To have reached emotional tipping point

[PrettyTricky]

Been pretty stoic the last few weeks, tried to make the most of lockdown at home, homeschooling, business worries. Have played down worries about elderly relatives, especially isolated parents in a different part of the country and have organised shopping for them. Have just been bloody getting on with it and following the rules.

But today I seem to have hit a wall and am finding it hard to cope anymore. I think the news about Boris has made it seem very real, and the sense of disbelief about all of it is suddenly hitting home.
Plus, I was meant to be going to Venice today on a special holiday, but that's irrelevant really given the sufffering going on.

Just feel like having a cry and am very worried about everything really. Not sure what to do with myself.

@Notcontent sending hugs - how old is your ds/dd?

Week 3 is when probation officers have to be really mindful of prisoners on house arrest. It's when you've gone through frustration, thinking positive, and hit straight grief (obviously, generalizing). We're grieving for the end of our "normal", because we don't know when it's coming back. Allow yourself to do that. Our relationships, lack of relationships, and lifestyle in general come under the microscope with nothing to distract us and it's really to be expected that you feel like shit for a minute. If it's any consolation, week 4 is apparently typically acceptance. I don't know if I want to accept this shit, but I'm hoping I feel a bit less wrecked about it. Do what you need to do to remember joy. Watch something that makes you laugh, revisit a favorite book, but do something to remind yourself of feeling good even if you don't really feel like it. It will help drag you through this to remember joy.

I so agree with you op.

I’m totally with you. Everything seems very close and very overwhelming, partIcularly with the news about poor Boris. Let’s hope he pulls through. Currently trying to distract myself by watching Ozark. Not succeeding, really. You are definitely NOT BU.

You're doing great, Pretty, everyone has limits though and it's understandable you feel like crying.

Another day tomorrow, I hope you'll feel better then.

I've been doing OK so far, I'm in on my so it's easier and at times I've felt it's all too easy for me. However I felt awful last night. It happens. Today is better.
&

I feel you OP!

I think the news about Boris has hit home for many because it’s someone we know of, so there’s the shock factor, it’s not anonymous anymore. I expect the ones who have experienced this with loved ones or friends will feel slightly different, because they have had their dose of reality checking with what they have experienced so far. It’s a shitter that’s for sure.

I'm there with you too tonight. I've been stoically plodding on with working from home and only going out to shop once a week but this has really hit me tonight.
I'm very overweight so I'm really worried about how my body would cope with it. My dc are grown up but they both still live with us and I don't want to leave them without a mum. Then I thought what if dp dies too.
They've both been feeling unwell today. Dd almost fainted in the shower this morning. And they're both feeling shaky and nauseous. No covid symptoms yet but I'm worried this is the start of it.
And then comes the news about Boris. I'm no Tory but I hope to god he pulls through.
Feeling very low about it all now.

We are in a surreal situation. One we never dreamed of.
Our daily routines have been thrown into chaos. Whether that be work, school, elderly parents.
I am also worried about Boris and as others have said it hits home that no one is exempt from contacting this.
I was speaking with my friend last night and I voiced something playing on my mind about people’s loved one’s dying and not having the option of a family funeral, saying a final farewell, getting closure.
How is this going to impact on people’s mental health down the line.
I’ve tried to stay positive keeping busy, but tonight I’m just not feeling it.
Going to bed with knots in my stomach.

YANBU - It's such a surreal situation and that hits every now and then. I'm sorry you've hit the wall today.

I've tipped over today as well. For me it's a combination of things. I have been squashing my anxiety down for two weeks - rationalising things to myself and trying not to spiral for the sake of the DC, but no matter how I try to calm myself down, I have a voice in my head constantly invoking the fear and panic and today, I feel like I've lost the battle a bit.

The Boris thing has definitely been a shock and caused the most visceral response.

I've also read things that I wasn't aware of that have given me the fear. I need to stop reading and step away a bit.

I am in London and can't help wishing i was somewhere more remote (although I appreciate we probably have lots of hospital beds by comparison).

I've also got a bit of a shit situation at home, and lockdown has highlighted this.

I am very much internalising my fear and know this isn't doing any good. I feel anxious, sick and panicked. It's shit.

I am hoping tomorrow will be a better day. I think we just have to accept that everything is weird, and awful and scary and take it day by day.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow OP

Had a bit of a wobbly day here today as well. I’ve been inside for 2 weeks and no amount of working out/keeping busy has shaken me out of my funk today.
We are very on edge, I feel scared, lonely and like I want to break my sobriety into teeny tiny pieces, just so that my nerves can have a break and my brain can shut the hell up for a minute. Hope you feel better tomorrow OP and everyone else on this thread that is having a wobble.

I've reached my limit too. I'm on the verge of giving up completely.

YANBU. I feel as though I’m holding it together for everyone, but too scared to release my own emotions in case they overwhelm me.

@maddening No one would deny that what is happening in Syria and Yemen is horrendous, beyond anything that is happening here.

But very few people, will be looking at their own current awful situation and thinking, okay, our lives have all been turned upside down, my children/parents/husband/wife/sister/brother could die or I could die and leave my children motherless or fatherless and then think, buts it's not too bad really because people in Syria and Yemen have it so much worse.

There's perspective and then there's perspective.

I got to this point on Saturday.

Felt a bit better Sunday and Monday but hearing the news about Boris has really shook me. And I'm no Tory. Like another poster said, I too have gone to bed with knots in my stomach tonight 😥

Have a good cry. Will do no good to keep it in. I've been completely calm through all of this and I'm still not afraid or worried but I will admit I had a little cry today. I really like Boris and I'm feeling very sad for him

There's no point in carrying on now.

I had no idea I was stressed. Last night my heart was skipping and I was conscious of my breathing and I started to think ‘this feels like the start of a panic attack’ but it can’t be because I’m not panicking? But it kept on and was worrying and I had to say something to my other half. I went to bed, slept and got up and was fine until teatime. And then it started up again. And then I watched a film (Hidden Figures) and felt quite emotional and angry about the racism and sexism. And then my DP said that BJ was in intensive care. And then I started crying. And I was so fucking confused because I don’t think I thought something like that would particularly bother me. But added to my feeling of panic I just kind of lost it. I haven’t had a panic attack for over 30 years. Maybe it’s all been bubbling away underneath. I think I need to tackle it but I’m shit at meditation and mindfulness. Funny to see this post here but reassuring I’m not the only one who was feeling perfectly fine but is obviously just ignoring my inner panic. But it’s there.

I keep having to scuttle off for a little weep. It’s all just so fucking wierd and alien.
I miss work. I miss people. I miss being busy. I miss being on holiday (should be very away at the moment).
I feel guilty for all those ‘little’ thoughts and disappointments.
I feel worried for my family and friends. And myself (vulnerable, shielded and generally a health liability).
I feel vaguely like I’m skiving. ALL the time.
Apathy is starting to sink in, it’s like I can’t deal with any of it so I’ve given up on all of it. But with extra badly timed weeping.
More. Wine.

This is a completely unprecedented situation. No-one knows for certain how things are going to end up..... how many will be ill, how many will die, how the country and world will recover.

It’s a trauma. Not a one-off thing like a car crash, but an ongoing, rolling, unknowable period of emergency.

So of course your emotions are all over the place. One day confident and calm, the next distracted and hopeless. One minute rolling up your sleeves and getting on with it, the next anxious and weepy. You will second guess yourself every time you cough, every suggestion of a sore throat, any time you feel a little warm. You may take refuge in dark humour, or silliness, or distraction activities.

All of this is completely normal and does not need to be apologised for.

Feel the same. Was meant to be WFH today but just couldn’t manage it. Yesterday had chest tightness and combined with hot flushes which have come back with a vengeance convinced myself it was corona. I now think it was just anxiety and exhaustion of managing kids and their schooling, work , home, money worries etc with no respite or outlets for 2 weeks. The much looked forward to holiday in Wales this summer looks doubtful. Now with Boris in ICU it’s just got a big step more sinister. Every aspect of life is negatively impacted.

Thank you LouisaW. My dd is a young teen now and she can be great company but it’s a bit tough being on our own (more emotionally rather than practically).

OP - you are not alone.

I agree it is so much harder on your own as a single parent.
I am on day 3 of a high temp and sore throat, and have just started with a cough. It's terrifying. I have never felt so upset and alone as I do tonight.

I hit my wall when they closed schools and Nicola Sturgeon said schools in Scotland wouldn’t go back until September (so presumably same for England). I was an utter mess for four days and have been fine since.

I’m sure I’ll hit a wall again at some point.

This journey we are all on is a rollercoaster

Cry op and let it out.

YANBU. These are horrific times and quite unlike anything life might have prepared us for up until now.

I feel the same. Hearing about Boris being in intensive care has really shaken me up and I felt like crying. It's just so scary and not going away. I started off thinking it was all a bit ott but seeing how many people are getting seriously ill and dying has terrified me. I keep panicking I'm going to wake up with a sore throat and can feel the heart palpitations come on. I really hope Boris will be ok, I think for me reading people's nasty comments about him has really upset me too and made me feel even worse. It's just terrifying not knowing if and when you'll get it and no one can predict how bad you'll get it.