She doesn't want to go and I don't know what to do.

[ArtNotDishes]

I'm so anxious and Mumsnet has always helped me in the past so I'm reaching out again. My mum was diagnosed with a brain tumour and a spinal cord tumour and put on a two week cancer wait 5 weeks ago. She now has an appointment on Thursday at a hospital 2 hours drive away. She needs specialist scans. She called me tonight as she doesn't want to go as she scared she might catch the virus. She's 73 and she's been staying inside alone for 3 weeks. She's also scared of the outcome if she doesn't go. She's on her own and looking to me for advice and answers and I just don't know what to say. My instinct is to go with my gut and tell her not to go and to wait it out. I don't want to make the wrong call. Sorry I'm so stressed.

I am so sorry to hear this. What a dilemma!
Why don't you phone the hospital and discuss it with them.
My main thought will be how long do you wait and the risk involved. Schools are not planning to go back before September at the moment. That would be a long time to wait.

I hope everything works out for you both.

Definitely go. Brain tumours can not wait.

Softygirl
That's terrible advice.

She needs to go and get treatment for the disease she actually has, rather than worry about the possibility of catching something she might never get. I know it's hard and scary, but it is the only sensible option.

Are hospitals separating covid-19 patients anyway?

Yes, of course they are...

I have no advice to give, but wish you andyour mum the very best of luck.

Oh, Art. I'm so sorry you're in this horrible situation. to you both.

Can she call the hospital for reassurance, explain her fears? Ask how long it would be if she were to wait for another appointment?

Something I picked up when navigating childbirth, regards making decisions when under stress is the following:

The tool is a handy acronym called B.R.A.I.N.

B.R.A.I.N. stands for Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Intuition, and Nothing.

Ask/consider what the Benefits might be.
Ask/consider the risks.
Ask if there are alternatives.
Consider your Intuition.
And ask what would happen if you choose to do nothing.

• aside from that, I don't know enough about anything to offer any advice. I hope the above exercise might help you to feel a bit more in control. Wishing you both all the very best, whatever you decide.

I wouldn’t go for anything routine but for this I think she should go.

Im so sorry your DM is going through this. My DM has cancer at the moment, so up until recently (pre lockdown) we were at the hospital a lot.

She absolutely needs to go, they wouldn't send for her if she didn't. Yes the virus is a risk, but so is the tumour. Unfortunately there was is no perfect way to deal with this.

Thoughts to you and your Mum

I think with the amount of pressure that the NHS is under it would be unlikely she would be called in unless it was felt to be urgent.
If she doesn't go then she reduces the likelihood of successful cancer treatment so whilst i understand your worries i think it would be a huge mistake not to go.
Softygirl you have nowhere near enough information or expertise to give that sort of advice but referring to your job might give the impression that you do- you should know better!

To be blunt, coronavirus won't definitely kill someone, but left untreated, cancer definitely will. She's better off going in.

If you don't live together though, as shit as it is, she's going to have to go on her own. I would try to call the hospital to see if they can make any special arrangements, such as putting you on the consultant's telephone on loudspeaker so you're 'in the room' with her.

Really sorry your mum and you are dealing with this - I'll be rooting for her.

Our hospital has somehow divided itself in half, one for CV type cases and the other half for other things, which would include cancer. You may find that your hospital has done the same.

I do hope your mum can be helped; it is amazing what they can do these days. I have a friend your mum's age who had prostate cancer and was given 2 years at most, but that was 6 years ago and they have got rid of the cancer almost entirely. He is still vulnerable and has to be checked every 6 months (I think), but he is otherwise fine and still working! Definitely, definitely worth your mum's while to go.

She should go. I took my mum for a cancer scan on the first day of lockdown and the hospital had taken lots of precautions and we felt very safe there. They had cancelled most of the outpatient clinics so there weren’t many people milling around.

Your mum needs to get going with her treatment, she could be much worse when this is over. Hope it goes well

I’m so sorry you & your Mum are going through this, especially now 😢

Maybe depends which hospital?

Another poster has just been through similar & has had amazing treatment & lots of reassurance. I think I’d encourage my Mum to go and I’d meet her there reminding her not to touch stuff and to use hand gel.

Best wishes 🌷

She is very vulnerable and delaying a scan for a few weeks might be preferable to catching a very aggressive virus, of course the hospital will be prepared to protect patients but there will also be patients with the virus in the hospital so on balance it may be more sensible to wait a few weeks until the risk of catching Coronavirus is considerably less

I've read some appalling advice on this site but, at the time of writing, yours is absolutely up there as the worst of the worst, softygirl.

Do you have inside knowledge as to how this virus will progress? If you're only as informed as the rest of us how can you be so confident that the risk of catching it will be "considerably less" in a few weeks' time?

Perhaps you haven't read Professor Charles Swanton, Cancer Research UK’s chief clinician, statement that some cancers will become 'inoperable', rather than survivable, if diagnosis or treatment are delayed by the pandemic?

Please, OP, take no notice of this misguided poster and encourage your dm to keep her appointment. Her life could be at far worse risk if she fails to attend and if her case was considered to be non-urgent the hospital would have deferred her appointment.

Also, please be reassured that exceedingly stringent measures have been put in place to ensure that no cancer patient will be unduly put at risk while undergoing diagnosis/treatment and, to make doubly sure, your dm should wear a mask when travelling to and from the hospital and use a hand sanitiser frequently during the journey.

It's entirely understandable that you don't want to "make the wrong call", but you'll never forgive yourself if you encourage your dm to not attend this appointment only to discover at a later date that her chances of recovery have been significantly impaired, or worse. because she wasn't scanned and therefore her treatment wasn't started earlier.

I hope that you, or a trusted friend/relative, will be able to accompany your dm and no doubt her results and susbequent treatment will be provided in a location nearer to her home.

I also hope that you'll come back on Friday with an account of your dm's experience which will encourage others to not even think of delaying essential medical investigations and/or treatment during these trying times.

My DH is having ongoing treatment that hasn't been cancelled so I would say go if they haven't cancelled. The hospital will be virtually empty and they are cleaning everywhere and washing hands constantly so I wouldn't worry about going with her.

Best wishes to you both

She has to go and you know you should be with her.

It’s very hard but it’s the right thing to do.

Can you fashion homemade masks (lots of ideas on YouTube) and carry hand sanitiser? There will be plenty in the hospital as well hopefully. Avoid touching things - bathroom door handles and lift buttons - carry tissues to do these things and bin them straight away. Sit as far away as you can from others.

Beyond that, it’s just a chance you both have to take. Statistically, none of us is likely to catch coronavirus. If we do, we are not likely to need hospital treatment. If we do, we are most likely to survive.

Try to keep the stats in mind. Take sensible precautions and do what needs to be done.

Good luck to your mum.

I have a friend who's ongoing chemo has been paused for this very reason. If they're asking your mum to go in, she needs to go in. They've triaged the risk for her.

She does have to go.
But. I must tell you that my friend has an appointment tomorrow after tests for cancer last week at a London hospital (yes, the London hospital with all the press outside). They contacted her on Friday about the special arrangements. She will be met at the door by staff and they said she is not to be scared by the outfits and PPE - it is all being done to protect oncology patients - but that nobody can go into the hospital with her. And that may be a sticking point for your Mum - nobody can go in with her, you will have to wait outside I think. So make sure she has a mobile phone so you can at least chat.
But she must go. They only want to see who they feel they MUST see. If it's a 2 hr journey for you, and you need to wait outside, then you'll want flasks, water, snacks, a book and a warm blanket.

Hi, I’m sorry you are going through all of this, what a difficult time for all of you. I had a serious spinal cord tumour (Non Hodgkin’s lymphoma) a couple of years ago. The main symptom for me was the the pain was unbearable - couldn’t sleep at night and even morphine based tablets weren’t touching it. At the time I didn’t know I had cancer, despite a couple of hospital admissions. The tumour got so large (10 Cm) that one morning I woke up and couldn’t move/feel below my waist - it turned out that the tumour had caused a spinal cord compression.

I was lucky in the fact that, the same day as it happened, I was taken straight to a major cancer centre and had planning scan/emergency radio therapy, which over the next few months reduced the tumour so much I was able to gain back feeling and movement.

Maybe you could help your mum monitor any new symptoms that may mean she’s at risk - increased severe pain, numbness, pins and needles, and loss of appetite. If she has any of these then she may need treatment ASAP (they can do the planning the same or next day if it’s an emergency). Spinal cord compressions are treated as an oncological emergency.

I’d really think carefully about delaying the scans but if you decide against it then please look out for some of the symptoms above. Maybe you could ask your mum’s consultant what the risks of waiting are? I really hope that you get everything sorted out soon.

I’m glad your coming round to going - it’s absolutely the right thing to do. It’s horrible timing but it’s vital that the scans are done as soon as possible so the doctor can see how far things have progressed.

Try and keep positive about it - the scan staff were so lovely when I took my mum, they understand how frightening it is. Mum had been very worried but announced on coming out - “it’s amazing what they can do nowadays - I didn’t even have to take my shoes off!”

The Irish chief medical officer who has been reporting on cv had to attend hospital a couple of days ago. He became very concerned because the hospitals which are normally full this time of year are empty.

His main concern was that people with other genuine illnesses are staying away due to being afraid and that in the long-term this could have a very detrimental effect on the health of the country.

My father goes back in to hospital tomorrow for a second round of chemo. The reality is that the hospital he’s attended for years is probably safer today than it was 3 or 4 weeks ago because most people are banned and we’re all being careful. In the case of his chemo, cancer out patients are being treated in separate premises. They have thought it through! I know how tough this is for you OP and how scary but please do go. They wouldn’t be letting you go in if it wasn’t important.

delaying a scan for a few weeks might be preferable to catching a very aggressive virus

That assumes that a) it will only be a matter of a few weeks' delay and b) that the virus situation will be better in a few weeks. Both seem unlikely to me. She really might as well go now. But you should ring and check if you'll be allowed in too.

She needs to go. They are cancelling pretty muc jn all but life and death cancer treatments. The fact hers isnt cancelled means she needs to go. Please please tell her to go.