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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

husband won’t pick his washing up AIBU

100 replies

Bluesponge · 03/04/2020 23:56

I love my husband and he has been incredibly supportive throughout my pregnancy but there is one thing that has always annoyed me about him, now more than ever. Instead of putting his washing in the basket he puts it NEAR it, instead of putting his dishes in the dishwasher he puts them NEAR it. As someone who has dyspraxia and is very forgetful I sort of understand but it drives me INSANE and no matter how many times I tell him he doesn’t do it
Am I being unreasonable?
Ps I am not heavily pregnant 5 months with a relatively small bump

OP posts:
Esspee · 03/04/2020 23:58

Leave them. If it is not in the laundry basket/dishwasher it doesn't get washed.

RonnieBarkingMad · 04/04/2020 00:02

So his clothes stay by the dishwasher then and you only clean plates that you need, and not the dirty ones he leaves on the side then.

If he wants to wear dirty clothes and eat off dirty plates that’s his business (and yours, for marrying a slob, but I get the feeling he would magically learn to place the items in the right space for the extra few inches it takes after a short while).

Weedsnseeds1 · 04/04/2020 00:05

Pick them up, one last time, take them outside and burn them.
Gets the point across and as an added bonus, removes all known viruses...

Original poster
Bluesponge · 04/04/2020 00:09

Thanks was a bit worried would be told I’m being silly, i think he’s trying to be helpful but it’s like making your bed near your bed or putting the dinner near the oven it’s just as useful as it being in the garden!Angry

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 04/04/2020 00:11

He's trying to be helpful by moving his own dirty clothes?? That's the problem there, you both think you're the maid. Why doesn't he ever do the washing or washing up? Just stop. You have a baby on the way, you don't need to wipe two lots of bottoms

FatMatress · 04/04/2020 00:11

Your pregnancy is irrelevant. Why does he appear to think the laundry and dishwasher-loading are exclusively your jobs?

justilou1 · 04/04/2020 00:11

I am certain that you can find a muppet-style educational clip teaching the difference between “in, beside and nowhere-fucking-near”

TyneTeas · 04/04/2020 00:12

Oh dear, a magic laundry basket a bit like this?

SleepingStandingUp · 04/04/2020 00:12

Also what is this "incredibly supportive" demonstrated as? Making you breakfast in bed or giving you 10 minutes before he requests you make his?

CalleighDoodle · 04/04/2020 00:14

Everyone in my house knows if it is next to or in the general vicinity of the wash basket, it stays there forever.

If it is to get washed, it must be in the basket.

CalleighDoodle · 04/04/2020 00:16

Load your dishes. Tell him he needs to load his dishes and then out the dishwasher on. Then shocked asked who he thought was going to do it for him?!

ADreamOfGood · 04/04/2020 00:18

Don't move or wash his clothes. He will soon be naked learn.

Chickenwing · 04/04/2020 00:20

This is my life story! I nagged and nagged and nagged and now I just clean up after him as its easier. He has won :(

Sounsociable · 04/04/2020 00:21

I feel your pain but cant give you any hope. 17 years of marriage and my husband still does this despite many many requests not to!! He generally leaves his clothes on the bedroom floor. He occasionally asks if I can wash something like he doesnt know how the system works. (Put dirty clothes in laundry basket and they get washed and returned.)Confused

Peanut55 · 04/04/2020 00:25

My DH did this.

I flat out told him that he is being a nuisance and I am not going to mother him. He didn't even realise he was doing it (apparently). He got the hint after I kept putting his glass for dinner near his coaster. (he hates glasses off coasters) "well it's near it so what's the difference?" I replied. The penny dropped then.

Now... I just need to get him to turn his socks the right way... and take down empty bottles from the bathroom...

Butterfly44 · 04/04/2020 00:25

I would leave them....let's see if he makes a comment. He lives there too right. He's not your child or lodger. And you are not a maid or his mum. Nip it in the bud or it will continue to be expected and you will end up feeling resentful

RonnieBarkingMad · 04/04/2020 00:29

This is my life story! I nagged and nagged and nagged and now I just clean up after him as its easier. He has won

Wtf? No. Stop doing it.

Original poster
Bluesponge · 04/04/2020 00:32

I have decided that tomorrow I am just going to put everything near everything else ,thank you peanut55 for inspiration

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluesponge · 04/04/2020 00:33

Not everything, that would be more unhelpful than productive

OP posts:
abitlostandalwayshungry · 04/04/2020 00:35

i can recommend splitting chores really clearly. we take turns loading and u loading the dishwasher. laundry is separate - i do my laundry, plus bedding, he his laundry, plus towels. for us this works really well.

mrwalkensir · 04/04/2020 00:38

must be some weird spatial problem - he can put things one foot away from where they should be. Maybe you should suggest that he gets tested?

FaithInfinity · 04/04/2020 00:44

We had this. It is now referred to as ‘pant gate’. I was sick of it being dropped where he removed it..he said it wasn’t a big deal. I made it clear I would not wash anything that didn’t go in the washing basket. So I waited...and waited...8 days it took with the pile growing. I kicked it to one side but wouldn’t put it up. Then one morning he got up and said Hmm that’s strange, I’ve got no clean pants!. I said Well I’ve washed everything that was in the basket?!. Later I revealed that I had been as good as my word. 14 pairs there were in that pile! It might sound petty but I made my point and give him his due, he’s much better now. If he ever does slip I tell him We don’t want a repeat of pant gate now, do we?!.

Go on strike. Make it clear you are and wait til he has to live with the consequences.

LellyMcKelly · 04/04/2020 00:45

Why? Why? Why? Do we keep infantilising men? They are grown human beings. Many of them have responsible jobs. They are more than capable of washing their own clothes and using a dishwasher. Stop being servants to them. They are equal partners in a households, not idiot boys who need to be told every step of every process. If he doesn’t do his laundry, it doesn’t get done. If he doesn’t put his stuff in the dishwasher the dishwasher doesn’t go on. Stop babying these people. You are insulting them and yourself.

Boireannachlaidir · 04/04/2020 00:52

It's got nothing to do with dyspraxia, forgetfulness or spatial awareness. He's lazy, that's all you need to know.

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