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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I gave money to a lady begging door to door.

142 replies

Brooksey5 · 02/04/2020 17:21

Our door bell went, I opened it (keeping my social distance) and it was a pregnant lady. She said that all the churches etc that would normally help were closed and she’s been walking round all day trying to get help. She can’t walk anymore and she needed money to get a train to her moms.

I let her charge her phone on an extension cable and gave her the rest of the money for her train fair.

Was I unreasonable to give her the money? Am I an absolute mug who will now get inundated by people begging because I’ve helped one person? I helped her because I figured that even if her story wasn’t true she’s obviously someone in need and the services that normally help people must be harder to access right now.

OP posts:
MouthBreathingRage · 02/04/2020 19:17

People saying it doesn't matter if it's a scam really dont get it. Of course it's nice to help someone, and regardless of the lie, the woman must have been desperate to do what she did.

The worry is behind the reason for the scam. Looking for a quick buck for food/drugs/whatever then it may be a one off thing. On the other end of the scale, she could have been a scout for a group of men looking to rob houses at night. That is not an unreasonable assumption at the moment - people aren't leaving their houses for a safer burglary to occur, so they have to look out for other options. A woman living alone would be a very good opportunity in these time.

Criminals aren't taking time off at the moment, so perhaps the op and others should take this as a lesson of common sense rather than 'kindness in a cruel world's.

BrooHaHa · 02/04/2020 19:18

Like people talk about not giving people begging on the street money because they actually have a flat somewhere etc? But surely you'd have to be down on your luck to sit on the concrete in the freezing cold asking strangers for money?

I used to pass a few beggars on my way to work everyday- you'd occasionally see people in a decent car roll show up (not the sort of place that any car would stop, busy main road) and the beggar would go up to the car and make an exchange with the person in the passenger seat. There seemed to be a rota too- different people, but always someone there. I figured they were having to give the proceeds of their begging to a dealer or some such. I support Big Issue sellers (you can get an online subscription now, btw) but the money you give to beggars often doesn't stay with them. If donating to people on the streets, I usually ask what they'd like from the shop and pop in for them, rather than giving cash.

MistsofAvalon · 02/04/2020 19:18

Yes, I've experienced this a few times (live in a big city). A woman came to the door, seemingly distressed, saying she had run out of electric on her meter, young children at home etc. My exDH gave her £20. She came back a couple of evenings later with a similar story (needed baby formula and hadn't had her benefits through).

ExDH was inclined to believe her but it didn't ring true for me. Quite soon after I was approached by an older woman on the street in a very distressed state, tears streaming down her face and sobbing, talking about being extremely ill, needed cab money etc. I gave her £5 Later found out she was well known for this routine around the area.

It's difficult. As PP have said, you have to be in a very bad place to do this kind of thing as who'd choose this for themselves? But when you don't have much to give and you realise you've been seen as a soft touch it's not a great feeling.

MadameBee · 02/04/2020 19:18

If you go into your local authority website there will be a Community Response helpline number 👍🏻

slartibarti · 02/04/2020 19:19

I'd have told her I don't keep money in the house and she should go to nearest police station.
The police would give her the rail fare once someone/her mother had left the cash at local police station.

Moonlite · 02/04/2020 19:20

She was probably a drug addict and resorted to knocking doors since there is no one walking around streets now to beg from

TheWordmeister · 02/04/2020 19:20

Of course you were a mug! But hopefully, you won't fall for it again.

rosesandcashmere · 02/04/2020 19:24

Also where was she off to on a train? It's essential travel only. The mind boggles

Iw24wImI · 02/04/2020 19:27

The churches are open and priests are still available, it's just bans on Mass and large congregations x

LilacTree1 · 02/04/2020 19:30

roses OP said she was going to her mum.

My church is closed. I have t been by so I don’t know if there a phone number on the door.

Greenpop21 · 02/04/2020 19:33

You did a lovely thing op.

Greenpop21 · 02/04/2020 19:34

What ever her plan was, be it noble or a con, you acted in good faith.

Insideout99 · 02/04/2020 19:35

Since when does being kind mean you’re a mug. I think OP has got the idea that this woman may not have been honest but why people feel the need to essentially call the OP stupid? Sad

Justanotherlurker · 02/04/2020 19:37

It's a well know con, it's never the full fare just a top up, and will be rampant from the more unscrupulous during the current lock down, you probably want this to be a back patting thread that you can dine on for being so kind hearted.

The fact that most people who do good things don't need to virtue signal about it, but hey that's life now, then you might well be marked as an easy touch

FinallyHere · 02/04/2020 19:42

I've twice been approached and asked for the price of the train fare home. The first time I offered to drive them home (had just had some brilliant news and was feeling delirious) The second time I offered to pay for the ticket.

On both occasions, they vanished.

Giving to organisation that work with the homeless and destitute is a good way to do good.

MrsGrindah · 02/04/2020 19:47

@Justanotherlurker I don’t know what the phrase for the opposite of virtue signalling is but you just did it right there.

Justanotherlurker · 02/04/2020 19:55

I don’t know what the phrase for the opposite of virtue signalling is but you just did it right there.

Of course I did, great contribution..

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 02/04/2020 19:55

I would never ever give cash. I might use a card to pay a fare for someone, or let them charge a phone, i would give clothing or food, but not cash.

Solomangrundy · 02/04/2020 19:57

@AlternativePerspective

Yes, the normally lazy, telly-addicted German Shepherds come in dead handy in the ‘unexpected door knock” situation!
I can tell by her bark if it’s a stranger, so I take her with me to the door... it soon sorts out who is legitimately calling... or who has ulterior motives!
Works a treat during Election campaigns too!😁
And the very best of luck to anyone who fancies their chances round the back...😱

nildesparandum · 02/04/2020 20:03

I remember a few years ago where I live, there was a woman turned up at a church door tasing people to give money to pay for treatment for her baby who was seriously ill and about to die.The lady from the church who met her at the door was one too many for her.The church lady reminded her that

  1. There is a national health service in this country so no one needs to pay anything 2)If her baby was dying what was she doing standing here begging when she should have been with her dying child The beggar made a swift departure never to be seen again.
frostedviolets · 02/04/2020 20:08

I’m afraid that I grew up in a pretty rough area and I’ve seen so very many people ‘desperate’ for a bit of money for the bus or train or whatever with varying sob stories that seem to be in need every single day for hours to be extremely sceptical.
The hospitals being one of their favourite haunts.
I don’t think I would given her any money no.

RedRedScab · 02/04/2020 20:09

You're brave OP! I haven't opened the door to anyone in over two weeks.

ScarlettBlaize · 02/04/2020 20:13

@WeAllHaveWings Honestly, you need to with your intuition and do what you think is the right thing. I think you did the right thing.

I think this thread proves that OP should definitely not trust her 'intuition'.

oohnicevase · 02/04/2020 20:18

Get a ring doorbell, it comes up on all our tv, phones and even my fridge who is at the door !! I don't answer it unless I can see who it is !!

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