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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to leave newborn in room with toddler?

84 replies

newmumagainn · 31/03/2020 19:53

Today 2 week old pooped, I had run out of nappies downstairs so needed to go upstairs to get one.

2yo DS was sitting watching Peppa next to me. I gave him a tiny square of chocolate and then sprinted up the stairs and back down- whole thing taking less than 20 seconds.

DS was calm and quiet and engrossed in Peppa, baby was opposite side of room fast asleep in Moses basket on a stand.

DH has just said to me 'I want to mention something I saw you do earlier- then relays me going upstairs without the baby- it was irresponsible and stupid and I never want to see it again. I would never ever ever leave DS1 in a room with DS2'

I explained it's not something I make a habit of, I judged the situation, DS1 was calm and happy on the sofa, it doesn't require a telling off from my DH.

He kept saying it's stupid and irresponsible and I'm being defensive because I know it's wrong of me.

I told him sometimes I dare nip into the kitchen to take DS1s lunch out of the oven, or use the downstairs Loo whilst poking my head out of the door to watch the kids. Again he tells me I'm irresponsible and stupid.

I am exhausted and trying so hard to keep on top of everything- house work, breast feeding, keeping DS1 entertained with activities and games throughout the day. WIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

newmumagainn · 31/03/2020 19:54

I think I'm more cross at the way he delivered his view- no recognition for the 9000 other things I'm juggling every day whilst he WFH in the office

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 31/03/2020 19:57

If he was there close enough to see you and judge you then he was close enough to keep an eye on them. He is unreasonable, not you

dorisrainbow · 31/03/2020 19:58

He’s being ridiculous.

Janek · 31/03/2020 19:58

I would do the same as you op, your dh has no idea. You judged the situation and acted accordingly. Although if he is that concerned then you can call him down to mind them while you do the things you need to. He won't mind, because doing otherwise would be irresponsible .

notactuallylolling · 31/03/2020 19:58

He is being unreasonable, you have to go about your day making judgements on the situation as you see it and it’s not like you went for a shower and left them. One day you will leave your baby on the sofa thinking they won’t roll off and then whoops! they have learned how to roll!
Anyway, if he was able to observe and critique, was he not able to keep an eye whilst you dashed upstairs??

louise5754 · 31/03/2020 19:59

I think it depends on the tolddler. I never date leave my two year old with my newborn until youngest was at least 2.

Bananacloud · 31/03/2020 19:59

Tell him to get stuffed!

StellaEllaOla · 31/03/2020 19:59

Tell him to get a reality check!

rosiejaune · 31/03/2020 20:00

YANBU. Unless your two year old has a particularly murderous streak? But one assumes not.

Otherwise it's surely more risky to take them up and down stairs more than necessary.

paintcolourwoes · 31/03/2020 20:00

I think I agree with your DH, although it sounds like he was a condescending twat in his delivery.

I had two under 2, and I trying to remember at what stage I left them in a room together but it probably wasn’t in the first 6 months. So much potential for mishap, most likely from a curious toddler, but it’s just not worth it. Hard when baby is asleep, but I would always take baby with me when I left the room

gwenneh · 31/03/2020 20:01

"...it was irresponsible and stupid and I never want to see it again."

Is that how he speaks to you? Are you a child?

RC1511 · 31/03/2020 20:02

What the hell? If he was close enough to see it surely he could just watch the little ones? Tell hik he’s being unreasonable. You went and grabbed a nappy.. Jeez!

Longdistance · 31/03/2020 20:03

Your dh is a twat. It was like 30 seconds to grab a nappy from upstairs whilst the toddler was glued to Peppa ( been there) and baby was asleep. If he’d seen that then he was present. You’re not joint at the hip to your dc.

BendingSpoons · 31/03/2020 20:03

He's being ridiculous. Call him every time you need to pop out the room to get him to mind the kids?

Nonnymum · 31/03/2020 20:03

Is he always this controlling? He sounds a bully tbh.
Also if he saw you he could have sat with them while you went upstairs or he could have got the nappy.
What does he expect yout toddler to do to the baby has he tried to hurt him?
Ideally yes you shouldn't leave them alone but you can't be in 2 places at once. Popping out of the room to get a nappy is fine. It's not like you left the baby in a room alone with a vicious animal!

peajotter · 31/03/2020 20:04

What on earth? Is he always so overprotective? He’s possibly stressed with all the changes with cv and a new baby but he is definitely being unreasonable. Most parents have done what you do often and I’ve never heard of a tragedy.

BrooHaHa · 31/03/2020 20:04

WTF was he doing while you were trying to juggle both? If have sent him for the nappy. And also, 'I never want to see you do that again'? How bloody patronising. Hope you told him to fuck off (or a non-sweary equivalent).

JasonPollack · 31/03/2020 20:04

Fucking hell is he your dad or theirs.

I think a "DH, I need to talk to you about how you spoke to me earlier, it was sanctimonious and patronising and I never want to hear anything like that again, OK?"

Also I think it's fine to leave for 20s, he's a toddler not a rabid dog. Your husband should be asking you if you need more support from him if he's so concerned. Not being a judgey prick.

Duchessofblandings · 31/03/2020 20:05

If he saw you and was worried, wasn’t he able to just stay until you got back?

Feetupteashot · 31/03/2020 20:05

Just take one of them with you

Igotthemheavyboobs · 31/03/2020 20:06

Shit, if DP ever spoke to me like this it would signal the end of our relationship. Is he always os controlling?

IckyIsAFuckingStupidWord · 31/03/2020 20:07

If he’s close enough to see you leg it upstairs, how come he didn’t watch the kids but also, why were you legging it around if he was there to watch you??

MummytoCSJH · 31/03/2020 20:07

I get why he might not have agreed with it/understood you'd assessed it was safe and that is easy to sort by explaining what happened. They way he has brought this up however, speaking to you as thought you are a child.. that would genuinely be a big deal breaker for me. Tell him to fuck off.

confusednortherner · 31/03/2020 20:07

He's completely overreacting if you ask me and if he saw it then he was able to watch them. When ds was a couple of months old I left him on playmat with dd on sofa watching tv whole I checked on tea. Dd then appeared next to me in kitchen dragging playmat complete with ds on it because she thought he was hungry!

Original poster

newmumagainn · 31/03/2020 20:07

Study is at top of stairs so he saw me when I was running up the stairs and back down.

Toddler hadn't long woken from a nap, so was quiet and calm. No, never tried to hurt the baby. He's 2 and a half, a very good little boy but still, I don't make a habit of leaving him along with the baby!! If he was charging about flinging toys then obviously I'd have judged the situation a little differently!

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