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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who have moved countries

167 replies

Amymayapple · 06/04/2020 08:58

How do you introduce yourself?

I was born in England and I moved to Ireland when I was age 7. I have an Irish accent. I grew up in Ireland, but I don't live there anymore.

If people ask me where I am from and I say England, they say to me, immediately "that is not an English accent".

If I say I am from Ireland, it feels wrong , because I am English. And I feel English. But I have an Irish accent.

I spend way too much time stressing about this when I introduce myself, because people make me explain myself.

I would just love to say "Hi I am ann, I am from England".

Not

"Hi I am Ann, I am from England"

"You don't SOUND English, hahaha"

"Well I was born in England, and we moved to Ireland".

It is a big song and dance every time, and it is extra stressful because I have gotten insults about being both English and Irish in the past.

How would you introduce yourself in this situation?

OP posts:
TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 06/04/2020 11:39

I'm from the UK, but I've lived lots of places.

My kids don't really know where they're from (we've moved countries about once a year for as long as they remember) - so my eldest tells people where he was born, and the youngest just avoids the question or lets someone else answer for him.

Original poster
Amymayapple · 06/04/2020 13:38

@alwaysmoody I never say "Hi I am Ann, I am English".

This is an example of a conversation that I have had.

At a hiking group in England.

Me, walking with the group "The nature here is beautiful"
Man: (glares at me) "you are not from round here are you. Are you over here taking our jobs?"
Me: "Actually i am from England, and I moved to Ireland"
Man: "It sure doesn't sound like you are from England, were you thrown out of Ireland?"

Me - upset and moved away from him.

That is just one example of a conversation that I had in England.

Anyway- I am just going to say I'm English - moved to Ireland. If they don't like it - I am going to get tougher!

OP posts:
Coka · 06/04/2020 16:15

I'm born english moved to scotland when I was 6. Have a neutral accent. I just say I was born in england but grew up in scotland. If I say I'm english they will question it, same if I say im Scottish.

My name is Irish which confuses the matter even more.

Coka · 06/04/2020 16:18

I would answer with "I was born in..." that's what these mean people are looking for.

MrsSchadenfreude · 06/04/2020 17:08

DD1 worked in retail for her gap year and got this all the time. She ended up saying “I’m British but have spent most of my life in Europe.”

DieSchottin93 · 06/04/2020 17:20

I understand you you feel. My parents are Welsh and Scottish and I've lived in Scotland the vast majority of my life but for some strange reason have never quite got rid of my "posh" English accent. I don't consider myself English at all. However British people always comment on my accent. So many people at work (I'm a hotel receptionist) comment on it needlessly and it makes me feel quite self-conscious at times. Not everyone in Scotland has a thick Scottish accent Sad

TheNinjaWife · 06/04/2020 18:38

OP I feel your pain. I get this all the time. I was born in England, but then moved to country X with my parents as a child, and then to country Y as an adult, so I have a mixed accent. Now back in the U.K. This is also not helped by being adopted and having a Mediterranean skin colour. The actual city I was born in I never lived in. So when I start getting quizzed as to where I’m from I feel like I’m obliged to tell my whole life story, otherwise it seems like I’m fibbing.
I try not to get too irritated these days by the ‘You’re a long way from home.’ comments. I suppose it just makes us more interesting.

TheNinjaWife · 06/04/2020 18:41

@LuluNamechangeForHelp

Thanks, for posting the video. I have seen it before, but ages ago. Made me LOL.

Guiltyfeminist1 · 06/04/2020 18:50

Read the poem 'Originally' by Carol Ann Duffy - it deals with exactly what you're feeling. It offers no answers, but interesting nonetheless...

ChinChinPassMeTheGin · 06/04/2020 19:07

I’m the other way around. I’m Irish with an English accent now living in the north of Ireland.. makes it interesting to say the least ha

BritWifeinUSA · 06/04/2020 19:23

I now live in the USA and people here assume I’m Australian. To me, there’s a huuuuuuge difference between a south of England accent and an Australian accent and I can’t get why they can’t hear the difference.

I love having a little fun with it, though. My husband is American born and raised but when we go out and they hear me speak people always say “oooh an accent! Where are you from?” and I give the name of the small village we live in here or the nearest town and watch the looks of confusion. I then sometimes get “how long are you visiting for?” or something like that. The thought that an immigrant can be white and English-speaking is lost on some people.

HibiscusPot · 06/04/2020 21:47

@BorrestGump It’s an interesting culture gap. DH and I were talking a while ago and said we feel like we are from a history book in some ways. Like we have a gap of generations, not just one, from our children in some ways.

DH has a rant at DS one morning when it was ‘too cold and dark’ to get up. A massive rant about sleigh rides through forest and managing horses well below freezing to get to a bus stop 😂
The kids faces were like he was joking!

It’s the little things, like really really not getting on with adverts. Or games consoles. Or kids wanting fashionable clothes. Or work ethic. Or hoarding random things. Or being very shocked when we heard about health visitors here and knocking on the door without anybody telling us (this may also be exacerbated by being rural village people?)

makingmammaries · 07/04/2020 03:42

I say ‘it’s a long story but I was born in the north of England’. That usually satisfies people.

biscuitsanddiddums · 07/04/2020 03:47

I have three kids born in three countries (none of them England). They all say they are English and we don’t live there either. Confused

PrimeraVez · 07/04/2020 03:52

I live in a veryyyyy diverse place and people normally say things like

I’m Indian but grew up in France
I was born and went to school in the UK but my parents are Egyptian
I’m Spanish but have been living here for 15 years

melj1213 · 07/04/2020 03:56

I was born in Ireland to Irish parents, moved to England aged 3 and grew up here till university, spent nearly 10 years in Spain (where DD was born and then moved back to England.

My accent is all over the place and people always ask where I'm from.

I usually preface it with where I have just moved from and then add in the extra info. So "I moved back here from Spain a couple of years ago - I grew up in X town near here - but I was actually born in Ireland."

In your case I'd explain it as "I moved here from Ireland. I was actually born in England but moved there as a young child, hence the accent."

expat101 · 07/04/2020 04:10

I was born in the UK, raised in another country and live in a 3rd. To a point yes I have had the ''your taking our jobs'' thing too, and some of the benefits available to me where I live is not parallel with my former country of residence for the people who came from where I live now (if that makes sense), so there can be a bit of a snark about that too.

However, as a generalisation, I find its one type of person who already has a chip on their shoulder about how this or that has been unfair to them so far in life, and that it doesn't matter. Dig a bit deeper into the conversation and you will find their parents or a grandparent came from ''somewhere else'' it and shuts them up rather quickly...

Imstillskanking · 07/04/2020 04:30

I always just say where I was born. If people have follow up questions because I don't look or sound how they would expect, I answer they as they come up.

FortunesFave · 07/04/2020 04:38

You're totally from Ireland.

We moved from the UK to Oz when my youngest DD was 7. I can't imagine she'll be saying she's from England when she's an adult. All of her formative years will have been spent in Oz.

LoveIsLovely · 07/04/2020 05:14

Oh I totally get it. I lost my accent and people will always say "oh you don't SOUND Scottish".

OK, great? So, what am I supposed to say to that? I am Scottish so it's a conversational dead end.

Note it is never Scottish people who say this! To them, I sound Scottish but to other, I don't.

Some people have really poor conversational skills, I think.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/04/2020 05:41

I think you have to start giving fucks about this. I am born and bred English, British (and European). Lived abroad in a few European countries as an adult. Abroad I was thought to be French in one country, Belgian in another etc because of the accent I produced when speaking their native tongue. Then when I came back to England my accent was a mishmash because I associated with people from all different places eg Ireland, South Africa etc and I tend to inadvertently imitate accents a bit. Apparently I sounded non-descript but perhaps from Australia etc. I thought it was all funny tbh and rather intriguing.

Some people are nasty. Not all by a long shot. If instead of presuming nastiness, could you brush off as yes, “I get you’re having cognitive dissonance on this“ and “it’s weird, isn’t it” and laugh? Maybe you’ll find yourself a lot happier.

Having lived abroad, I don’t get the upset of being asked where you originate from if you have an accent. This doesn’t feel like othering to me. Perhaps people feel this way in response to Brexit. My experiences were in a different world maybe... To be clear, I’m talking about accent here, not skin colour.

I think the people, who’ve said nasty things to you are perhaps making you feel as though everyone is othering you when really they’re just struggling to wrap their head around your identity because it doesn’t fit with their preconceived notions. That doesn’t make them automatically xenophobic or racist.

mathanxiety · 07/04/2020 06:00

"I am originally from Ireland".

EssentialHummus · 07/04/2020 06:24

I genuinely have the most complicated (and outing) background of anyone I know and I just say, "It's quite complicated, but I was born in Country X." Though weirdly, everyone thinks I'm either Irish or German - two countries I have no background in.

HippoPudgy · 07/04/2020 06:36

Try being born in Lancashire then being dragged to live over the border in Yorkshire when you are ten, might as well be two warring countries. I have also ended up with the oddest accent that slides depending on who I'm talking to.

TheTeenageYears · 07/04/2020 07:13

"Born in England and raised in Ireland" without drawing breath so there's no chance for someone to jump in with "you don't sound like you're from here"