husband won’t pick his washing up AIBU

[Bluesponge]

I love my husband and he has been incredibly supportive throughout my pregnancy but there is one thing that has always annoyed me about him, now more than ever. Instead of putting his washing in the basket he puts it NEAR it, instead of putting his dishes in the dishwasher he puts them NEAR it. As someone who has dyspraxia and is very forgetful I sort of understand but it drives me INSANE and no matter how many times I tell him he doesn’t do it
Am I being unreasonable?
Ps I am not heavily pregnant 5 months with a relatively small bump

Do most women wash their partners clothes? I have absolutely nothing to do with my husbands clothes. Nothing. Separate baskets. They are none of my concern.

Different households have different delegation of tasks. DH works FT, I work part-time. Therefore I am home more to do washing and shopping. I don’t want to work more so see it as me doing my fair-share to keep the household running. He cooks more, I do the dishes more often.

It seems churlish to me to put on a load for myself and the kids and not do his. Although I won’t pick it off the floor. Equally, it would be weird if he cooked for everyone except for me.

No. If you read my previous post you will see that.

Sorry, sometimes people are writing a post at the same time and there is a bit of a delay. That's how internet forums work.

I do most of the washing in our house because I work shifts (have done pretty much the whole time we’ve been together) so I can get it washed and dried on my days off.

So does my husband but that's where it stays!

He washes his clothes when he runs out and if he had 5 mugs on his desk it's up to him. I don't take them down or wash them. So I don't get stressed about it.

Also if your going to be a mum a big tío is kids can bring their laundry down and plates too. My 5, 8 and 11 yr old bring down their laundry or it doesn't get washed ( although i may check on Sundays for the school uniform) my 11yr old has learnt that if their favourites top is not clean that's no my fault. Hopefully their partners will appreciate this when they are older !

Leave your items too then say “You load the dishwasher whilst I put the laundry on”.

I hate all this "go on strike" business too, the OP is not his employee

Are we as women conditioned into thinking we have to pick up after men...why are you putting up with living with these slobs who can't lift a finger, why are you shagging them when they behave so disrespectfully to you?

@AnPo i don't do my partners either. But then again I go out with an adult that has been fully functioning for years, not plucked straight out of mummys house

When DH and I were first married he just left his dirty clothes wherever he had taken them off. As I'm stubborn, every time he did it, I asked him to come upstairs and when he arrived I asked him to put his dirty clothes in the wash basket.

I also pointed out how disrespectful it was. He stopped doing it fairly quickly.

It's never too late to start OP. 🙂

Yup mine does the same. My kids do it too. I could tell them until I'm blue in the face. Usually the don't even move them from the spot they took them off unless I tell them. It's infuriating.

Reminds me of Michael MacIntyres comedy sketch about the dishwasher zone!

Just kick the clothes under the nearest piece of furniture so you don't have to look at them and leave them there. Don't EVER wash anything that's not in the basket.

Fucking ridiculous though to have to train a grown adult.

My toddler manages to put his dirty clothes in the wash basket every night so if a 2yo can manage it so can a grown man.

If it's not in the wash basket it doesn't get washed.

My DD (12) wouldn't put her washing in the basket after years of asking her to. I now only wash what's IN the basket. She soon learned to put stuff in the basket after a few tantrums because of favourite clothes still being dirty and scrunched up on the floor when she want to wear them.

My ex 'acidentaly' tuned a lot of my clothes by not seperating colours,using a super hot wash with only my clothes .He did the well you do it then.I did.I bought and extra clothes basket for him and just washed my
things and DDS when she came along.
I still ended up doing the rest of the cleaning as he didn't care.
Much nicer without him,less cleaning and things stay tidyish.Dds and I share the washing and have no problems.

We have simple rules here. If it is not on the shopping list, it won't be in the shopping trolley. If you don't leave the kitchen as good (or better) as you found it, the mess and left out stuff gets put on a tray which is left on your bed. If it is not in the wash basket, it doesn't get washed.

We don't have much trouble on common living standards in this house.

Point out that you have a laundry basket
Not a laundry bit of floor

*I hate all this "go on strike" business too, the OP is not his employee

Are we as women conditioned into thinking we have to pick up after men...why are you putting up with living with these slobs who can't lift a finger, why are you shagging them when they behave so disrespectfully to you?*

@Boireannachlaidir I agree with you on the strike thing, however I don't believe in treating sex like a punishment and reward system for good (clean) behavior.

By all means shag the guys you want to shag, just don't keep a slob in your house.

You’re not being unreasonable but he is! What did his last slave die of. I also vote just leave them on the floor and don’t wash them. This stuff needs to get ironed out well before the baby comes

I agree, so long as someone tidies it away, there is no motivation to change this habit.

We each do our own washing, so have avoided pant gate. As for dish washing, it used to drive me mad that he would leave things on the drainer above the machine. Now we do it differently: he stacks the dish washer with the dirty things and I empty the clean into the cupboards. It usually runs daily so reasonably fair division of labour.

Even so, it's only very very seldom that he puts anything straight into the dishwasher. Dishes, glasses everything make several hops toward the dishwasher, most pause on the drainer (for a rest?) before the final push into the machine.

It still drives me mad, but at least with this system I can ignore the way he does things, knowing it's just how he does it, he really isn't expecting me really leaving anything left out for me to do.

@CaptSkippy neither do I believe it should be used as a punishment/reward but I can see how my post came across like that. I meant how can they actually be interested enough to want to have sex with such a slob not that they shouldn't do it until the dishwasher was loaded.

Michael McIntyre has a sketch about this...almost word for word

@Boireannachlaidir True. Lazy slobs are usually not that appealing. Sometimes they put up a good front, but in the end you'll always see them for what they are.

Michael McIntyre has a sketch about this...almost word for word

Thank god somebody finally brought that up.

Don’t try to make a point, it might work for a bit, but I’m sure it will slip back, because the underlying message is one of disrespect. it will drive you insane.
He’s not a puppy that needs training, he’s a full grown man. By trying to score points you are making the relationships one of a child and mother. He can hold down a job, I bet he manages to put his rubbish in the bin rather than next to it.
Have a conversation with you, tell him it’s disrespectful.
Tell him how you feel. How he responds will tell you a lot. Then leave it, do not try to score points, just leave his washing where it falls. Kick it to the corner of the room if needed, but mainly don’t let it get to you.

Surely the obvious reaction is to put them in a pile by the washing machine and leave them there?