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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to visit grand children after 2 weeks' isolation?

175 replies

RidingOn · 06/04/2020 08:25

They are aged 7 and 9, their father is a single parent, who is working from home. They're OK, no emergency, but I thought he might like some help and a bit of a break.

I don't want to do anything against govt guidelines, but as children of separated parents are allowed to visit both parents, I thought that might apply to (youngish, healthy) grandparents too? Does anyone know? Especially as both households have been in isolation for two weeks, so it's unlikely any of us is carrying it.

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 06/04/2020 10:09

There’s no reason why you can’t get together when you’re both obviously clear

Well apart from the fact it's totally against the guidelines of course! What a stupid idiotic post, it's bad enough people not following the guidelines without others telling them it's OK not to!!! No mixing of households, seriously how difficult is that to understand!! Angry

LittleMcJiggle · 06/04/2020 10:10

Ffs.

Original poster
RidingOn · 06/04/2020 10:11

@Dailygrind message received. Thank you for what you are doing.

OP posts:
CoffeeChocolateWine · 06/04/2020 10:13

No you can’t. My parents and my in-laws do reading with the DC via Zoom/Skype/Facetime. My older children read to them; they read to my younger one. I find that helpful as it gives me some 1-1 time with the other child or if I time it right, some time to myself to get some work done. Could you be helpful in that way?

AlwaysCheddar · 06/04/2020 10:14

Ffs.....

BackseatCookers · 06/04/2020 10:15

@dailygrind22

ThanksThanksThanksThanksThanks

BadBadBeans · 06/04/2020 10:17

@RidingOn For some reason, I guessed from your first post that there might be more going on here. People seem to have failed to notice that you have recently lost your child, and the children a parent. I'm very sorry for your loss, and I understand why you are looking for ways that allow you to spend time with them.

Love the FaceTime story reading idea. My little boy is also a big fan of 'showing' his grandad things on the video phone - perhaps your grandchildren could have a little show and tell session with you from time to time to give your son in law a break?

TheFairyCaravan · 06/04/2020 10:19

Honestly I'm sick to the back teeth of these sort of posts on here day in and day out. The rules are there for a reason so stop trying to find a way to bend them.

My son (23) is a nurse in A&E in a hospital 3 hours from me. I'm worried sick about him, so much so that I can't sleep, I'm barely eating and I can't sleep. He's seen confirmed Covid cases, hasn't had the correct PPE and hasn't been tested himself. I can't go and see him and he can't see us. His lovely girlfriend, who I love to bits too, is also a nurse is nursing Covid patients and also hasn't been tested.

DS1 is a soldier, leave cancelled ready to do whatever they need. I've not seen either of them for weeks.

This is undoubtedly one of the most worrying times of my life. Please just do as your asked, it's not forever, and it's not hard. Stay in, watch telly, clean out your knicker drawer or something.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 06/04/2020 10:20

Why are people so stupid? What are we doing so wrong that we’re raising a nation of idiots?

80sMum · 06/04/2020 10:21

@06RidingOn I understand that you may not want to watch the wall-to-wall news that's on, but I do recommend that you stay up to date by at least watching the daily broadcasts from the government, which are usually at about 5.00pm on BBC1.

Channel 4 news often goes into greater depth and has interviews with people on the NHS front line, which again is a good way of keeping up with what's actually happening out there.

SallyLovesCheese · 06/04/2020 10:21

People are being ridiculous and pedantic. You don’t have it because you’ve been isolated and you’d have been sick by now. Your DC and GDC don’t have it for the same reason. There’s no reason why you can’t get together when you’re both obviously clear. If either of you were going anywhere else, even to the supermarket or getting on the bus, I’d say no because one of you could catch it and pass it to the other. But if you’re both fully isolated then I don’t see the problem. Imo if elderly people are living alone then in many cases they’re more at risk from isolation and MH issues than they’re are from COVID.

THIS is the reason they're going to be stricter on lockdown.

Unless you've been in absolutely NO contact with anyone else for at least 2 weeks (not going out, no shopping, no deliveries etc.) then you CANNOT say you are "obviously clear". It lives on surfaces, ffs.

I'd love to know if anyone has truly been isolated completely, nothing and nobody in or out or even near the door for two weeks.

I can't believe how people think this is okay. If I'm not even allowed out for my one exercise a day I will be pissed off at people like this and their incorrect beliefs that put us all in danger.

tootiredtoconga · 06/04/2020 10:32

You don’t have it because you’ve been isolated and you’d have been sick by now. Your DC and GDC don’t have it for the same reason. There’s no reason why you can’t get together when you’re both obviously clear.

Here's a reason...WE ARE IN LOCKDOWN!
People from different households are not allowed to "get together" because we have all been banned from doing so by the Government. Have you been living under a rock for the last two weeks?? It doesn't matter if you're not "sick", it has been extremely well documented and we'll publicised that people can carry the virus and not have symptoms.

Give me strength Hmm

Petiolaris · 06/04/2020 10:33

So what if someone needs regular support and would normally be visited or picked up and taken to a relative’s home? It’s impossible to just move in with a relative - maybe they don’t have a bed for you, and if your council house is left empty for weeks on end it’ll be taken off you.

My council tenant neighbour is picked up by his mum every day because she gives him his methadone and takes him to her house for lunch. Leaving him alone for 12 weeks isn’t an option and neither is it possible for him to move in with his mum. They’re both isolated separately in their own properties but she needs to pick him up every day. Many people simply cannot be left alone for 12 weeks, it’s naive to think that they can.

Serendipity79 · 06/04/2020 10:35

@SallyLovesCheese I was in total isolation for two weeks with my children up to last Tuesday. No one in, no one out. Since then I have made just two trips out - always alone. Once to the supermarket which terrified me because no one would keep their distance and once to collect a prescription for my blood pressure medication.

Irrespective of having already been in "proper" isolation, we are continuing to do so aside from those really vital trips out. You're totally right - you cant assume you've had it even though myself and my older daughter had symptoms, and if we haven't then we could catch it at any point if we leave the house.

For those who are saying clarity is needed - its really not. After almost 3 weeks indoors my kids are climbing the walls, but they understand. They're facetiming their nana every day and they know that we're doing our bit to keep everyone around us safe.

For all the people who are annoyed about the posters on here getting "aggressive" - no one is getting aggressive, we're all just really frustrated that people cant adhere to this. The longer people try and find ways around the rules, the longer we all have to stay indoors. Especially those of us who've paid attention from the start.

Duchessofblandings · 06/04/2020 10:37

Your neighbour’s mother is administering to his medical needs, which is a named valid reason.

Visiting the grandchildren because you fancy seeing them isn’t.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 06/04/2020 10:46

I infer from your updates that you and your son in law and your grandchildren are recently bereaved. It’s understandable that you might have been in a bit of a bubble. You have taken the advice you have been given here with good grace. Even that which was delivered a bit severely.

I hope that you will find ways to support your son in law and grandchildren from a distance. They are of an age where they could really interact well via Skype or face time. You can also play games remotely via apps like game pigeon if you have iPhones.

Wishing you well.

HarrietM87 · 06/04/2020 10:47

@Petiolaris the example of your neighbour is in no way comparable to the OP’s situation. It’s just not allowed. As others have said, unless every member of both households has literally stayed inside the house for 14 days (because going to the shops and potentially exercising means you can catch it) then they could have it and spread it, even with no symptoms. The government guidelines are really clear and they apply to everyone, even you.

Beingyellow · 06/04/2020 10:54

I hate the abuse and name calling people get on mumsnet for asking a question. Anyway. Hope you're ok OP. I see you are following the guidelines now they have been explained to you. I'm sure you are all missing each other. Just think of what an amazing reunion you will all have once this is over x

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 06/04/2020 10:55

OP as an only child my Dd is relying on Skype to keep in touch with her best friend otherwise she won't see or speak to another child for the duration.
Some of the activities they have thought up have included playing music (badly) to each other, writing a story, reading to each other, setting up their devices so they can watch a TV show together and chat about it. They ve watched drawing tutorials on YouTube and shown each other the results.

There are lots of ways you can connect with your grandchildren and give Dad a break.

Babyboomtastic · 06/04/2020 10:57

As much as I understand why you are in a bubble, have stopped watching the news etc, I think you do need to keep updated on what is going on.

It's important that you know what the current 'rules' are for example, so that you can stay within them. This query arose because seemingly you didn't know or understand the rules. I don't mean you need to glue yourself to it, and watch constant updates, but watching the headlines once a day is really important right now.

I'm also very sorry for your loss, and that you can be with your family at this time.

RightOnTheEdge · 06/04/2020 10:58

OP it sounds as, if you have recently lost your daughter. No wonder you have not been watching the news and been in your own bubble. I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be terrible to not be able to see your Grandchildren and Son in Law at a time like this. Flowers

You have already accepted that people think YABU and said you won't visit them so I would leave this thread now and go look after yourself because people will ignore you saying you won't go and just keep piling on.

I hope this all doesn't last too long so that you can go give your Grandchildren big hugs soon.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 06/04/2020 10:59

No

BackseatCookers · 06/04/2020 11:12

OP it sounds as, if you have recently lost your daughter. No wonder you have not been watching the news and been in your own bubble. I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be terrible to not be able to see your Grandchildren and Son in Law at a time like this.

I didn't realise this either and I am really, really sorry for your loss. It's unimaginable and although I still think it wouldn't be right to go, I wouldn't have said so in a harsh way had I known the circumstance. Sorry OP ThanksThanksThanks

Worriedmum54321 · 06/04/2020 11:19

It's really worrying how aggressive and unpleasant people are being about this! It really is showing people's true colours.

OP - I have considered this too but decided against for the time being. If it was to go on for a long time (>6 weeks) I think the mental health issues would start to become more important so I might change my mind.

I understand the reasoning behind social distancing - but I also feel that the risk has to be minimal between two households that have both been social distancing for 2 weeks already. It would be different if one household either had someone very vulnerable, or had someone who was a doctor or nurse etc.

Grandadwasthatyou · 06/04/2020 11:21

This sort of question makes me so mad.
We are all sacrificing seeing loved ones and grandchildren for the greater good.
What makes you so different?
My blood boils when I see the neighbour over the road have his whole family troop in to his house when I have a little cry every now and then because I'm missing my grand children so much.

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