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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

husband won’t pick his washing up AIBU

100 replies

Bluesponge · 03/04/2020 23:56

I love my husband and he has been incredibly supportive throughout my pregnancy but there is one thing that has always annoyed me about him, now more than ever. Instead of putting his washing in the basket he puts it NEAR it, instead of putting his dishes in the dishwasher he puts them NEAR it. As someone who has dyspraxia and is very forgetful I sort of understand but it drives me INSANE and no matter how many times I tell him he doesn’t do it
Am I being unreasonable?
Ps I am not heavily pregnant 5 months with a relatively small bump

OP posts:

HennyPenny4 · 04/04/2020 09:15

I am retired with DH now and he won't do stuff round the house. Though has to do his washing as I don't. Don't think this situation will every change unless you force it.

megletthesecond · 04/04/2020 09:28

Tell him you won't be touching it.
My ex used to do this. He went to work in dirty clothes in the end.

ButterbuttSquash · 04/04/2020 09:31

This is my husband. Wonderful and helpful in every way but will only ever put things that need to be binned/or washed NEAR the receptacle they need to go in.

Parker231 · 04/04/2020 09:33

@ButterbuttSquash - do you pick up the washing not in the basket or ignore it?

Luc1nda · 04/04/2020 09:34

If you require the dirty clothes to be in the basket before you wash them, and they are not, then you don't wash them.

I honestly don't understand how couples get in to this kind of situation.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 04/04/2020 09:35

Dh went to a wedding on august 17th last year. His trousers are still where he left them.

Insideimsprinting · 04/04/2020 09:41

I only wash what's in the basket, op it's not hard yabu, just wash what's in the basket. Stop even worrying about this he will either learn to do it or it just bothers you More than him.
My husband hardly ever does it apart from when he realised that it doesn't do it itself.
He also puts things by the bin but Christ I tell him I don't do it for him then whinge!

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 04/04/2020 09:41

TIt for Tat doesnt work. I had this problem for some time, people can be trained. Without annoyance you just say pleasantly that the clothes need to be in the basket. Once hes got the hang of it move on. The nice one is making sure to leave no skid marks or drips on the toilet rim. Staggers me how many men dont thing that is there own responsibility. This is not about being helpful or considerate, its about sharing a life together.

AnyFucker · 04/04/2020 09:43

This is my life story! I nagged and nagged and nagged and now I just clean up after him as its easier. He has won

I hope you don't have children who are watching this unfold

Ponoka7 · 04/04/2020 09:52

A marriage guidance counsellor quoted on here usecto recommend this strategy.

Everytime the offender does something like this, they get called over by the victim and they have to look them in the eye and say "fuck you", because that's what they are doing. It might as well be out in the open.

AnPo · 04/04/2020 09:54

These threads seem to be getting worse. Even the ones with the posters who think they "told him straight" seem to be the default washer of the clothes?? Do most women wash their partners clothes? I have absolutely nothing to do with my husbands clothes. Nothing. Separate baskets. They are none of my concern. OP this is going to become unbearable when your baby arrives...

Depressing read all round.

Happypelican · 04/04/2020 09:55

This is pretty much word for word a Michael McIntyre bit on his stand up
He does the exact same story him pissing his wife off

Cheerbear23 · 04/04/2020 09:55

I personally don’t think it’s to put you in your place, but I do think it’s sheer utter laziness.
Just leave the clothes where they are and let them build up, or pile them into his side of the bed so he actively has to move them to get into bed... your answer well it’s ‘near’ the basket?

Chesntoots · 04/04/2020 10:03

I would not wash anything not in the basket for a start. I would also maybe put the raw ingredients of dinner next to the oven whilst yours is cooking and when he asks where his is, I would tell him it is next to the oven like next to the dishwasher and next to the wash basket.

Note - I live on my own and don't think I could live with anyone else!!

Re you do the washing in general - if you split chores and that is one of yours then there is no issue, if it's just your job by default then just stop doing his...

Peanut55 · 04/04/2020 10:16

I really fail to see what is so bad about me doing the washing in my own household for my family? I actually do all of the household chores. I cook and clean.

I am a stay at home mum and my husband works 7 days a week for 13+ hours. (Not an exaggeration, he is a business owner in a niche market)

It's not about what century we are living in, it's about what works for your household. I do not feel oppressed, or any less than he is. He appreciates me and I appreciate him.

Typical MN.

Concestor · 04/04/2020 10:16

My husband does this with dirty dishes. I call him over every single time and get him to do it properly. Every time. If he complains I point out if he did it right first time instead of leaving it for me, I wouldn't call him over. It was much better but now we are on lockdown he's doing it again when he's working. Although of course I am working too. And doing childcare. And all the shopping and cooking. Because he's working. I intend to have words.

isabellerossignol · 04/04/2020 10:19

I wash my husband's clothes. And iron them. But he also washes mine. And irons them. If he just expected me to do it all, I'd probably also go down the route of just doing my own.

Parker231 · 04/04/2020 10:23

@Peanut55 - it’s irrelevant whether you normally do the laundry but it’s lazy and disrespectful for someone to leave their dirty washing on the floor and not in the basket.

Peanut55 · 04/04/2020 10:26

@parker231 - I agree. It's the posts of horror that she does the washing.

NW2SW · 04/04/2020 10:28

Petty retaliations like leaving his dirty pants outside the washing machine will only ignite the situation. Just carry on as usual, but leave anything that's not in the washing basket. Worst case scenario move to only washing your own.

Luc1nda · 04/04/2020 10:28

@Peanut55 does your husband expect you to pick up his dirty clothes from the floor before you launder them? Or take his dirty glass to the kitchen before you wash it?

HeyLala · 04/04/2020 10:28

My teenage daughter used to put her things by the dishwasher and not in them, so when I got fed up of asking, I made a sign and put it by the sink.

It said....

Please put all your washing up here so I can see how much you disrespect me, and you can see how much work you cause me by not being a functioning part of this household.

She initially laughed but it sunk in. Now I just need to teach her how to load the dishwasher the way I like it

Peanut55 · 04/04/2020 10:32

No. If you read my previous post you will see that.

Peanut55 · 04/04/2020 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhioOhioOhio · 04/04/2020 10:34

That link is so funny.

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