She doesn't want to go and I don't know what to do.

[ArtNotDishes]

I'm so anxious and Mumsnet has always helped me in the past so I'm reaching out again. My mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour and a spinal cord tumour and put on a two week cancer wait 5 weeks ago. She now has an appointment on Thursday at a hospital 2 hours drive away. She needs specialist scans. She called me tonight as she doesn't want to go as she scared she might catch the virus. She's 73 and she's been staying inside alone for 3 weeks. She's also scared of the outcome if she doesn't go. She's on her own and looking to me for advice and answers and I just don't know what to say. My instinct is to go with my gut and tell her not to go and to wait it out. I don't want to make the wrong call. Sorry I'm so stressed.

Let her make the decision. She is 73, not 103, and in charge of her faculties. She decides, not you.

She is very vulnerable and delaying a scan for a few weeks might be preferable to catching a very aggressive virus

My Dad had a brain tumour. He died 8 weeks after his diagnosis so delaying the scan could be sealing her fate far more then coronavirus will.

Definitely go, it doesn't sound as if there's enough information yet for them to plan her treatment and decide whether it can be delayed or not.
So sorry you're in this position.

I'm not in any way saying OP should ignore medical advice and I apologise if my reply read this way. I mentioned my job just to indicate that I have experience of speaking to patients in the OPs position not to imply I have any medical training. It's a horrible dilemma and no one can know what the best course of action would be. Obviously scans are important to take treatment forward and in ordinary circumstances they shouldn't be missed but these are not ordinary circumstances. Ultimately it is up to the patient and their family to make the decision, I was just trying to offer my perspective and if I sounded as if I was saying I knew better than a doctor than wasn't my intention.

Obviously I don't have medical knowledge and I don't know your mum but I have known a few people with brain/spinal cancers. A few weeks delay for some of them of them would have meant they didn't ever get to that appointment.

It's a horrible dilemma and no one can know what the best course of action would be.

I'd imagine the Dr who recommended she have the appointment and decided not to delay it, despite weighing up the risks, would have a better idea than most

Please get her to go.
The scan is to determine what's going on. They then may decide to delay treatment or not.
My mum is not being delayed. And although its heartbreaking noone can be with her.. we know they are making the right decision with everything going on, as its obviously serious to need to treatment in the middle of all of this.

OP, your mums appointment is important, if it wasn't they would have postponed it even further.

My 83 year old very frail mum is going to the renal unit twice a week, she has no choice as she needs dialysis. Although it is a huge risk, and worry, they are really taking every precaution possible inside the hospital.

@softygirl

Your advice might be relevant had scans and consultations took place and advice from DOCTOR has been given.
But ops mum isnt there yet.
Saying not to go for a scan to determine if immediate treatment isn't responsible at all and if you're a genuine person I do hope you havent given anyone in real life that advice

She should go. My stepmum is also recently diagnosed with cancer and she has been told that all appointments are being risk-assessed and only those deemed essential are going ahead. If your DM has been told to go, she needs to go, but of course take all reasonable precautions. Get her a face mask if you can. Use the hand gel that is dotted around all over hospitals every time she touches something. Get in and out as quickly as you reasonably can, but go.

No I think I would take her. She definately has tumors already, they need to be dealt with. She may never catch coronavirus. Deal with the definitive rather than the maybes

As advised above.

I'm sure that if it were safe to postpone her scan, the hospital would have contacted her. They are taking bo risks with patients at the moment. If they haven't cancelled it, she really, really needs it and should go.

What a truly sad situation to be caught up in - my heart is breaking for her.

OP, with respect, why are you asking on here?

This is a decision that can only be taken by the patient - your mum - and her doctor.

I wish people would just offer support and empathy to the OP and her mum, rather than telling her whether she should go or not, which none of us is qualified to do.

FamilyOfAliens

That sounds like you're new to MN. Giving cast iron instructions without the facts, evidence and the detail is a speciality on here.
Telling women to divorce, get new jobs, have abortions, etc is easy because their are no consequences for the person writing.

She has to go. I had surgery for a brain tumour 3 weeks ago, saved my life. Inside the bubble of the hospital I felt very safe and protected. Every precaution is taken and it's just not worth the risk of ignoring it. I was diagnosed and had surgery within 3 days otherwise I would have died (no major prior symptoms).

Definitely go. The hospital will have tight controls over any patient / staff working Covid-19. I believe they should be operating separate entrances and zones of the building. She wouldn't have got a 2 week referral if this could wait, and if you don't take the appointment she risks having to go through the referral process again and potentially join the waiting list with everyone who's currently having their treatment deferred.

Please tell her to go. I've recently been diagnosed with cancer and went for an mri and a pet scan last week.

The hospital was exceptionally quiet. All the staff were wearing PPE.

I was the only one in the whole mri waiting area.

I will say I was told not to bring anyone in with me. They are limiting who can come in. So my DH drove me and waited in the car.

She needs to go. If she washes her hands and doesn't touch doors etc she should be ok. Keep away from others walking around too. It's mainly caught through coughing and sneezing and talking close to you. The staff will be being very careful and they will be cleaning everything more often I'm sure.

@FamilyOfAliens the OP said:
She's on her own and looking to me for advice and answers and I just don't know what to say.

That's why she's asking us. Because her mum is asking her.
The hospital has triaged her and decided that they need to see her and do those tests.
OP has been told that hospitals have been divided up into covid and non covid areas. That is information that OP can pass on, which might help her mum decide.

Only one person has given bad advice here. It's about as clear cut a situation as any that has ever been debated on mumsnet

FamilyOfAliens the OP said:
She's on her own and looking to me for advice and answers and I just don't know what to say.

That's why she's asking us. Because her mum is asking her.

She’s asking us how to handle the fact that her mum wants the OP to make the decision for her.

Not what that decision should be.

Best of luck @ArtNotDishes . As others have said if they are calling her then go with it . TBH you are probably safer there than at a supermarket . It's your time to step up for your mum.

What type of tumour is it OP? Has she or you been told this information? Has any prognosis been given? If it is treatable then chemo etc might buy her a lot more time. If it is GBM then sadly radiotherapy can only buy a bit more time....that is a trade off and one that sadly a lot of patients with that prognosis do refuse.
As someone said upthread, I can’t imagine she’d be pulled in for anything that was very very slow growing. Sorry you are going through this OP. I’d get more information remotely and weigh up the situation.

FamilyOfAliens

That sounds like you're new to MN.

I’ve been here for about 10 years.

I work with vulnerable parents. I don’t give them advice when they ask me what they should do about a particular situation. I help them talk through their concerns and come to a decision themselves.

Even if the OP had said straight out “please tell me whether my mum should go to her cancer appointment or not”, people should still be saying that no one but the patient and their doctor can make that decision.

I don't know if it's been mentioned, haven't read all 4 pages, but the reason why it is a hospital 2 hours away is likely to be because that hospital has been chosen as a cancer specialist centre for the region and will only treat cancer patients for the time being.

This is for the exact reason of wanting to avoid cancer patients to come anywhere close to covid19 patients. If this is her worry, could she call the centre and asked them to confirm that this is the case. Would this provide her with some reassurance?

Definitely go. They would have cancelled the appointment if they thought it was too risky.

Just sending you supportive thoughts OP. My mum was in hospital last week and she was so impressed by how clean it was and how impressive efforts were to prevent any possibility of covid 19 transmission! Wishing the best possible news for your mum.