows · 07/04/2020 18:14

I feel sorry for her DC, you sound like youve done really well getting 3 - 4 hours a day. That's probably as much actual learning as they would get at school anyway with breaks and questions etc
Give all of you a break for the Easter hols.
And at that age I wouldn't worry about them doing it all themselves without your input - the teachers will tell you if they are not sending back the work and it's great for them to be independent learners

Mordred · 07/04/2020 18:14

As far as DS (13) is concerned, it's now the Easter Holidays. And he's right, too!

Glassmami · 07/04/2020 18:18

My kids are 9 and 13 and we only get in 3-4 hours a day in max. I give them weekends off from any school work and I've told them once we've caught up they can have the rest of the Easter holidays off

Healthyandhappy · 07/04/2020 18:18

If they wanna do school work then gr8. My 10 yr old dd wants to sit in room on tiktok and roblox all day. Also are her kids in private school or state as private still teach online x

iMatter · 07/04/2020 18:19

My Y9 and Y10 kids worked hard and did the work their teachers set them online, I let them get on with it but I would say approx 4 hours a day of school work.

As of 3.50 last Friday they are on holiday and won't be doing work until 20 April.

VerbenaGirl · 07/04/2020 18:24

This is such an unusual and unfamiliar situation, so please don't stress. The amount of school work they were getting done before sounds about right. Maybe view these 2 weeks as a time for your children to really chill out - which doesn't always happen during school holidays, with all the things that end up getting fitted in. I'm sure our children are learning some useful life skills from this whole situation.

tinytemper66 · 07/04/2020 18:33

After seeing how little work all my pupils are doing she is probably a big liar.

JemSynergy · 07/04/2020 18:38

It's easter break now why is she still making her children do school work? The head teachers at my children's school have said no work will be set over the easter however, one of my sons teacher's set work on the weekend I've told him to leave it and look at it when we start back up again.

peaceanddove · 07/04/2020 18:38

Oh just ignore your silly friend sounds like she's very insecure herself so is lying to impress you. I have two older teens who are doing precious little zero school work as it's the Easter holidays. One didn't appear downstairs until 3pm and still in their PJ's. The other one has spent a very productive day fine plaiting her hair into tiny braids and sunbathing Hmm But they're both at highly selective schools and predicted excellent exam results.