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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel nothings left for average families

365 replies

Aubrystrawberry · 02/04/2020 10:00

I fully support the vunerable and elderly getting special times to shop and think it's great that some supermarkets have kept slots for them. But.... Is anyone else feeling like it's a catch 22 for families? Especially ones with kids.

I have managed to get one slot in April through Asda. It was pure luck! I have children aged 2 and 4. My partner's still working all week and he's worried about catching this virus like the rest of us. We are trying to stay home because I'm anemic and don't know how dangerous it would be as I've been quite poorly. It's not recognised as a huge problem but I've read that we don't have enough red blood cells. (I've made another post on this)

Anyway I've just been on Asda to try add a couple of things on and see how much is now out of stock. It says I'm not allowed to amend until 2 days before it's delivered now. Fair enough. But for god's sake.

I've been on Iceland this morning and they put up a bright red warning that if I'm not elderly or vunerable there are no slots.

Morrisons said they have no slots at all anywhere.

Sainsbury's the same.

Tesco's the same.

I went on Amazon to try do a pantry shop. Nothing on there.

Luckily I get milk delivered. But it's becoming a nightmare trying to work out how i will get food in a couple of weeks time.

What do they expect from people? We are slagged off if we dare take a child or two in shops. We are judged for even being in town with kids. Not everyone but quite a few are vocal about it on our local page on Facebook. People are taking pictures of people trying to get them in trouble for being irresponsible. I'm trying to be responsible and keep the kids indoors and us out of germy shops with mucky trolley handles. But I'm being told on all supermarket websites we should go to the store If we can.

I am not sure how many more weeks this is going on for, but like many others we don't want to risk getting this virus so we want to stay home.

I guess there's nothing we can do. But I think the elderly and vunerable have had a fantastic amount of help and support as they have special times to shop, slots online, volunteers shopping for them. It just feels like families are being treated like vultures for wanting to feed their kids.

Also I didn't panic shop and now I wish I did!

OP posts:
ihearttc · 02/04/2020 11:39

I’ve never said this on here before but in the nicest possible way...get a grip.

Having anaemia is not going to put you at any more risk than the next person if you were to get it. I have pernicious anaemia and rheumatoid arthritis both of which are auto immune conditions. Im also still working-I’m a TA and I’m in over Easter to look after the children of key workers. Even with both my auto immune conditions it doesn’t put me at any higher risk because the medication I take doesn’t make me immune compromised (I don’t take methotrexate it other biologics).

I haven’t even bothered to try and get a delivery slot because unlike other vulnerable people I have legs which work and a car that I can drive to the supermarket to buy food. Yes I might not be able to get exactly what I want but we aren’t going to starve which some other people might end up doing. Even my 80 year old Dad is still going to the shop because he can and I couldn’t even get an online shop for him. He has nothing wrong with him apart from old age so doesn’t qualify for any help either.

Lovemusic33 · 02/04/2020 11:40

It’s shit for all of us.

I’m a single parent of 2 disabled teens, I can’t take them shopping with me, I have to leave them home alone and hope they are ok.

OP, you have a dh/dp to go shopping so I don’t really see your issue, no one wants to be out and about risking a thing it but it’s tough. Most of the supermarkets are doing their best to keep you safe. I went to Lidl yesterday and it was very quiet, was greeted by a lady who sprayed my trolly, everyone kept their distance and I was out pretty quickly. The best thing to do is do a big shop and only go once a week (I can almost go 2 weeks).

I have a slot with tesco on Saturday and another 11 days after, after that I can not book anymore, we have a local farm shop which I will use for fresh meat and cheese/milk and Lidl for the rest if I need too. We just have to do what we can.

formerbabe · 02/04/2020 11:40

*posher

PineappleDanish · 02/04/2020 11:42

But you have a partner who can go shopping. You may WANT a home delivery slot, but it's not the same as NEEDING one. There is simply not the capacity to deliver groceries to everyone. You are being very silly and a bit selfish about all this.

Have just been to my local supermarket. All very civilised. One way system in operation. Everyone keeping their distance.

NotEverythingIsBlackandwhite · 02/04/2020 11:44

Do you really object to the most vulnerable getting a delivery slot over you?

Do you really object to other vulnerable and elderly, who don't qualify to be given the highest priority, being allowed to have priority to shop for ONE HOUR out of the twelve hours the supermarket is open for?

Do you think these vulnerable people want to expose themselves to risk? Your condition doesn't put you in a vulnerable group but you are complaining about the help that someone in more need than you gets? Ffs, where is your humanity?

like many others we don't want to risk getting this virus so we want to stay home.
That is the crux of it. You want to stay at home through fear. There is nothing wrong with that. Everyone wants to keep their loved ones safe. However, you actually want others to take your order and deliver your food to you. What about a thought for them? They probably would prefer to stay in and protect their families too.

You have a partner who is capable of going to work so should therefore be capable of shopping on their day off like others who go to work.

Oldhaggard · 02/04/2020 11:46

We can go to the local shops if we need to.. I'm just saying there's alot of judgemental people making parents feel stuck. People don't want your child in Morrisons. But they don't want you to have the slots either.

My oh will go and get us food. He's worried for me and doing his best to protect us as a family. But yes we will have to go.

You have options OP, at least you're not a single parent with a child too young to leave at home safely and not allowed to go into the shops with you. How do you propose people in that situation have access to not just food but topping up pre pay gas and electric meters?
Not to mention the elderly and vulnerable. I'd rather they got the delivery slots to be honest, you know, the people who have a lot less options than you do.
I'm helping a single mum near me because she's in that exact situation, a furloughed worker and can't go to the shops with her child, I get her what I can and top up her fuel cards when she needs it done.
So yes, you are just going to have to go. Is any of this and the knock on effects fair? No they're not, but no one is unaffected by this and the sooner people realise that the better. Seeing a lot of "why has this happened to meeee" attitude. It hasn't, it's affecting everyone. Deal with it.

Bluntness100 · 02/04/2020 11:46

I get it’s difficult op but I’m also not quite getting why your partner can’t shop in the Evenings, weekends or when he is off? The shops are open and well stocked.

corythatwas · 02/04/2020 11:46

formerbabe makes a good point about people on budgets

sadly they are also the people who might struggle with supermarket deliveries- because they can't afford a delivery charge or because they can't afford putting in a minimum order

peterlon1 · 02/04/2020 11:47

OP check the delivery companies I post that will help you, I am a vulnerable person and my GP's surgery don't understand why I haven't received a letter, I registered but it takes ages for them to sort it all out. In the mean time I had to shop before I had a chat with a really nice lady at my GP's who is sending my details to the volunteer section at the local council and gave me those websites. I like someone else here am immunosuppressed but also mobility defective so it is hard for me to get to the supermarket but i had to.

SoupDragon · 02/04/2020 11:48

The shops are open and well stocked.

They are not necessarily "well stocked" at all. Everywhere is not the same - having just talked to my mother, the man who goes shopping for her has said there are lots of bare shelves.

Onlyherefortheconspiracies · 02/04/2020 11:48

Heavens above OP.

Send your husband to the supermarket once a week after work. I'm working in one right now and we are constantly cleaning, only letting one per household in (apart from children/obviously frail folk etc) and severely restricting numbers. I work in a city centre branch and we've never been quieter due to our normal customers not working. We're also very well stocked.

Give him a list with alternatives. Unless you're saying he can't shop cos he's a man which is different.

Pukkatea · 02/04/2020 11:49

At the end of the day, if you prioritise people then someone is at the bottom. It is crap but it's better than the alternative. I'm bottom of the pile and I'll make do somehow because I have to and because others need me to.

Ohtherewearethen · 02/04/2020 11:52

This is such a non-issue. You have a delivery slot and you have a partner who can go shopping while you stay with the kids or can stay with the kids while you go shopping. This may not be your ideal scenario but do you really think you've got it so bad?

TheFutureMrsHardy · 02/04/2020 11:53

My DD has got a poorly toddler with a temperature and ear infection, so she doesn't think it's covid 19 but they've all had to self isolate just in case. So I went food shopping for her yesterday.

Small local Tesco store - it was deserted at 10am. No queue, staff in doorway to get you to hand sanitise and clean trolley, a few yellow lines around the checkouts. Fully stocked, in every aisle. Loads of fresh produce including flowers.

What really upset me was an elderly lady in front of me (in her 80s, she told the checkout staff) doing a food shop as she had no one to help her. The checkout lady was lovely with her and did her packing. These are the people who need deliveries - not those with health anxiety, with all due respect.

peterlon1 · 02/04/2020 11:54

Oi @Onlyherefortheconspiracies I take offense at that, I have always shopped even when my wife was alive we went together and then when she fell ill and was bed bound I did it alone despite the fact I had to leave her alone for that period of time which worried the hell out of me.

ViciousJackdaw · 02/04/2020 11:54

Hang on a minute, you've got a slot AND someone who can go to the shops for you? Fuck's sake...

Have you thought about single people who are shielding? Not elderly, no children, just vulnerable. They can't get slots. Nobody to go to the shops for them. A council food parcel you say? Well, my friend in this situation received one yesterday. It contained:

5 x satsumas, three starting with mould (use by 26/3)
2 x grated cheddar (use by 21/3)
Bag of potatoes, mostly sprouting (use by 27/3)
2 x red onions (going soft already)
Loaf of bread (use by 27/3)
Ziplock bag containing 2 handfuls of berries.

This is to last her the week. So for crying out loud, stop fucking whining. You have it better than most.

peterlon1 · 02/04/2020 11:57

to be honest OP I really need a delivery but cannot get one and I am entitled to one, I can't even get a collection slot. I struggled the other day and it sets me back days physically have have to agree with everyone I am sorry but you really need to sort out your priorities.

Redcherries · 02/04/2020 11:58

For those with high risk letters, there is a gov web form that you need to fill in to make sure your information is passed on to the supermarkets operating the deliveries for the high risk group.

OP, I know its hard, everyones situation is different and we are all struggling in various ways. I am high risk and can't get a delivery slot but I have deliveries from the butchers, DH goes to the farm shop, friends are adding bits to their shopping for us, and thank christ I was already a wine club member with Laithwaites and Virgin.

The things we seem to struggle with are Milk and Eggs.

To put it in perspective, you are anxious and its difficult to manage around the children but your DH is going to work everyday and can collect bits needed whilst out. At risk people are being told theres a large chance we will die in comparison to the general population, we are bloody anxious, can't even go for a walk and have to stay 2M away from anyone not shielding with us, being able to get food delivered makes a huge difference to us and how we can interact with our families at home. It means I can cuddle my children and cook in the kitchen together, we can eat together at the table and generally try to carry on life as normally as possible.

Dongdingdong · 02/04/2020 11:59

I agree with you OP. I wonder how many of the posters saying YABU have pre-booked slots with Ocado for the next couple of months?

Worriedmom2020 · 02/04/2020 12:00

This is why we prep. I am disabled, we have a vulnerable child and 3 other children. DH is my carer, so can't leave me with ill children on my own. We have 3 months of food at least.

Please consider it in the future, I hope everyone does.

Redcherries · 02/04/2020 12:01

@ViciousJackdaw. I wish there was a like button, you said what I've typed and deleted a few times.

I didn't spot that OP actually has a delivery slot booked!

cinammonbuns · 02/04/2020 12:01

@Dongdingdong Ocado cancelled all prebooked slots. I do wonder if posters think before they post

Cohle · 02/04/2020 12:02

YABU. Your DH can easily get food for your family. Those "big red warnings" are there for a reason.

peterlon1 · 02/04/2020 12:02

posting again novablooms.com/delivery nationwide
www.newcoventgardenmarket.com/ London Postcode only

Fatted · 02/04/2020 12:03

I'm failing to see how one of the two adults in your household can't go on their own OP. I work Monday to Friday. DH is currently off work. We've been able to get to the Supermarket minus the children with no issues.

It is a pain not being able to do internet shopping, I get that. But you need to think outside your usual routine and work out between you how to get to the shop yourself.