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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel nothings left for average families

365 replies

Aubrystrawberry · 02/04/2020 10:00

I fully support the vunerable and elderly getting special times to shop and think it's great that some supermarkets have kept slots for them. But.... Is anyone else feeling like it's a catch 22 for families? Especially ones with kids.

I have managed to get one slot in April through Asda. It was pure luck! I have children aged 2 and 4. My partner's still working all week and he's worried about catching this virus like the rest of us. We are trying to stay home because I'm anemic and don't know how dangerous it would be as I've been quite poorly. It's not recognised as a huge problem but I've read that we don't have enough red blood cells. (I've made another post on this)

Anyway I've just been on Asda to try add a couple of things on and see how much is now out of stock. It says I'm not allowed to amend until 2 days before it's delivered now. Fair enough. But for god's sake.

I've been on Iceland this morning and they put up a bright red warning that if I'm not elderly or vunerable there are no slots.

Morrisons said they have no slots at all anywhere.

Sainsbury's the same.

Tesco's the same.

I went on Amazon to try do a pantry shop. Nothing on there.

Luckily I get milk delivered. But it's becoming a nightmare trying to work out how i will get food in a couple of weeks time.

What do they expect from people? We are slagged off if we dare take a child or two in shops. We are judged for even being in town with kids. Not everyone but quite a few are vocal about it on our local page on Facebook. People are taking pictures of people trying to get them in trouble for being irresponsible. I'm trying to be responsible and keep the kids indoors and us out of germy shops with mucky trolley handles. But I'm being told on all supermarket websites we should go to the store If we can.

I am not sure how many more weeks this is going on for, but like many others we don't want to risk getting this virus so we want to stay home.

I guess there's nothing we can do. But I think the elderly and vunerable have had a fantastic amount of help and support as they have special times to shop, slots online, volunteers shopping for them. It just feels like families are being treated like vultures for wanting to feed their kids.

Also I didn't panic shop and now I wish I did!

OP posts:
Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 13:08

Ragwort

No, not local groups, but the government set up hubs, specifically for the shielded group. You have to be in the official category to register with them, but as the text from the hospital I'm under shows, they've acknowledged that many people who meet the "shielded" criteria simply haven't been identified as such and so now they're asking people to contact them and the hospital will monitor them over this time - which is better than nothing but it's clearly a failure of the system because those who have been missed won't be able to access the social support in place.

And the informal volunteer groups have limitations. Who are the volunteers? Has anyone vetted them? I have major safeguarding concerns around sending unvetted volunteers to the homes of very vulnerable people. Secondly, how is the shopping paid for? I know of many people, particularly the elderly, who dont have online banking. Obviously they can't get out to a cash point to get money so what do they do? Give the volunteer their bank card? Our neighbour doesn't have online banking so we're currently buying her shopping. I know she feels terrible about that but what's the alternative?

Jaxhog · 02/04/2020 13:12

Count yourself lucky. I'm elderly and vulnerable and I can't get a slot.

Jaxhog · 02/04/2020 13:13

We don't have a local butcher or greengrocer.

Marahute · 02/04/2020 13:14

Jesus wept, send your husband to the shops and stop complaining about a non-issue! You don't need to take children to the supermarket if you are part of a two parent family. A little perspective goes a long way.
I have asthma and get the flu jab, so considered a slightly higher risk than Joe Bloggs with no health conditions. We're just getting on with it, husband going out as infrequently as possible for groceries. In an ideal world I would love to be able to shop online and reduce the risk as much as possible, but we aren't living in an ideal world...

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 13:15

Here we are op, proof that "the vulnerable" aren't being looked after.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/coronavirus/3868966-Tesco-s-have-cancelled-our-delivery-service-and-we-are-both-vulnerable

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 02/04/2020 13:17

I agree that you're in an awkward position with your health issues, OP, but your DH will just have to do the shopping, end of. As you say, you can't take the DC with you and it's not a good idea for you to go anyway with your health. Stay safe. Flowers

sandragreen · 02/04/2020 13:19

Anyone else wondering what amazing drip feed we are going to get about OPs partner to excuse him from having to do a spot of shopping?

majesticallyawkward · 02/04/2020 13:21
  • and to feed the children they chose to have

And there you have it*

Have what? An expectation that parents are willing to care for their children? Aside from a very small minority most parents (yes plural, mothers and fathers) choose to have children who then need to be cared for until they are old enough to care for themselves. Why should these families who can have one adult go to do a shop be a higher priority than someone else who can't? I'm talking here about the elderly, ill, disabled and lone parents of small or disabled children.

Lynda07 · 02/04/2020 13:23

Catherine, I'm so sorry. It sounds horrendous! I know someone who is recovering, she isn't living near me; aged about fifty one I think.

You take care of yourself. I think it's awful that you're not considered to be in the 'vulnerable' category, at least at the moment (I know the rest of the time you wouldn't want to be). How on earth are people like yourself supposed to eat? It's good that you are managing at the moment, well done.

FlowersWine

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 13:23

I'm just wondering why op can't go shopping on the husband's days off? He can have the children. Anaemia isn't listed anywhere as a condition that makes you anymore vulnerable than anyone else and she seems ok about going when planning to take the children shopping just upset that she'll be criticised for doing so.

Lynda07 · 02/04/2020 13:24

PS: I just got a slot at Iceland! I'd tried everywhere else. Iceland don't have everything I want but I'll be pleased to have what they do deliver. There is hope, folks (well that's how I feel, it could all change between now and delivery date).

CHIRIBAYA · 02/04/2020 13:40

I feel for you - how can partner go before work when it is NHS and or elderly/vulnerable only - go at the end of the day and see what's left! Long queues as well now which makes it extra difficult for those with young children. This country has never been child friendly but I would say if you need to go, go and to hell with what other morons are saying or posting on Facebook, just don't look at it!

tara66 · 02/04/2020 13:40

Regarding slots for elderly - there apparently is no way the elderly can let the likes of Tesco know they are elderly anyway. They don't answer phone or emails . How does one inform the supermarkets - how do they check? Seems they don't.

Shiraznowplease · 02/04/2020 13:41

I am awaiting a covid test result and despite having delivery saver with both Waitrose and Ocado I couldn’t get an order and obviously no one in my family could leave the house. Luckily I have friends who could have helped but not everyone may have as this goes forward and more people become ill. I managed to get a Tesco slot yesterday for today that someone must have cancelled. I will remember how Waitrose especially let me down and will NOT shop with them after this is all over. I am not old or in a vulnerable category but being ill and having to worry about deliveries was the last I needed. I think this is the time people need to remember companies that they could rely on. To say delivery is only needed for old and vulnerable categories is a cope out.

Di11y · 02/04/2020 13:42

shops are open til 10pm where I am. I go after the kids are in bed and it's been really quiet. I bring an antibac wipe for the trolley and wash my hands when I get home.

Shiraznowplease · 02/04/2020 13:42

Damn autocorrect cop out not cope out 🙄

TheArchSorcererofContwaraburg · 02/04/2020 13:51

You have a partner problem. He needs to step up and go and shop or you go on his day off and he stays with the kids. YABU.

ConstantlySeekingHappiness · 02/04/2020 14:00

I'm not talking of that specific aspect or even the ops situation. However in this country, there is very little sympathy and support for people with children...and yes, that goes back to misogyny. Women especially are viewed this way. Because they dared to have sex, they should put up with any hardships that bringing up children brings with it.

Oh do wise up.

The OP isn’t getting any sympathy because her partner can do the shopping while she watches the children. Or she can do the shopping while her partner watches the children.

She’s not getting any sympathy because she’s making a huge fuss about something that’s not an issue.

And still hasn’t explained why her partner can’t shop?

I think you need to start your own thread on this and not try to treat this thread like a misogynistic attack on the OP.

corythatwas · 02/04/2020 14:00

how can partner go before work when it is NHS and or elderly/vulnerable only - go at the end of the day and see what's left!

Does the partner work a 7-day week? Otherwise, isn't it just a question of having to do what all families with 2 working parents do and shop on his day off?

Cbwick · 02/04/2020 14:13

It isn’t just families like yours. I am a single parent to a child with disabilities. We don’t meet the government criteria for help. I can’t take him out as he catches everything going and can’t get online delivery, so basically stuffed, no family to help. I am hoping what we have in will last a bit and will then have to seek help from Facebook groups to get me some fresh bits. Not an ideal situation for any of us unfortunately. Hope you can sort something out for you family

Tzigane · 02/04/2020 14:13

Ime the majority of elderly and vulnerable do not have priority slots, it's only the lucky few who have been identified and selected.

75% of Waitrose slots are going to normal customers for example. Tesco can't register people.

Ragwort · 02/04/2020 14:14

Hear I think it is sad that you don’t feel you can trust community led schemes, the vast majority will be run by honest people trying to help each other. I know there is a chance that there might be some dishonest people involved but that is true (sadly) of anything.

So often we only seem to want to rely on a formal, Government authorised assistance when if we all helped each other as neighbours, life might be a lot nicer.

My DH has been accepted as an NHS volunteer - there clearly isn’t time/resources to DBS/reference check everyone.

Jaxhog · 02/04/2020 14:30

75% of Waitrose slots are going to normal customers for example.

Seriously? That just seems wrong.

wonkylegs · 02/04/2020 14:30

@Jaxhog
I thought we didn't either but loads of local companies I had never heard of before have suddenly appeared (I'm guessing they were mainly there before just not on my radar as many don't have high street shops)

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 02/04/2020 14:40

Ragwort

I don't need everything to be government run but come on - many of these groups have just been a bunch of people replying to a Facebook message. No references, no checks, no ID even let alone DBs checks - that's a massive safeguarding risk.

And what about payment for shopping? What are these volunteer groups doing about payment? I can see elderly people being asked to give over bank cards plus PIN numbers to pay for their shopping. Of course there needs to be organisations running this.