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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

husband won’t pick his washing up AIBU

100 replies

Bluesponge · 03/04/2020 23:56

I love my husband and he has been incredibly supportive throughout my pregnancy but there is one thing that has always annoyed me about him, now more than ever. Instead of putting his washing in the basket he puts it NEAR it, instead of putting his dishes in the dishwasher he puts them NEAR it. As someone who has dyspraxia and is very forgetful I sort of understand but it drives me INSANE and no matter how many times I tell him he doesn’t do it
Am I being unreasonable?
Ps I am not heavily pregnant 5 months with a relatively small bump

OP posts:
Shortfeet · 04/04/2020 01:00

Tell him to get the fuck onit.
You are not his slave

MashedSpud · 04/04/2020 01:02

No doubt his mummy picked up after him and made him this way.

Go on strike.

Original poster
Bluesponge · 04/04/2020 01:04

I just don’t understand it’s not like we don’t split chores : I do the washing and he folds and puts it a way, he cooks and I wash up. he also manages to function like a human being the rest of the time, I mean he manages to drive on the inside of the car so why would he not be able to put his clothes in the laundry basket, he doesn’t even leave them where he takes them off he puts them in a pile neatly by basket! It just makes no sense logically or otherwise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluesponge · 04/04/2020 01:04

I’m going on strike

OP posts:
CarpeVitam · 04/04/2020 01:07

Sweet Jesus, what century are we living in! 🙄

CarpeVitam · 04/04/2020 01:09

Ditto what @LellyMcKelly said...

Luckystar777 · 04/04/2020 01:25

Aww, the poor guy. He should've married his mummy if he wanted a slave!!!!

GlummyMcGlummerson · 04/04/2020 02:21

I'm gonna lay it to you straight OP - he can put the dishes in the dishwasher and the clothes in the basket but he won't because he sees it as your work, women's work, this beneath him. Get his arse into gear because it will only get harder once the baby comes

aussieaussieaussieoioioi · 04/04/2020 02:56

Because he thinks it's your job obviously. Be prepared for everything to become your job when the baby is born.

LorenzoStDubois · 04/04/2020 03:03

Lazy fucker.
Stop doing his laundry.
That'll learn him.

penisbeakers · 04/04/2020 04:23

Pick the items up, and put them in the chair where he sits. When he asks you why they're there, respond with, "well you didn't put them in the right place either ", and tell him that they go IN the basket and IN the dishwasher.

billy1966 · 04/04/2020 04:50

Maybe I'm bloody minded but I think this behaviour is deliberate.

I think it's his way of trying to put you in your place.

To disrespect you.
To make it very clear that you are subservient to him.
Its extremely PA I believe.

It actually takes effort and energy to disregard this type of request from the person you live with.

The utter simplicity of what you are asking, yet his huge difficulty in working with you.

The effort for him to NOT comply, that is what you should be reflecting on.

As others have suggested, no longer wash his clothes or put tge plates in the dishwasher.

I wouldn't discuss it further. I just wouldn't do it.

People can reveal themselves in very small ways.
I believe he is here.

Watch how this plays out.

It will reveal a lot about him OP.

You will be vulnerable when you have your baby, I hope you have lots of support around.

Flowers
ForkHandlesplease · 04/04/2020 05:22

Even if he puts washing in the basket, why would it be up to you alone to do washing? I told my dh DH very early "I don't work for you".

user1471441839 · 04/04/2020 06:37

Billy1966 has explained it welk, agree that's its on purpose and that he's making a point.

Shoxfordian · 04/04/2020 06:39

He's showing you how much he respects you and the effort you make for him everytime he does this

copycopypaste · 04/04/2020 06:44

He's an adult, it's not hugely difficult to put washing in a basket. If you have a good relationship and you've spoken about it, I'd do as you said. Put his dinner just out of reach, his cup of tea on a different table, if he asks you to pass him something, out it just out of reach. Just far enough so he has to get up to get whatever it is. When he asks why, just laugh and say, I'm taking your lead re the washing basket' make it into a joke to save any unnecessary arguments, hopefully he'll soon get the hint.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/04/2020 07:14

On strike sounds good!

Deathraystare · 04/04/2020 07:57

It is disrespectful to you.

TwilightPeace · 04/04/2020 08:12

He thinks it’s women’s work.
Trust me, if you weren’t there he would be able to carry out those tasks just fine.
STOP DOING IT FOR HIM.

catinb0oots · 04/04/2020 08:18

Kill him and bury him NEAR to the patio

HugoSpritz · 04/04/2020 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Parker231 · 04/04/2020 08:24

Just ignore it - he’ll pick them up when he needs to do the washing and realise that it would have been easier if everything had been in the basket.

It sounds like a badly behaved teenager- what are his good points?

RantyAnty · 04/04/2020 08:30

Since you are the one doing the laundry, it seems like he is making your part more difficult for you.
You have to gather his clothes up and wash them, instead of them being in the basket ready to go.

The same with the dishwasher.

Does he really take the clothes off the line, fold them and put them away properly?

Who does the shopping? hoovering, make the bed and change the sheets, clean the bath and toilet?

Original poster
Bluesponge · 04/04/2020 09:05

HugoSpritz
That a good idea I’ll do that

OP posts:
justilou1 · 04/04/2020 09:14

Just don’t let him minimize this and tell you that YOU are being petty or childish. He is being a lazy shit.

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